My little boy is just about to turn 5 in January. When he was a little over 3, a friend of mine who is a social worker in the school system, mentioned that he seems to fall/trip alot, and I may want to call ' community living" to have an assessment done on him. At that time a resource teacher came out and did a series of assessments on him. The term sensory integration disorder came up. Some of it I totally understand and can relate it to him, but some doesn't apply at all. We have always been concerned that he is ADHD, due to the fact that his father was (and still is, but not on meds). I wanted to get him all the help that I could, so that I would be as prepared as I possibly could be once he started school. He has an Occupational Therapist as well as the same Resource teacher. We also went to see a pediatrition last summer just to set up a base to go from. He of course wouldn't make a diagnosis at that time after one visit, but said come back once he gets into school and has social or focus issues.
We put him in daycare to get him use to the routines and when he outgrew that last year, I had him in nursery school for 2 mornings a week. This is where we really realized there were going to be issues. Not sitting at circle, unable to really hold a pencil, slumping under the table at a structured activity. But it was manageable because there was 1 teacher and 1 parent for 10 kids.
This year he is in junior kindergarten. The troubles started week one. He is a very social kid, but lacks the skills to get along. He wants to play with a group of boys, but he runs in slamming into the tower they just built. Or outside he crushes their snow fort. He is very rough out on the play ground and often (especially this last week) jumps on kids. His OT refers to him as a banger and crasher. His body seems to crave that contact. Anyway his teacher talked to me this morning about it, and says that she thinks that he just doesn't get it. I feel that he doesn't go purposefully out of his way to hurt these kids, but it is almost like the impulse takes over and before he knows it all heck has broken loose. THEN he is labelled as a behaviour problem. He seems to almost be able to wipe the slate clean at the end of the day, says to me that he had a great day! I don't think he totally grasps the effect that it has had on other kids.
My DH is totally the same way. He may have a conflict with someone at work, hash it out (sometimes innapropriately) and be done with it. Or possibly not even remember details about it. You can bet that the other person hasn' t forgotten.
Anyway, I just had a really tough day today. I see the struggles that my hubby has. His lack of impulse control made him quit his job in May due to some conflicts that he just couldn't handle anymore. He found some contract work to do thru the summer, but is just now starting a full time position with benefits. We have to leave our home and the town that we love and move 3 hours away to start all over again. I know this can't be good for my son either to be taken away from all that he knows and start again. But I guess I can't dwell on that and have to make the best of a new start. Maybe it will be better where we are going. Bigger town, more resources etc...
I guess I am just saying that my heart breaks for the little boy that sits in my lap at night and asks if he can marry me someday. The little boy who showers my face with kisses and constantly says " I luv you mommy" One on one he does great, not perfect, but manageable. Nothing motivates him either. He doesn't get excited for anything that might make him move faster, get dressed, or behave better. He really just goes about his day, oblivious(sp) to things going on around him. He is making strides at school sitting at circle and sitting at the table. He may still have to sit in the teachers lap though or there is a possibility of him rolling around on the floor. Throw him out into the playground and all heck breaks loose. Whether there is just too much going on or what I don't know. If he were the type of kid that was going to be a loner, it would be so much easier, but all he wants to do is fit in and he has no skills to help him do that. We have been working with him (probably not as much as we should, and believe me I beat myself up over it all the time) to help him along but I feel as though we are moving backwards. I have read all your posts and they are very helpful, especially in understanding my husband. He is a poor communicator, very impulsive, buts into the middle of your sentences when you are talking, as though he was never listening. Has trouble making eye contact with you even when he knows you really well. Mostly for him though it is the social and resolving conflict issues that really get him into trouble. This is something he constantly has to deal with at work. He is one of those super smart people that when you want to know something obscure, you ask him. Top of his field at work, but really a social failure. Don't get me wrong, he does have lots of close friends, but like I said it is mainly work conflicts that get him into trouble and when it happens often enough, his fight or flight instincts kick in and he quits. Aaarrrrggg!!!!
My son is very busy and rough/aggressive. He will roll on my daugheter and when asked to get off, he just keeps it up. Almost like he is just wanting to aggravate her. Which he does and her being the drama queen that she is escalates the situation, until all heck breaks loose. I cant handle the chaos anymore. I already have High Blood Pressure.
Any words of encouragement for a mom and wife who is surrounded by ADHD. I must add that I am the most laid back easy going person, so the activity sometimes overwhelms me. Anyway thanks for listening and letting me vent. Just need to know that someone out there knows what I am going thru. Any words of advice for my hubby. He was on Ritalin from grade 1-8. His mom says it made the world of difference in him, but he describes it as still feeling that everything was chaiotic inside. Can this drug calm your outward appearance, but still leave you whirling on the inside??
My 'ex' was on Ritalin as a child. As an adult he went back on it. Before he went back on the Ritalin, life was really chaotic, and he also went thru jobs. On it he is much calmer. It does not take everything away, and his impulse control still left a lot to be desired, but if you can imagine it was much, much worse. We divorced, and he was still on the Ritalin. Things that led to the divorce was poor impulse control, addiction, and violent behavior. All those things were there prior to Ritalin as well.
My 2 kids are also ADHD. Also have poor impulse control, no self discipline, and they do hit a lot. However, again, it was much more serious prior to Ritalin/a stimulant.
Both of my kids ended up needing a behavior modification medication as well. My 1 child needed it because of BiPolar and my other because of Tourette syndrome.
It is a difficult road. Easy is not in the vocabulary. Your heart does cry out a lot.
As to whirling on the inside, no. It is quite the opposite when the disorder is treated correctly.
For your husband, it may be worth looking into treatment as an adult.
Good luck.
Thanks for your reply! Sounds like you have had a rough go of it. My hubby definitely has poor impulse control. I use to like it when He would go out and buy something expensive that we didn't really need. The same type of thing like I would do. (I suspect that I have ADD, but never formally diagnosed). But once we had our kids and went down to one income, the impulse of buying expensive new things (new stereo system for ex.) had to go. Even though he knows month to month, how much $ we have he will still go out and spend. Then he gets mad when we don't have enough to pay for the bills and have to go deeper and deeper. I would say that he struggles with addiction. He used to be a chain smoker! Big Time!! One day he decided he was going to quit and he did, with the help of the patch and Zenecal (or something like that) an antidepressant that they use in the aid of smokers wanting to quit. After that I noticed that he would like to enjoy a glass of wine at night. It always had to be something( to take the edge off) At one point he was into the martini's. Once or twice a week he would sit down stairs and get totally wasted. Even on a work night. Two or three martini's in what looked to me like a margarita glass!!! We had a huge talk, I cried and told hiim how that affected me. I started to watch the bottles inthe cupboard and one day, I dumped everything and said I never wanted to see anything but wine or beer in the house again. If we have a bottle of vodka around, its almost like he will just drink it(not all at once!) until its gone. Probably everynight for a week.
I would have to say that over the last few months, he has hardly drank at all. Definitely a glass of wine once or twice a week, but nothing more. At the moment he is driving 2.5 hours to and from work everyday, so I think at the end of the day, he doesn't need anything to wind him down, he's just so exhausted. Any way great strides are being made there. He is definitely not violent, although he did go on antidepressants for a year for irritability, due to the fact that it was affecting how he got along with others at work. He felt that it worked great, but when he broke his leg last Jan. he let his prescription run out. His "shortness" and eye rolling drive me crazy sometimes. His patience sucks for lack of a better word. He can be a super great father, but at this time, he has no energy for the kids and almost starts yelling at them when he walks in the door at 7.30 at night. You would think with 30minutes til bedtime, he could hold it together, because they are so happy to see him. Our lives are in a huge state of chaos right now for various reasons which I won't go into, but we will be moving in a few months, closer to where he is working, so I hope everything will settle down to a more normal pace like it once was.
I'm not sure about my little guy. Hopefully once he is diagnosed, he can get a full time EA in the classroom for a little more one on one help. I am not against meds at all, if that is what is going to be best for him. His teacher at the moment, doesn't sound like she is pro drugs. I asked her if there were any other kids that she has taught on them and she said yes and that the one, walks around like a zombie. That scares me to death. But although it may be time consuming, when/if the tiime comes for meds, from reading other posts, its just a matter of finding a dose and drug that is right for him.
Any way thanks for listening. I would love to hear from all those regulars on here as well if they have anything to contribute. I have been lurking here for a few months now, and have seen a lot of really great advice given. It doesn't have to be anything deep, maybe just some words of encouragment!!! I need it!! Sharon
Hi im not a mum, im a sister, but i do know what its like to be surrounded by ADHD and disabilities. My mum she has femoral nerve damage in her right leg, my two older brothers have ADHD, but the affects of it have subsided, my sister has a form of ADHD, which is dyslexia, and my youngest brother he is the worst, not being offensive to him, he has ADHD, CD (conduct disorder) and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). I have no disability or ADHD and im the second youngest in my family so all of my life i have been strong and was able to accept that my parents didn't have the time to concentrate on me because of the rest of the family, i didnt mind i liked my time by myself. i know what its like to be isolated and surrounded by ADHD, and i know what its like at its worst. Just keep strong and follow your heart even though it is breaking. i know what it is like to have a heart that breaks constantly and i know what its like to be a mum and look after everyone, because i cook and clean and look after everyone because my dad works to bring in financial support, my mum has trouble walking and doing housework and my brothers and sisters have no discipline control, they're not motivated and simply dont know any better. just remember to keep strong for yourself the little boy who showers you with kisses and your husband.
For someone so young, you have so much compassion for others. I must tell you that (and I'm sure you know) not to ever think that your parents loved you any less. Having a child with ADHD and all the emotional baggage that goes along with it, can be so emotionally overwhelming. I can only imagine the stress that this put on your parents having more than one child with this. You have to believe that everything happens for a reason, and although you may have struggled with living in a family surrounded by disability, it has made you a caring sensitive supportive soul. My son has a resource teacher that is so great because she "gets" him. She understands why he does what he does. Jake (he's almost 5) has been having trouble on the playground, getting excited and pushing boys on the snow hill. Teacher comes over and times him out. Leaves him there for far too long, and he gets up and takes off. Then he is seen as defiant. In his mind when he is done his time out, he's going back on to the hill. He doesn't understand why he cant play there. And then he is sent in to the office. Meanwhile he has no idea what happened. If she would say to him "Jacob, when your time out is over you can play over at the climber or the rock," he would. Anyway, his teacher and I send notes back and forth to each other on school days, about things that have happened. Well 2 weeks ago things were going great at parent teacher interviews, then last week she slammed me with all the trouble outside stuff. I told her that he is a really sensitive little kid. She said that he never cries at school. blah blah. WEll yesterday, she sent a note home in responce to my last letter. She said she realizes that he is sensitive, but he must follow the rules and learn to be obedient. That he needs to show remorse for what he has done. Meaning that he must break down and bawl before she realizes that he really feels sorry for everything. Well that aint gona happen!!! Not that he doesnt feel bad, I know he does just by things that happen at home and how he reacts, but he isn't going to cry for them. Now he is building up a little wall for defence. He knows that he is inevitably going to get in trouble for something,(he never knows what because he never intentionally sets out to do wrong) so he just says that's ok, I like time outs, or I like going to the principles office. I know he doesn't want to go, and isn' t proud of it, he isn't going to let them know.I don't know, one day at a time I guess. Anyway thankyou so much for answering my post. Good luck with your project and I hope that some of the people here can answer your questions.
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