support from like minded parents - ADD / ADHD Message Board

Lily1927 · 11-17-2005, 04:46 AM

I have just found this site and wondered if any one out there can help. My husband and I feel very alone - there is no local support and even the professionals all go home at the end of the day and close their doors to sort out their lives and we are left with ours and fell very alone. We have a 14yr old son who at 7yrs was diagnosed with ADHD and traits of Asperger's. He has left 2 schools and hopefully the current one will handle him better. He is just starting to go through puberty which just makes matters worse. He has no violent streaks and can be very kind he is impulsive, can get very upset if people are as he perceives not nice to him (which causes him to steal some thing small to gain have a feeling of power over them - he understand theft is wrong but if I challenge him says it is "justice" for being wronged) but he has no friends and as a young child was (he told us when he was 10) "touched" by a 17rs old female baby sitter. At 11 a boy tried to get "intimate" with him at school by pushing him up against a wall and rubbing aginst him. Neither of these events have been dealt with by any one and we feel that his current problems of sexuality/puberty etc must stem from this. How can a child go through so much and not be affected. The trouble is he won't talk to any one but is this his Aspergers side? He can't really express emotion over most things and certainly can't find words to explain how he feels about anything - "fine" seems to be all he says. He has an academic age of 17yrs but emotionally is around 10yrs. Can anyone empathise or offer any words of help or comfort as we fight continually to find help and support for him and to help guide him through so he will have a successful and good life and not be a failure because everyone seems to constantly fail us. You can imagine although family and friends say we are doing so much to help him and could not do more, we feel useless, incompetant and also very drained and tired.

driftyfluff · 11-17-2005, 05:54 AM

You are not alone. My son is 15 with a brilliant brain but the social and emotional age of a child 7 years younger. He has aspergers and adhd and his favourite word when asked how he feels is fine. He did have violent traits and hit out in frustration but puberty is calming and he is a kind sensitive loving son. I worry how he will deal with life and relationships and people taking advantage of him. He is starting college next year and will probably board weekly and it is terrifying but I have to let him grow up. I have been a single parent for most of his 15 years and sometimes you wonder if you are doing the right thing. people say he has lovely manners and a nice nature and he works with the elderly one day a week at school, with glowing reports. He has never really talked about his feelings and recently he has tried to express some feelings but he stops because they are not actual physical things he can see and explain. Because feelings are not something you can look at and hold they are hard for him to put into words. This is his aspergers at work. I try getting him to put his feelings into physical things ie he models with plasticene and one bit is angry another happy etc. Giving your son physical objects of his choice and naming them as an emotion may help him visualise them as I have found with my son that if he can see it and touch it he cant grasp the understanding of it. You are doing a wonderful job and I know it doesn't always help to hear it but you are still there for him. Good luck

Lily1927 · 11-17-2005, 03:19 PM

Thanks for your advise about putting emtions into objects - i'm not great with imagination myslef but I'll think of some things. Your kind words have been a source of comfort and support - thanks again

hummingbirdkiss · 11-17-2005, 07:48 PM

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