I'm 25 and just finding out that there is a very strong possiblity that i have adult add. It feels like it's been a very truamatic experience, and although part of me is relieved that maybe there is a reason for my behavior, a reason that i've always had a hard time with things, it seems like i've had to find out the hard way. I'm curious if other people had a hard time, if any one else felt that they were at the end of their rope emoitionally and mentally. Since i'm asking i might as well share. i have had growing up all of the typical problems of an adder, short attention span, problems finishing assignments, being called lazy, selfish, daydreamer space cadet etc etc my whole life. I have always felt that given the right moment and situation what i felt is inside of me would come out but that nothing had been important enough or inspiring enough. But now i have a son going on two and my work situation is still shaky, no matter how much i say i do it for him i find my self earning very little money and in no postion to move upwards, moving randomly to new jobs, often quiting before i've secured a new, i find i have no marketable skills, that what talents i have are rough and unpracticed, i have completely damaged a relationship with some one i am very much in love with because of mood swings and a lifetime of low self esteem. I feel very traped by my head and there are times when i can litterally feel my head buzzing with thoughts, but can get nowhere. Lately i feel almost paralyzed sometimes. It is very hard though to talk about a lot of these things with the people around me. Every one has problems, and it shames me that mine are so seemingly simple, yet inescabale. I think things are also exacerbated by my lack of health insurnace, making an official diagnosies much harder to obtain. I'd lke to hear from you all, is this normal? does everyone feel like there in danger of having a breakdown? I mean i think maybe i've always kinda been around the corner from one, but now you know things have hit the fan. Please share your stories, i'd love to hear.
Oh yes, I understand what you are saying and I sympathize with you. I sometimes look back and I honestly wonder how I have gotten this far without...I don't know - just breaking down. My mental problems - from OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse - have spanned the spectrum and many are both symptoms and results of ADHD. So on the one hand, I feel a little more in control when I am on medication for it (Ritalin) but I also want to start a family soon and scares me to death to be dependent on this and to have to go back to where I was, where I was exhausted and confused and depressed and barely holding it together - and I'm also scared that my kids will turn out to have the same problems I do, which would make me feel terrible. I don't know, I just wanted to post and give you my support - I don't have many useful answers. I have gotten by so far by getting really angry and stubborn as hell - just by gritting my teeth and saying "dammit I will do this" because I will not accept that I can't. I'm not sure that is the healthiest way to go about it, but that's how I hold down my job as a writer, which makes me completely crazy most of the time. I also have not-great self-esteem, and I am coming to realize how much that depends on the ADHD (only in part though). Someone on this board posted the other day about having trouble verbalizing thoughts out loud to others because ADD keeps you in such a confused state that it's really hard to speak coherently. That’s a problem for me as well, and it has definitely contributed to a sense of shame and low self-esteem, because I would just criticize myself terribly by saying "why can’t I do that/be like others, etc." It’s also probably why I am drawn to writing, because I can write far more clearly than I can speak – if only because I have to slow down long enough to type. Anyway, I am trying hard currently to give myself a break, and to stop with my habitual self-critcism. Maybe that would help you too? Just notice how often you beat yourself up and remember "we are what we think." Be kind to yourself. If you must insult yourself, back it up with something kind, such as "well, that may be true but I'm still friendly/smart/organized/loving/resourceful enough to have a good job and still be able to care for my son."
It’s tough not to have insurance, I was in that position for a time. Do you have a plan for how you want to proceed? Would you be willing to try medication if you could afford it, or are you looking for coping skills without doctors/meds?
Good luck, hang in there.
To both Ckolden and Sylvia - I can identify closely with both of you. I can remember the times that thoughts in my head were spinning so fast I would have to hold it just to get them to slow down. Breakdown? You would never be able to count the times that I prayed for a nervous break down - to land me in a hospital - to get some rest.
As to As to visulizing thoughts out loud or getting out of my mouth exactely what is spinning in my head - I did find help with that through the Toastmasters Organization . They will take all the time needed to help you organize those thoughts and simplify how to say them.
Thank you both of you! I apprciate the time you've taken to respond it means a lot and helps a lot. It's hard to discribe it to people who haven't dealt with. i think what scares me the most is there are absolutly people with add out there that do fine, that have come up with fine coping mechanizms, who don't need medication, and whose symtoms are more severe then mine, slyvia its sounds like you have a few comorbid conditions, and yet you are caple of holding down a job and supporting yourself. i'm a little afraid becuase i haven't come up with those mechanizms yet and i'm 25. I'm a little afraid becuase i am essentialy homeless, i make VERY little money, but i can't seem to pick my slef up. i'm not on the streets by anymeans so don't get me wrong, but i'm not spporting myself. ultimitley however as much as i apreciate your responses, and your support, i'm not so much looking for sympathy as i am for just that knowledge that other people feel the same. jamryn man i know what your saying, i wouldn't mind saitting in a rob all day and making finger paintings for a month or so. Thanks again guys!
Boy have you described my life. I used to dream of having a nervous breakdown. I'm 52 and just diagonised about 1 mo ago. I guess I DID have a nervous breakdown, I tried to kill myself. I just culdn't take it any more. By law I had to go to a shrink and he told me he thought I had ADD. Took the tests and sure enough, I have it. Since I've been on meds my whole world has changed. I couldn't believe it when my thoughts stopped racing. I was actually lonely for a few days. Didn't know how to act. Then I found I could actually concentrate on things. If you can afford it, I really recommend getting on meds. If you can't afford it, there are lots of books you can read. They helped some, but the big change came with the meds.
Books I would recommend that really helped me are:
You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy by Kate Kelly & Peggy Ramundo
Women with attention deficit disorder by Sari Solden
The attention deficit disorder in adults workbook by Dr Lynn Weiss
I got them all from the library and thought they were so good I bought used ones online.
Hope this helps. I know for me, just knowing there were others out there just like me helped a lot.
The following user gives a hug of support to dakota770: Cres (12-06-2010)
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