How can i explain to my.... - ADD / ADHD Message Board

princess72 · 06-10-2005, 07:30 AM

My husband..................is driving me nuts!!!! Here goes...my son is 11 (his step son) Recently has been diagnosed "borderline" ADD. I am going to have him tested in reading and dyslexia before he goes back to school. I have ADD and dyslexia...so does his dad! You know how people and teachers just THINK you are LAZY and not trying? This is my husband! People that know nothing about these dissabilities, say s**** like that. I am sooo frusterated. My son's grades have been awful since the 1st grade!!!!! I have always felt there might be a learning dissability, but, i listened to his teachers......til this year! I wasnt really in denial....it's just his and my life hadnt been stable til about 2 years ago. I thought maybe he was having difficulties due to divorce.....moving across the US etc! This year was unreal....i dont like his school/teacher.....should have failed the 5th grade. He will be sooooo behind next year it's frightning. The problem, he is gone the entire summer, comes home 2 weeks before school. His dad, just wants to spend time with him....since we moved so far away. Ok, my husband...he is "matter of fact, black and white, stubborn, etc". Never gets mad at him for his report cards, but is dissapointed. He thinks all i do is make excuses for my son and he thinks this is plain lazziness! I agree, my son is a bit lazy, and i have never pushed the fact about his school work, reading etc. I blame myself in this too. How can i get him to quit blaming me for "babying" him and making excuses? I know he just needs to know more about these disabilities. Funny thing is, he claims he had dylexia when he was young----back then no one knew what to do. He is very smart and successful in his career. I dont know what to do? We argue, especially at report card time! Here are my son's symptoms........thinks he is stupid, cries when talk about school work, no confidence in school work, very disorganized, never has homework..or doesnt write it down, frusterated, wont talk about school, hate's to read....these are just some. My son's grades were all c and d's(mostly d's) and failed reading!!! I was held back in 5th grade, due to my dyslexia and ADD. And believe this: his teacher was such a quack....she insisted he is okay and doesnt have learning disability, he just isnt trying as hard and needs to pay more attension! Say's to me "he has had alot of adjustments....moving and all! TRUE.....but this has been going on since 1st grade! People need to stop burrying their head. I will be SHOCKED out of my mind....if my son's testing comes back, that he does not have a learning dissability! I will then blame myself!!!!! Any comments?????

blitzkrieg79 · 06-10-2005, 09:56 AM

I feel your pain....I have actually been in the same position as your son. All the way through my childhood, teenage years, and partially into college, my dad has always called me his "lazy" daughter, "the smart kid who would never apply herself". This used to hurt my feelings and I never realized that I had ADD until I took a psychology class in college...LOL.

I went to talk to my doctor about it and he prescribed medication for me. After taking it for a while, my grades started coming up, I started reading a book every couple of days just for the fun of it (which is something I used to never do), I was more organized, etc. I went from working my a$$ off in college for C's to easily making straight A's. My father saw this enormous change in my life and finally realized that I had ADD.

I had talked to him about it a few years after and he admitted that he didn't really know much about ADD even though he had heard of it. He had always just assumed that ADD wasn't a big deal and never realized that it could potentially be debilitating. I explained why people have ADD, what causes it, what helps it, etc and now he's been much more understanding.

I'm not really sure what to tell you except that maybe your husband just doesn't really understand much about ADD and he doesn't realize the fact that it really can hold children back. If your child does have ADD, you may want to have your doctor explain the effects of ADD to your husband.

princess72 · 06-10-2005, 11:28 AM

Thank you so much for your reply. The doc does want to start my son on some meds in August. My husband was diagnosed with dyslexia when he was a child, but i guarantee you, they knew nothing about these disorder's back then.......or how to treat them. My husband is so stubborn, he probably wont even talk to the doc! Im sure he will do some research on this...if we continue to argue. Dont get me wrong he is a wonder guy, and great step dad! He just is so ready to "label" my son as not trying or have the potential to succeed.