it took a while, but i think i found it: http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical..._auditory.html
it's called "central auditory processing disorder", not verbal learning disorder, and is often associated with ADHD.
my daughter matches ALL of the criteria listed and then some. she also experienced two of the possible causes: head trauma, when she was hit in the head by a horse buggy and then struck her head on the edge of a concrete slab when she was knocked unconcious (she was rushed for an emergency MRI and kept in the hospital for 48hrs, severe concussion) and chronic ear infection they couldn't shake until she was nearly two years old. her speech was BADLY delayed - she didn't speak coherently or in sentences better than baby babble until she was in kindergarten.
she's in high school now - they didn't test her until she was in grade ten and now many of her skills are either university level (reading) or grade five (math and writing).
i have no idea what to do.