people don't understand :( - ADD / ADHD Message Board

sad song · 06-12-2006, 11:02 AM

I have ADD and am always forgetting things and basically just making mistakes. A lot of times I space out when people are talking to me, and my one friend gets mad at me all the time, says I never pay attention to what he says. This morning I had an exam and I missed it - this same friend came to wake me up at 830 but I didn't wake up - he apparently told me to leave the door unlocked but I forgot and I didn't hear him. Now he's so mad and says that I just don't listen to him, that I just "do whatever I want" all the time, that I only think about myself etc. And then he said "you always use that ADD thing as an excuse." The truth is I wish I was different but he doesn't understand it and just makes me feel worse about it than I already do. He made me cry and cry cause he just kept yelling at me. I hate when people don't take ADD seriously, I can't help that I always space out, he makes it seem like I'm such a bad selfish person for it. Sorry, just venting, I don't feel good and any advice appreciated.

Funkdoc · 06-12-2006, 06:26 PM

Sounds like its a boyfriend. Anyways you really should try not let people like that get to you. They dont know what your going through s F___them!! If they can't take you for who you are then, they are not as good as friend as you think.

There are some things that can help you:

1) WHY can't you wake up? You are not 12 right? Don't rely on ppl for things like this, your grown up you should wake yourself up. No excuses! Go to radio shack and buy a $12 alarm clock. I had the same problem as you, never wake up for class, but always for exams. BUy thr alarm clock without a radio, it is just a beep noise. It is extremely loud! put it at the foot of your bed, not next to you in arms reach. It will force you to get up! It is really annoying

2) You need to have an organizer, nothing too fancy, but somthing cheap, many school give these out for free. YOu need to write stuff down to rememebr silly.

3) When someone is talking to you and you start spacing out, refocus yourself. As soon as you realize that you are not paying attention stop the person who is talking and simply say "oops im srry i was totally spacing out, please repeat what you just said" Doing this will not only help you refocus, but also show the other person you acknowledge the fact that they are important enough for you to want to listen.

Hope that helps, I too have a.d.d. but I started controlling it with acknowledging the fact that i am distracted so I can get back on pace.
A mind is a powerful thing, if you learn to control it a little better it will make your life easier! And trust me this is important because when your talking to a teacher, you need to be able to listen. try these things and pm me sometime to tell me how your doing.

By the way what grade are you in? I am about to graduate college.

busterangel · 06-13-2006, 11:14 AM

Why I don't have the same problems as you describe (not waking up in time) I do have a focus problem.

But I have a friend who I feel sure is ADD as well, who has punctuality problem. I used to get very angry at her. I thought she was being selfish for making me wait. (Even though I am ADD, I am almost OCD about being on time, so I am always early) I used to think my friend just didn't care about my feelings.

Over the years, we have both come to understand that we BOTH get off track, we both talk over the top of the other one's conversation. We realize that we need to make small adjustments to allow for our differences. I don't get angry nearly as often about her tardiness and she is better about letting me know when she is going to be late. I don't take what she does personally anymore.

Funkdok has some good advice about the alarm clock and daily reminder.

pattihabs · 06-15-2006, 07:17 PM

dear sad song,

i don't know much about add but i do have a nephew with it and aspergers(probably spelled wrong

), anyway, he has many of the same problems. he lives at home and will be 21 in dec. (nothing wrong with living home because i'm a mom and never want mine to leave...lol). anyway, his parents, my sister and her hubby are always yelling at him

. this has been going on since the kid was 4 or 5. he was diagnosed with add at age 8 or 9. he was on meds for a while(ridalin) and it made him real spacy and sleepy all the time. anyway, send your friend to an add web sight and maybe they will understand. i gave rsd(a neuralogical problem) and it is extremely hard to get people to understand what i'm going through. organization however is the key to any success so if i were you, i would try to work on that skill and it is a skill you will need in all aspects in your life, not only a job but also being a parent. sorry about my spelling but i have a bad memory also

and i can;t remember how to spell. i'm on this isghtt because my soon to be 16 yr old will be getting tested for adhd. oh well, best of luck too you and keep good spirits

if your anything like my nephew, your a great person as he is too and i never met a perfect person in my life

see you, patti

smz3 · 06-16-2006, 08:41 AM

Hi sadsong. I can completely identify with what you are going through. But, like funkdoc says, you can certainly work to get this under control...it is not hopeless. Have you read any books on the subject? Try "Driven to Distraction" and the 2nd book "Driven from Distraction"...both great books with lots of good information. Also, there is a vibrating alarm clock made specifically for ADDers, you put it under your pillow or under covers and it vibrates to wake you up...a lot of ADDers find it very helpful. I use my cell phone, set it to it's highest volume plus vibrate and put it on a hard surface next to me...the annoying ring and the vibration against the hard surface makes me get up.

Another poster said they have 2 alarm clocks, they set one for 30 mins before they have to get up and put it across the room...when it goes off they get up, turn it off, take their meds and go back to bed. When the second one goes off the medication is starting to kick in and they can start their day.

Are you on any medication? If not, you can go to your campus mental health clinic explain your situation and they should be able to help you. Or call your regular doctor, if you are diagnosed they can prescribe medication for you.

It sounds like you are in college, so you are young and can get this under control before it really starts to create havoc in your life. I am 44 and wish I had known a long time ago that I have ADD (just diagnosed 1 month ago) because things would be much different if I had.

Hang in there and focus on getting this under control...if you do that it will help to make life a little easier. Even if it is not perfect at first, at least you will be working towards a goal and that should make you feel a lot better. Good luck!