Please help me! I'm going crazy! Warning, LONG - ADD / ADHD Message Board

nickkaylee · 06-10-2006, 11:56 AM

My son has very bad ADHD. He is taking Dexedrine 20 mg. twice a day. I "thought" he was doing well on these meds.His grades had improved in school and everything. We took him to a psychiatrist at the referral of a neurologist we took him to for testing. This person told me that he has ADHD but may have some other conditions that could only be diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Anyway we took him and the doctor said he wanted him to see a therapist for a while and see what she said. So we took him to like 6 visits with this therapist and I'll tell you, it was a joke. Everything that happened seemed to have nothing to do with the problems that I was mainly concerned about. Who cares if he can clean his room if he's driving us all crazy and beating on his sister in the meantime! What I wanted help with was his mouthiness at all times and putting holes in my walls or breaking doors or the bruises on his sister if he doesn't get his way! Anyway, after all these visits we go back and see the psychiatris who sees the form he got me to get Nicholas's teacher to fill out which shows he's less distracted and somewhat doing better in school. He tells me that it seems Nicholas is not too distracted at school and is doing better. He thinks that Nicholas is pretty much under control with the meds and doesn't want to see him for 3 months and if he's still doing good he won't see him anymore and will just have him see his regular doctor for meds. So here's the kicker. I ask him if there's anything he can give him in the evening to help with his hyperness and uncontrollable behavior, especially with the bossiness he exhibits and hitting of his sister. He tells me that he doesn't want to give Nicholas any MORE of the meds because he's pretty much at the max dose and that these meds are pretty much only for concentration and notfor hyperness! He also tells me that he thinks most of Nicholas problems are dicipline problems and not necessarilty from his ADHD! This man has seen Nicholas twice and only for like 10 minutes where he pretty much only talked to me and Nicholas sat there not participating! There has been NO mention of any other possible conditions he may have (although the neurologist thought he showed symptoms of possible bipolar and/or ODD). I told him I was just hoping maybe he could give him something for his moodiness and/or aggresion. He told me there really wasn't anything he could give him! If you look at the symptoms of ODD Nicholas has all of them and to a severe degree with some of them. I think I'm going to take him to a different psychiatrist. He definitely won't be going to that idiot therapist again! We had a meeting with Nicholas's teacher and the principal a couple o weeks ago. It was due to the fact that on lots of days Nicholas just flat out refuses to do his work. Some days he does okay with some of it but on lots of occasions he just flat out says he doesn't have to do it and WON'T! The principal told me that he has never in all his years seen a child that will talk to him the way Nicholas does. Most kids may not like what they have to do and may get a bit mouthy but they will ralize that they have to do it and will do it. Not Nicholas. He doesn't care hwo it is, he won't do it and will tell them he doesn't have to. I don't know what to do anymore. Right now he is downstairs telling my parents (they moved in with me after my divorce) that they can NOT keep him out of their room if my daughter can be in there. He has been terrorizing my daughter almost non-stop for 2 days. My mother went to the doctor yesterday and had a bloodpressure of 175/something. They told her to stay calm. She absolutely blames Nicholas for this (and is probably right). She's so afraid he is going to hurt my daughter or somebody else. Kaylee constantly has bruises from him. If she doesn't do exactly what he wants he hits her. He tries to tell everyone what to do all the time. We don't let him do this but it seems that no matter what we do he won't stop. Punishing him doesn't work either. If you put him in his room he just puts holes in the walls or his door. I need help. I don't know what to do anymore.

Jennita · 06-10-2006, 11:07 PM

If he is an agressive child, stimulants for ADD are probably the worst thing for him. Stimulants have been connected to causing such things as bi-polar and OCD among other mental disorders. I would re-consider his need for meds.

Also, isn't there anything that would scare him into stopping his behaviors. like perhaps the idea of being sent to live elsewhere? Surely social services might have to intervene if there is violence to your daughter? I would at least make him aware he might be taken away if he doesn't stop.

shautzie · 06-10-2006, 11:45 PM

I sympathize with you. Being a parent is so difficult sometimes. My son and i both have ADD and anxiety. I agree with jennita the meds your son is taking is probably very well causing the anger. I also want to offer you this, my son who is the sweetest kid in the world did start to display some irritable and angry emotions when he was on adderall xr and he did this with a few other meds aswell. I decided to take him off complety. I stay in close contact with his teacher and i have let up on the pressure about getting all the school work done all the time. I sit next to him when he does his homework but i do not help him do it. This reminds him to stay on task and he likes that i am by his side it makes him feel supported. But not all parents have that luxury like i do. There are alot of coping strategies you can do to help him.

I can tell you from my own experience it is very difficult to have ADD and be in a normal school setting. Your son may be exhausted and frustrated not only with his school work but all the social situations he has to deal with at school. It sounds like he is VERy angry and he feels no one is listening. You mentioned you have gotten a divorce he may be acting out and upset about that and a multitude of other things and acting out.. I hope this helps. I do know it is a difficult thing to deal with But i also know if you stick to it and read and find support from a good doctor and also let your kid know you are on his side but have a firm clear cut way of what is expected and the consequences given if he does not follow them, he will benifit from it.. i wish you well hang in there!

nickkaylee · 06-11-2006, 07:32 PM

I just wanted to add that the divorce was a good thing in the eyes of my children. Se my older two children are from a previous relationship. My husband, David, was not his father. Nicholas and David did not get along from the get go. Nicholas would not listen to him at all. He didn't see him as his authority figure. There were even quite a few fights between them where Nicholas would actually hit David. Needless to say, Nicholas's behavior was one of the main reasons we did get a divorce. David just couldn't handle him and really did not have the patience. Don't get me wrong, I think the divorce was a good thing. My kids are my life and they always come first so if you can't accept the kids you can't accept me. I also wanted to say that Nicholas has his good points too. He is a very big help. He likes to do things like mow the lawn and stuff like that, just because it's helpful. He's not always all bad with him, but it seems like most of the time it's the bad things we end up talking about.

addprogrammer · 06-11-2006, 09:13 PM

nickkaylee,

I read your post about 18 hours ago and said, don't touch that one. Nicolas has serious problems and his mom needs expert advice in dealing with them.

I am not an expert. But I think I know something that will work.

First, let me give you my credentials. My wife and I have no children. However, we were entrusted with her two nephews for 5 or 6 years after my wife's sister decided to hop in bed with another man. My brother-in-law got custody. But until he remarried several years later, well, we were the parents most of the time.

I agree that sometimes a divorce is the only solution. My brother-in-law really had no choice. Wife's sister wanted out and left. Period. To this day, she's a flake. Wants to party as if still a teen.

My other credential is that I am as ADHD as hell. But I didn't know until quite recently. It is so easy to remember my school days and the TORMENT I experienced. Your boy has got a very serious medical problem and it must be addressed. You are doing that.

ADHDers at any age need structure. ADHD children need structure too but they also need lots of love. There is no quick fix solution. Anything you try will take months, if not years, to produce some positive results.

Here is a few things you might try ...

1. Hug and kiss, and kiss, and kiss Nicolas several times a day. He must know he is loved. Right now he hates himself.

2. Nicolas has to learn that there are rules. And breaking the rules brings consequences. I'd start first with his attacks on his sister. You must put a stop to that immediately. The next time he transgresses, hug and kiss him and tell him, "Nicolas, I love you and I don't want you to grow up and get into really big trouble." (You might explain to him that if an adult did what he did, the adult would be sent to prison.) "So I want you to go to your room and stay there for (whatever amount of time you deem appropriate.)

We both know what Nicolas is going to do. He will be in his room punching holes in the walls, screaming, hollering, caring on. Let him do it. But don't give in. And don't fix the holes. It will be sometime before he stops making new ones.

3. Reward, however so slight, any improvement you see in his behavior.

4. Keep repeating steps 1 - 3 until some improvement is noted.

5. Give Nicolas chores to do. Start small and progressively add responsibilities. ADHD children learn to love themselves by a series of small successes. Nothing else works. All children need to learn that life's rewards are only attainable through hard work and persistance. Otherwise, they grow up thinking the world owes them a living.

6. I agree that Nicolas needs meds. And I know from experience that stimulants calm me down. However, one of the first signs of "too much" is insomnia. Insomnia is a certainty for me if I take my Adderall too late in the day. Nothing exascerbates my ADHD symptoms worse than fatigue. It is risky to up his Dexedrine if he is at max. If your consistant application of points 1 through 5 produce no positive results, talk to your doctor about a non-stimulant med for the evenings. He made need it, I don't know. I do know that like every other disorder there are degrees of ADHD. A severely ADHD person may need more meds than usually prescribed. But rarely any doctor other than a shrink will make such a call.

Whatever you do, remember this: It is going to take consistent application over an extended period of time to produce results.

Bob