As you may now from previous posts my son was diagnosed with PTSD in Oct 04 when he was 3. He was diagnosed with Mild adhd & a anxiety disorder when he was just over 5. His behaviour has varied but after his teenage sister moving out (she was a real difficult child) he improved. Since he started kindy however his moods have deteriorated. he is very well behaved at school and after school care when he goes but anywhere else and watch out. At home he is generally good apart from speaking to me rudely which I am working on. But when I am out with him, he ignores me. I am unsure if he is choosing to not listen or is just so unfocused does not realise I am speaking to him. I find this very frustrating. He has become increasing difficult. I rarely go out with him without it being a major drama. He is a loving caring sweet almost 6 year old but I fear his lack of sleep (still restless with occasional night terrors) and life in general his behaviour is just not going well. He is rebuilding his relationship with his dad who was abusive (with me not with my son and not physically) so there is certainly some stress but he seems to be quite happy to go and see dad so I do not think thats it. How can I discipline him effectively when I cannot determine what part of his behaviour he has control over. Help me. I am on my own and really struggling to be a good mum to my baby.
hello I have a grand son who is adhd and we found out when he was about three.I wish I could give you better advice but I cannot other than talk to a doctor.what is ptsd. I would like to get help with making my grandson not be in trouble all the time.I read to change his diet but again talk to a dr sorry I could give you any help
My 5 year old is well on his way to being diagnosed with ADHD. Since the age of 3 we have noticed similarities. His father has ADHD so it is pretty apparent that he has it as well. My little guy is the opposite. He struggles at school and seems better at home. At home though, he is not having the same demands being put on him as at school. He isn't defiant at home, is full of love and affection and is just a VERY busy boy that doesn't always make thoughtful decisions. Very impulsive. Put him into a school environment where he is expected to do things a certain way at a certain time and it is much harder for him. He tries so hard. He struggles with fine and gross motor skills, so her steps out with an EA to the OT room. Mostly he struggles with social issues, which breaks my heart. I am such a social person and it comes so easy to me. He totally misses social cues very much like his daddy. I wish sometimes it were the oposite. That he struggled more at home and less at school. But what I am thankful for is that he is a very loving affectionate little boy who is loved wholeheartedly and unconditionally by his family.
I just wanted to send you big (((hugs))) for being such a caring and compassionate mom to your little guy. Sometimes it is so hard to remember how sweet they can be when they are in the middle of a major blow out at Zellers!!!! You are doing this all on your own and that must be very difficult. When I feel my children are out of line with how they have spoken, I let them know how what they have said made me feel. I also take every oportunity to teach them empathy. What works with my little guy at school, maybe you could try at home. WE have a fantastic resource teacher. She made up this duotang for school. In it are pictures of , playing nicely, using kind words, soft touch, not getting angry, not pushing, trying his letters etc... When she catches him in the act of doing one of these things appropriately she immediately takes his book to him and praises him and lets him stamp his picture. For example, he was playing with friends and when "stuff" started to happen, he could have been physical, but instead he used his words. Immediate reward, by stamping his book. He LOVES it!!! His teacher always had difficulty with him and refrained trying things because she didn't want to "set him apart" from the others or "draw attention to him" Well didn't she think always reprimanding him and timing him out etc... was drawing attention to him. Now she is drawing postitive attention to him. She can't believe the improvement. I don't know if this has helped or not, but you could certainly implement this in a home setting. I plan to for the summer.
Your son has most definitely been thru alot in his short life, so it is easy to see why he might be having some difficulty at home. Sounds like you have his very best interests at heart and I am sure with time and research you will find some of the answers you are looking for. It seems to be an ever evolving process.!!
Thanks for the replies. I cried when I read them, I feel very isolated. I do know my son is a loving wonderful child, I guess thats why the "problem behaviour" really stands out. He is impulsive to which is what caused our car accident in may 04 (the ptsd - post traumatic stress disorder was primarily from that) he then fell from a 4 metre balcony (no injuries thank god). I fear for him. He seems to be fighting his difficulties, its like he realises his behaviour is not quite right and works really hard to control himself. If he is busy he is ok. But I cannot keep him busy 24/7 I am unfit, fat and have long term health issues and he is so demanding at times. I want so much to get this right but feel I am failing him every day. The car accident - If I had been quicker, If if if - the balcony if I had been closer, quicker. My son observing the abuse between my partner and I... had I left sooner. had I made better choices. I guess you cannot change the past but I want to get him through this. I think hes ok at school cause he is busy. I spend at least an hour a day with him (somtimes hard as a work 26hrs a week too.. might sound not much but with my health it its). Doing focus activities, games, jigsaws, drawing, school stuff. He is great when we are doing things but when I need time out he gets angry. He also hates people taking me away from him and lashes out at my mother etc. I do not expect to ever be with anyone else but if it happens it would be real hard. Anyway thanks for listening. This message board might just keep me sane!! Will try the suggestions.
I have to tell you, I am unfit, fat and 40!!!! I have chronic high blood pressure and I don't know how running around after this energetic little guy hasn't whipped me into shape!!! About accidents, my husband often says, if you shaved him bald, his head would be so scarred up. My son is exactly the same. His body craves the sensation of banging and crashing. He will come running into a room and throw himself on the floor, or slam into the couch. He never just sits quietly on my lap, he throws himself into it. For some reason something is missing inhis brain which satisfies this need. So his body does it for him. He cut his finger this weekend and had to go to emerg. Also this year he fell at the hockey arena from the first floor railing. Probably about 10 feet to a cement floor!! Knocked the wind out of hiim,but thank god that's all. His famous saying is " I'm OK!!!" I can't even count the number of times he has fallen down the stairs and you hear this little voice at the bottom. "I'm OK!!" Makes me smile just thinking about it. Kids like ours are often those that get into the adrenaline sports. Risk taking and such. Their body craves it. We have to guide them into those activites to satisfy that need. The last thing I want is my son finding inappropriate ways to get that adrenaline rush.
I know you are haveing a rough time, but please don't beat yourself up over all the what if's. I always wonder if my son is the way he is because of how his birth went. But their is nothing I can do to change it. This is the way things were meant to be. Look for outside resources to help you. Here in CAnada we have resource teachers that will work with him in the home and in school. Also Occupational Theripists that work with him to develop fine and gross motor skills. I think what you are doing at home to work with him is fantastic. I need to do more of that for sure.
I think they realize from a very early age that their behaviour isn't quite right. Even at the age of 4 he would bang his head with his fist and say " somethings not right in my head" If that isn't an indication that he knows, than I don't know what is. Like I said, my husband is ADHD so I have a little insight into what is going on. I think at the end of the day, they are so exhausted from trying to keep it together, that it all comes out. Unfortnately you are probably at the receiving end of it all.
As Oprah would say, "When you know better, you do better" You love your son. And you want only the best for him. Get him the help he needs and the continued support. Tell him you love him EVERY day, even if you are not feeling the most loving toward him. I always tell my son how proud I am of him. Even on a difficult day, I find something to point out and show him he should be proud of himself. Someone once said this to me and i share it with him almost every night. This person says to their child. " How did I get so lucky, that God decided to give you to me?" The look of happiness on his little face makes it allworth while. We have our share of frustrating days for sure. I really have to make sure with him, that I don't freak out over stuff he sometimes has no control over. Like, he has a really hard time carrying things and balancing them on plates. If we have pizza on a plate, you can bet 99% of the time that sucker is going to slide off onto the floor. Sometimes I react harshly to it, and I can see the humiliated look on his face. He doesn't mean to do it. I am the adult. I can have more control over how I react to things than he can. I am also not afraid to apologize for over reacting to things. Mommy's make mistakes too.
Hope you keep posting and keep looking for the positives. sharon
Thanks, I guess I just keep trying. I do love him so much and he is a sweetheart. tonight at the school disco he dragged a chair about 10 metres cause he thought I should be sitting down!! (chair was almost bigger than him@) his dad puts me down a lot (not to shane just to me) which is not helping. He has this way of making me feel worthless without even really trying but thats life I guess.
at the end of the day I am doing the best I can do at the moment.
Boy oh boy do I know what you are dealing with. Are you ADD too? I don't remember reading if you said you were not.
But living with and leaving an abusive relationship and then the ADHD kid too, that's enough to make you holler uncle. I know cause I been there. My guys, two boys, their daddy beat me and I left him when my oldest was two and my youngest was only three months old. I was reeling from the abuse in my relationship and the leaving of the marriage and my oldest being so hyper. He was so hyper that three psychiatrists definitely agreed to treat him at 2 and a half. No one would tell they SAW HIM. One day I had had it and we very visiting an assessment center. These people weren't going to listen to me so I let them listen to my little John. Well the door opened and said to myself, "go get em baby" and the first 30 seconds of being in the office, he had been in three rooms and had messed up two computers and knocked off all the stuff on another desk.
When I left, they told me that if the new psychiatrist they refered me to couldn't help me to call back and they would find one that would. I just let John do all the talking and that was all that was necessary LOL
You are doing good working with him at home. We all three of us our worst symptoms of our ADD is organization and distraction. So we have a very complex organization system here at home. They have buckets that they put coats and backpacks and belts and winter hats in every day. Glasses when they come off go to the top of the bookshelf in the living room. Shoes goes next to their box at the door. Each of them has their own place for where they put their stuff. It's a finely tune system and we never change it. Change one thing for me and John, we go nuts. Jacob, my youngest he's the better of all three of us and can function better than we can. But John is the worst and I am the second worst. So we've built up our systems that work in fine little detail and never change unless they have to, because we are so prone to forgetting things.
I would also suggest being able to laugh at the ADD. Me and my kids will do that, bonk yourself on the head and say, "whoops. I had just had another ADD moment" and then we laugh it up and move on again. I know the worst thing for me was always being called lazy and careless because I didn't function like everyone else. it always came easier for everyone else than it did me. But when I went to school no one knew little girls actually had the "hyperactivity" disorder too.