nyc_8679

Sorry – It’s a bit long.

I’m curious as to how long ago it was that you had been on medication and what dosages you were on? I know it may sound stupid but I think certain meds are getting better from what I have read. I can’t say I understand your situation exactly, but I do feel your pain and empathize with you. I also happen to be in my late forties and seven months ago I started taking a medication after I found that I have ADD.

For me life was not so boring in fact for me there was too much going on all the time I was just overloaded and my brain never stopped. I didn’t figure out that I had dyslexia until I got kicked out of college because of my poor grades. Looking back I now understand why I was left back twice in school, always felt different than the rest of the crowd and suffered with bouts of isolation, anxiety, depression and anger that could last for months. Since college I’ve had eight jobs, several temp jobs, and one company. I only left one job to relocate the rest I was politely let go with some excuse. I worked in a family business from which I was fired three times by my father. Seeing the other employee’s looks when I got hired back each time was no ego booster.

Since high school I’ve only been in a couple of short relationships and I never really understood why they ended until now. I really enjoyed being with and sharing life with someone but for most of my life it seems I was considered a loner so after a break up coping for me was probably a lot easier.

Looking back it seems strange but some how in my late thirties I got married. I liked the relationship but didn’t want marriage because I felt I new that it would end sooner or later. But I guess I caved mostly because of family and societies pressures. Well the bouts of anxiety, depression, anger and self directed isolation still occurred. I tried very hard to control them and mask them even more. After a couple of years of marriage the results of ADD/Dyslexia did put a big strain on our relationship. Combine that with current pressures at work, buying a house and moving to a new town and then meeting someone new in my life pretty much put me over the edge into a long depressive state and my family, wife and in-laws were all over me.

The next thing I know I’m sitting in a psychiatrists office being prescribed antidepressants and having to see a therapist twice a week. Several doctors later with assorted antidepressants I was worse than when I started. I was at a point where I was ready to leave my job, my wife, and my home and start a new life by myself, which seemed it would be less painful then what I had been dealing with. The next doctor interviewed me took me off of the antidepressants, tested me and prescribed 15 milligrams of Adderall XR which is a very low starting dose. It didn’t really solve the total problem but now it seems I have a fighting chance dealing life and the ADD and I’m starting to turn things around. There are some minimal side effects at this dose like dry mouth, sweats, and disrupted sleep, but after seven months my sleeping is pretty much back to normal.

Since then the doctor has wanted to increase my dosage several times and said the 15 milligrams is a Childs dose. He said I’m not getting the full benefit of the medicine and for my size I should be taking 30 to 35 milligrams a day. I said NO, NO, NO, I don’t really want to be taking anything and though this is not a cure-all my life is a bit better than before and I’ll stay right where I am.

It seems or at least it seems to me that I’m starting to turn my life around and can deal with day-to-day living a lot better than before. As I said its no cure-all but it sure beats the daily unending frustration and pain that I had accepted since kindergarten.

I really hope things eventually work out for you. If its been a long time since you were on meds you may want to talk to a doctor to see what the differences are from back then and now. A Childs dose of a particular medication may make enough of a difference for you as it did for me.

Good Luck