pucca_chick

Ok ive never bin diagnosed with nething cos i never ever told ne1 bout anything i felt. i have bin reading up on add and stuff to see about it and on the persoanality disorder board sum1 mentioned adhd. ill tell u my past first:

i was always extremely quiet and shy as a child. i had alot of problems being sociable and found it quite stressful. i was the different outcast in the class and may have come across as a dunce or vacant, but really i was just shy and seemed unable to interact sumtimes.

i was always behind in school. especially my first skool. i was last in most things, very shy, the last to learn nething. i cudnt seem to remeber anything. ud explain sumthing to me and id get it went the teacher went thru it with me, but i cudnt apply it to any other questions nor cud i remember the sequence after 15mins. my reports were constabntly riddled witht the term'day dreamer' and'lacks focus and concentration' and needing to pay more attention. i just cudnt stay focused, i dnt know how or remember the process of loosing attention. my parents were always in skool talking with my skool problems and how i needed to work harder(it was a snobby extremely pushy private skool-i hated it tho!). i spent most days in detention doing the work i cudnt finish nor undersatnd. i was constantly screamed at and laffed at cos i just cudnt grasp it until ages and even then i was never consistant and always last in tests. i had to go to a special learning person for extra classes for a while, she did things with the group like picture cards for phrases and memory games and pronunciations-what mite this be, is it a spe ial way of learning, y did they think i needed this???

neway, i came out and transferred at the end of the 7 years to a rather rough school, it was seen as the dunce place to be. but cos it wasnt so pushy i done much better, yes i cud still be a day dreamer but i definatley improved. im still very shy and find it awkward socially but ik better. during my big exams however i found it extremely challenging. at first i cud revise for hours cos i felt motivated. but then it was 10mins i was struggling wioth, id day dream, go of, id walk off, fiddle with everything, id forget what id even looked at again within minutes after revising it for an hour. however during this time i was hiding depression adn stuff. but now thats sorta lufted and its still there.but i still find it hard tio follow or pay attention during reading abook, i can read it and take none iof it in, or i totally phase out if sum1 else is reading even if i make an effort.

i did loose alot of motivation, my moto is i cant be arsed. everything is such a struggle and challenge to look at and learn, i cannot follow sequencil thmgs or remeber little details, i get confused, i doubt myself and they just dont make sense. im in a dance class and im always going off into my own little world and i am hell for remebering or even following the sequences or routines went the teacher is instructing us, im the only one in the class liie this and i am sorta the butt of her joke but i know she gets very frustrated with me. i weas just curiou if this sounds anything like add or adhd, can u explain to me or tel me examples. is 18 to old to be looked at for it, am i jjust overly lazy and concerned.i am quite acandemic now tho cos i wored hard but its such a struggle.thanx xox