*RubySlippers*

[B]Hi, I have a child w/ ADHD, I can relate to how you feel somewhat. Also, I am in RN school and we just went over Oppositional Defiant Disorder:here is the definition:
Recurrent pattern of negativistic, disobedient, hostile, defiant behavior toward authority figures without serious violations of the basic rights of others. Child is stubborn, argumentative, defiant, vindictive, resentful, tests limits, is unwilling to give in, loses temper frequently, refuses to accept blame and blames others, and deliberately annoys others.

The main intervention that was noted to do for your son was outpatient Therapy, also, family therapy,(and I read you have tried this) it seems with this disorder, the child feels as if they are being asked or told to do something that is unreasonable to them. Also, focusing more on correcting his ego developemnt, behavioral therapy, also teaching him problem solving, conflict resolution, empathy, and social interaction skills.

Another thing we are taught is don't say Why?, that is a automatic word for them to get on the defense, ask him how he feels about things and leave it open, tell him it must be frustrating to feel angry and upset so much. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help. Have him write in a journal, or if he does not want to talk to you about a situation or anything, ask him if he will write you a letter, and answer him in a letter. It is non-confrontational.

Also, I read about what you said on the rewards, it states that daily rewards was better than at the end of week and so on. Not necessarily money or large items, but, if your son has a good day at school and completes his work, or just at home has a good day with no outbursts or excessive bad behavior, then say lets go get a movie or whatnot? Just you and him or your husband and him get in the car and drive. These are only suggestions I am not a Doc. However, I am specializing in Psychology, I am working on a minor in it right now.

By the way, my sisters daughter is similar to your son, very defiant, very hi IQ, she can paint, draw, write poems,direct plays, she wins tons of awards, she also has depression & ADD. She is now 16 is driving and has a job, it has helped, she has grown out of a lot of the behavior, however, she does still say awful things to her mother and they still have disagreements, whether that is the ODD or just teenager, who knows.

One thing that has helped her is to be in extra curricular activities, find out what he is interested in and get him into it, drawing classes, hobbies, sports anything that is a proven help without drugs or jail. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, if I can answer any questions I will be glad to post. Good luck.