Oh my gosh!!!! I have never heard of another parent mentioning toe-walking!!! My son toe walks as well! We freaked when we first saw him do it. He does it a lot, and it just makes one cringe at the sight. You'd think it would hurt them?
We are still awaiting for approvial with our insurance for the OT. Each week the OT office gives us a call the night before our alledged appointment and then we wait. It is annoying. So we never know if we will have an appointment or not. Frustrating. He really needs it because he can sometimes be aggressive with other kids like his cousins or his brother, not intentionally; just out of impulsiveness. It is sensory reaction. The pdoc told us it is Sensory/ADHD combination. Mostly, it is when he is in action and is stimulated. We also have a neice who has Sensory problems who is 4 years old. I can't remember the types; she is one extreme where our son is the opposite.
I have read 'The Out of Sync Child' and have the book, while I read it often, because I am not able to contain a lot of information due to the meds I take. I have Bipolar Disorder and my meds cause short term memory loss, so I have to re-read a lot of stuff constantly. LOL I can relate to some of the things my son goes through. I too, get over stimulated as well in various situations.
My son is taking meds. He had to due to the schools request and becuase of his destructive and violent behaviors. He was harming other children and was on the next way out of the door of being kicked out of school. He takes Ritalin LA, Ritalin, and Clonidine. He has taken Adderall and Risperderal as well. They caused him problems- appetite loss, lethargy, and some aggression. Each child reacts to medication differently. All children are treated differently in each situation. Meds verses no meds. We have another child with An aggressive disorder that I completely forgot the name of- go figure, and he is not on meds. He is doing really well. Both of our boys do have RAD though. They both have been in therapy for the RAD, and it has been really successful.
I sure hope we are able to get the OT approved. If not, I feel that my son will be cheated out of a great experience and therapy that will help him get better. That is very obvious after reading your post amm.
The weight vest sounds really nice worm. Wish I could sew. The sewing machine and I are not friends. We don't work well together. LOL Somehow I always manage to break the sewing needle. Don't know how I do that.
Are your boys picky eaters? My boy is very picky. He is also picky about what he wears too. He sometimes will only wear the same sweat pants 3 times a week, and if he could wear them more than that. It is really annoying. And to get him to eat protien, well, I am thinking of buying some pediasure because he won't eat much meat. He is really skinny.
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
It's funny but that is my daughter's nickname! I am a pre-school teacher and I also have a daughter who is 11 with sensory problems. She was diagnosed with adhd, but I don't believe that she has that. I think her lack of focus and problems with attention are a direct result of the sensory issues. I do not, nor have never had her on medication. I don't judge those that go that route, but I have had some bad experience medicating my children and have chosen not to do it again. She has adjusted pretty well up until now, but joy, joy we're in middle school and that's a whole nother issue in itself. She also has to have the right kind of socks, no tags in the shirt, the shoes have to almost fall completely off her foot, as well as, various other little curiosities. Sensory intergration problems can either be from being too sensitive like my daughter, or not being stimulated enough. The things you mentioned are classic sensory behaviors and once he starts OT and you get educated you will see it's easier to deal with than you might think. Just look at it like this, your son is a unique individual that has his own likes and dislikes. He may be a bit more demanding in certian areas than your other children, but he can and will learn to adapt to his own personality. Trained professionals will be a big help in determining how well you guys do with this. It is not as bad as it seems. I see children just like your son EVERY year in my classroom. He is not as different as you might think. In fact I have one in my room this year that sounds alot like him. These children need a little more patience, acceptance of who they are, and lots of love and most do very well. They and you learn to adapt and rise above. Have hope for his future and don't get overwhelmed by the labels people will try to put on him. He's yours and you know him best. You don't have to accept every doctor's oponion as the Gospel. Get educated on this and you will feel better.
Good luck and God bless.
Great post, Cyndi! Sensory issues are so overlooked because, in my opinion, not many professionals even know about it. Many children are misdiagnosed because of the lack of awareness of SID.
Buying socks and shoes for my son is a chore. Socks have to be thin, but not too thin, cotton, and fit snuggly. The only socks that we have found are at Gymboree, but he will soon outgrow that brand and I don't know what we will do! Buying sneakers takes forever. We found a brand of school shoes that fit him perfectly, so that is ALL WE BUY FOR HIM. They have to be slip-ons (although he can tie shoes). No zippers or velcro. Who knows why. Tags on clothes are a problem, although I have noticed that more and more companies are going tagless.
Food has to be the proper texture. He is very willing to try new foods, but he primarily eats fruits and vegetables. He likes chicken and pasta, but is not wild on red meat. Food is not allowed to touch. No condiments on hot dogs or hamburgers, certainly no cheese on a burger, and we NEVER do milk in cereal. I'm very used to this and don't think twice about it now, but it was a challenge at first.
Hang in there, ladies! We will all get through this. It is SO NICE to be able to chat with others who have similar experiences. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one, and it really is hard for others to understand.
Check out kohl's for socks. I know they sell girl's white sock that have no seam across the toe. I haven't checked for boys, but if they are white who will know the difference? Yes, you are right we will get through this. It's all good. Besides we don't remember how quirky we were as youngsters now do we? I'm sure our parents didn't know what to do with us either!!!
Do you ever feel like other parents stare at you sometimes when your child is getting really wild and crazy in public or at school? I do, and it is utterly upsetting. I don't get embarrassed, just upset because they don't understand, and I wish 'they' could walk our shoes for once. Then they would comprehend how daily life can be so interesting and enduring.
I feel this all the time with my son who has asperger's. He touches people, gets in their faces, hugs people, just cant keep his hands to himself, along with just being annoying! He is fine in structured situations but get him with anything outside of that watch out!!!
I wish I could wear a sign saying "I'm really not a B of a mom, I just need to structure him"
People that I hear whispering that he should be disciplined really need to walk in my shoes for just a halfday! I want to see how they would deal with it.
We too have out son, who is 7, in OT for sensory issues. He searches out sensory things. Once he drank a container of boiling water and it took a while for it to sink into his brain that it was hot. Only after he blistered did he notice it. This was when he was 4. i took him to the dr and explained what he does and asked if he could have sensory problems. The dr at that time said no. Now almost 3 years later he was diagnosed with sensory disfunction, oppositional defiance disorder and aspergers. I agree with the sensory disfunction, but after working with the OT I think the other things are related to the sd instead. He has improved greatly even after 3 OT apts.
Last edited by momof4boys; 09-23-2006 at 08:46 PM.
My son also gets into people's faces or their 'personal space' because he simply cannot judge what personal space is. It is part of his sd. It drives us literally batty. Other moms think I am a bad mom and can't control him because of that, and when I am picking him up at school the looks they give are profounding. If only they knew!
Example: The other day I was talking to 3 moms who know he has all of these problems, and these moms know he can be very aggressive, however, they do not 'get it' though they are aware. He came running, full force speed ahead at me, and his brother was standing right behind me. He ran, jumped onto my leg with his foot, kicked me, hard enough to knock me over, then knock my other son over- onto the ground. Need I say, this son only weighs 37-40 pounds on a good day! One of the other moms grabbed him and started to tickle him. I was so distraught. Not angry- just dumbfounded he would do that and speechless. What would you have done? And, all the other mom's kept saying to him-' Oh Jake, you are just so silly, and such a wild little boy'. That just made him feel more of a little stinker which enabled him to think it was okay what he did. And on the way home he says to me, "Mom, I am NOT sorry for hurting you. Not at all". He got time out when we got home. ugh!
Sorry for the book I just wrote. Anyway, that is the kind of moms I face daily. I don't have any support where I live, and it is frustrating. It is a taboo subject. They think he is just being a boy, along with our family. No, he is not. That is a sign of aggression from ADHD and not knowing where his limits are. Usually when he waits for me when I pick them up from school, he is usually hugging the other kids or tackling them. And he is on meds. That is the time of day his meds are wearing out.
I sure hope we can get into OT this week, however, our other son is having problems with his asthma, and it isn't looking really good. He is looking more like he might end up in the hospital before the end of the week.
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
Are you sure you don't have my son living with you?
I drop him off at school everyday and I have to wait for the bell to ring to let him go in because otherwise he does the same exact things with touching tackeling pushing, etc.
I'm tired of my family "suggesting" I watch nanny 911. I don't think they get the fact that he needs something more than a rescuer coming in hand trying to change us. We are trying to get him help and it seems to be working so far.
I like the heavy lifting OT that is supposed to connect the tendons and ligaments with something in his brain. He seems more focused. We are also bringing him to a wellness center where they will do an advanced evaluation to see if there is anything missing or that he is allergic to.
I am willing to try anything to get him to focus and reach out to people in an appropriate way. I heard that meds for this type of personality does not help and may make them worse...have you heard that too?
LOL Oh, have I ever too been told to watch 'Nanny 911' as well. Many times over and over again. It hurts. And, when I've watched the show, it is like- 'Gee, that looks like my son'! Only, he acts like that because he has issues, not because he is that way because of my lack of parental stupidity. We have read numerous parenting books, spoken to psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, attachment therapists, family counselors, etc.- all have helped in some areas and we have seen improvement BUT we still have a ways to go yet. We are not out of the woods yet. He needs OT.
I haven't read where the meds cause problems for SD children. That is not what I needed to hear especially when he is a mess without the meds in the daytime. Hmmm? Oh dearie. I think our son could possibly be borderline Bipolar as well. That can't be dx'd until the mid teens though, as it is a hard illness to diagnos in children.
We live one block from the school. I have to drive the boys to school every day because walking them is simply out of the picture. Son with ADHD/SD is a total disaster walking. He hits, spits, bites, runs into the street, screams, kicks, etc. all teh way to the school. We try to use stickers, game boy priveledges, etc, and nothing works. HE does not care. So, if he is naughty in the car on the way to the school- in the one minute it takes to drive there, I walk him into the gym, take him to a teacher, and she then sits with him til the bell rings. It is a sad situation. I hate doing it, but it is the only safe way for other kids to be around him.
Otherwise, he is very good in school. Thankgoodness!!! Knock on wood.
Hope all is well in your homes this week gals.
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
We have the same issues with our son that everything we tried helps a little! And why can't people that are around us tell that it is not the lack of parental stupidity(as you said) and that we are trying and that there is obviously something going on extra with them?
Our school said that they don't see anything wrong with our son and that they only see a discipline problem....so that is great for you that they are willing to take him from you in the mornings and that you are working together.
I know how hard transitions are. Does your son have problems with the extra classes too like art, music, gym. Those are times when our son has problems too. There is a specialist here in wisconsin that deals with special children and she has written many informational items regarding transitions and she uses an iceberg as a description. That the tip of the iceberg shows...but what is underneath the water is what is really going on. Unless you go under the water and see what is there you only see the problem and not how to get to a solution. She is excellent. And we actually have her working in a public school district. Her specialty is Aspergers/Autism but she covers lots of other things and much of the assistance can carry over into other issues too.
Thanks for the replies too! Keep on Keeping on!
This is such a great thread. My son has bits and pieces of all those traits that have been mentioned before. He is 5 and a half and has SD and ADHD. His OT calls him a banger and a crasher, because his body craves the sensation of that impact. Unfortunately this is not good in a situation where there are other children. (sometimes) He wants to play so bad, but will come barrelling in full force arms flinging and legs flying. He loves to spin also, but has no idea where he is in relation to others. Someone accidently gets hurt, about 75% of the time, unless I am there to remind him to slow down. He rarely walks anywhere. Everything is in fast forward. The other day I saw him biking SLOW, and it took a minute for my brain to register what I was seeing. His resource teacher says that pictures work wonders for him, but they are not using them in school right now, as he is doing amazing. Only 2.5 hours a day. Next year in Grade 1, I fear that things will be greatly different!!! He doesn't have any adversions to texture or that type of stuff with his SD.
About a month ago, I was confronted by a neighbour on the street. Aparently my son was showing the kids playing out side, what he was going to do to a bee that was flying around and did an array of uncontrolled Karate chop and kicking and happened to come too close to a boy, and kicked him in the privates. She went up one side of me and down the other and Yelled at me to "discipline your child!!!" If she only knew what we have been thru for the past 2 years. I have friends who are teachers and social workers who recommended that I start working with Jake very early on. Apparently to this woman, it looks like I am doing nothing, which I was very shocked at. WE are new to this neighbourhood, so not off to a good start at all.
Jake is VERY active and does not always act appropriately, but I guess her son who is two years older than Jake must be the model child. Anyway, she did alot of finger wagging and made me feel like I was letting him run amuck. Funny thing is, is I am on top of him more now because we live in the city here, than I was in the country. I am still trying to get past this, because my kids really want to play with the other children. I must also add that, the other parents are very good with Jake and treat them as they would there own.
As we all know this is a continuous process, with many things to learn along the way. One thing I have learned is that you can't expect all people to understand why your child is the way he is and that there are always going to be judgemental intollerant people in you life. You just have to know that you are doing the best for your child.
Why.... My son is also a ..... 'Jake'. LOL And, he too, is a full-force charger. Look out and he is running in all directions at times. It is so scary. One day, for no apparent reason, he started kicking all of the neighbor kids because he felt like he was a kung-fu karate guy and if they came near him, he would either chop at them or run towards them like a full-back football guy. Luckily, DH was home that day and had to deal with the other parents and children. It was so ugly as he had harmed girls- which made me feel even worse and I was so upset about that it took me about a week to recover from it. Needless to say, the children he hurt; ugh.... no further comment. Then there is the parental factor. Don't even get me started. It is so awful when ones child harms another because they are 'out of control' thinking they are 'KING KONG' or 'Superman'. Need I say more? My heart just bleeds for the sake of my son. Why can't he just gain control? It is an illness, and hard to comprehend that at times, also hard to remember when the child is acting naughty in spurts and then like the golden child at other times. So confusing.
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
Last night was just awful and I feel like I am the worst mommy in the world. Jake was playing with the neighbour boys and they were doing great. We were only out for about 5 minutes before "that other boy" came out of his house to play hockey on the street. Of course the little boys my son was playing with went running and here I am, freaking out saying no! We are going inside, because I can't stand the thought of something else happening and having to deal with the psyco mother. Jake was so upset that he was throwing up. "mommy, I just want to play with the other kids"!! I feel almost an anxiety attack coming on when this kid comes out of his house. And most importantly I feel like I am doing some long term damage to my son. He knows why I don't want him to play with Braeden, but I also think he feels like he has done something really bad, because, this wasn't just a incident that we dealt with and it is over. This feeling is dragging on and on, and I don't know how to shake it. I should be letting him play with REALLY close supervision, but I can;t bring myself to even be outside when this is happening. It overwhelms me. Anyway, sorry for ranting, it is just a really emotional issue for me, as I have always been the type of person that people like and to know that this woman is judging me and has no problem letting me know, tears me up.
with many hugs. Your son is similar to mine with how he is intereacting in the neighborhood. Minus the throwing up part. That must be very upsetting to have happen. The anxiety you are experiencing is very comparable to what I too, am coping with at our household. The anxiety and frustration of the other 'judgemental mom's' that do not understand nor comprehend what SD/ADHD or special needs is, can be so overwhelming. Especially when one has bluntly expressed to that particular parent what the description is, or what the boundaries are with ones child is, and why the child must have parental supervision at all times. Strangely enough, those parents or certain mom's, are either arogant, stubborn, or ignorant, or refuse to comply to what we, the moms of children with SD/ADHD/special needs children recommend and request. Unfortunately, when they do not do as requested, there are severe consequences to pay. And, it is not as we have forewarned them. 'Hello people?'!! ugh!!!
My heart goes out to you with what you went through last night. That would have been very upsetting. It is something that I've been through before in a similar situation, only to a various degree with another mom not complying and child not listening to me. They still, to this day, refuse to believe he has any issues- yet the son tattles to his mother 'Jake was in the principals office for being naughty today.'- Right in front of me. And then the mom glares at me and walks away as if I am a terrible mom, though she refuses to understand he has these issues, and will not try to 'hear' Jake's side of the story, and usually half the time when he is in the principals office it is because he is there because the special needs teacher has put him there for a pow-wow session between her and the principal to discuss 'his issues together with him' and his behaviors in the classroom or at recess. GRRR! That was how things were last year- he has been much better this year.
Hang in there Musckako. You know there are other moms who do understand what it is like being in your shoes. It is a shame we all can't find other moms in our areas that we can confide in. That would be a huge bonus. In my area there is a special needs support group- ONLY there are no other moms with children of ADHD children. So, I am out of luck. That totally stinks. Check with your school or AEA (area educational association) to see if they can recommend a support group in the area.
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
Thanks so much for your words of support. I is comforting to know that there are other moms out there that are going thru the same issues. One of my neighbours stopped by this morning. She knows what is going on, and she noticed that I kept Jake in last night when braden came out to play. She very adamantly told me not to do that to Jake. Let him play with the other kids. If the "other mom" doesn't like it, then she can bring her son in. She had lots to say about this woman, and even though their kids play together, she doesn't have much respect for the mom. I forgot to mention that the mom who reemed me out also told me that she was "30 levels above everyone else in the neighbourhood because she doesn't stand outside and gossip" If she would stop giving people a reason to talk about her rude behaviour, then maybe they would stop "gossiping" As I said, I am new to the area and know nothing about these people, but I almost feel like she took her frustrations about how she felt about her other neighbours out on me!!! Her husband is a RCMP officer and has been very kind to us. I almost think he does it to overcompensate for his wife's behaviour. She definitely wears the pants in the family.
Anyway, I could go on and on, because the wound is still open, but my neighbour said some very comforting words this morning which has made me rethink things a little.
I do have a support group in my area, but have yet to attend. Once we are a little more settled, I will look them up. Since moving we have lost all our support. We are back on the waiting list for OT as well as a resource teacher, which was a godsend for us. Even though our old one is 5 hours away, she told me to call anytime I needed her. She really "gets" Jake, even more than I do. I love her to death and offered her and her son a place to live if she would follow me here!!! LOL. She wouldn't go for it!
I love the fact that I have this place to come and vent and not be judged. Thankyou so much for that. sharon
You are so fortunate that the other neighbor was empathetic and understanding. How grateful and what a nice relief off your shoulders. The other gal must be a nightmare to her own self, and that is too bad for her own family. She has a complex and that is her own situation, and let it be. Do what you can to avoid her at all cost. If you do run into her, you have 'to go' or 'a phone call to make', etc. Avoid the conflict. If they are going to be negative, or immediately change the subject to 'them' and 'their family'. Then they lose all focus on your child and family. I'm just learning how to do this and it really works. People like to talk about themselves, especially people who are very overly assertive. Her DH probably is trying to over compensate for her behavior- so don't feel bad about it. Just imagine what he feels like.
Where I live I am very quiet in my neighborhood, and am still trying to fit in. I have finally figured if I never fit in, then it is not that big of deal. The cliques are what they are and so be it. There are other social groups in life than the neighborhood. They all have playgroups constantly and leave my boys out due to their behaviors, and it hurts the boys. How would you handle that? It is hard. My one son is always constantly wanting me to invite the other kids over but when I do, and the other moms turn me down, what do I 'tell my boys?' That is when my heart breaks. There was once a time when we had a lot of kids play with the boys, but after a few bad incidents this summer with Jake, it all ended. Now, even the one family that once trusted their kids with us watching Jake closely, will not even allow their kids over to play. It really hurts. That mom, the one I just mentioned, I would like to just have a few words with. Her son, is no different- except he is just blantently naughty- than Jake. He has no manners, is rude, disrespectful, etc. and breaks all of our toys when he comes over. But, now due to one incident, her kids aren't allowed to play at our home.
It all makes me feel like a bad mom. That is so discouraging and frustrating at times. Which is why a support group would be a positive thing to be involved with. Right now I am e-mailing the Special Needs Teacher to help me out. Hopefully she will be able to direct me towards someone who can connect towards the group in the area.
Hope all is well with everyone.
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
Last edited by coffeegirl2; 09-29-2006 at 11:17 AM.