Please help with my 8 year old son....please.... - ADD / ADHD Message Board

Onclou9 · 01-04-2007, 01:58 PM

Please help me figure this out.....

We have been oscilating back and forth between...this is a bad teacher to our child has add/adhd/ocd, etc. His second grade teacher SUCKS. She is forgetful, disorganized, curt, a hick, etc. But he was showing signs of this last year with his previous teacher as well but not to this degree.

Our son is generally a good kid. He has a lot of problems completing tasks and staying on task...he is 8 and in second grade.

We took him for his well visit and got the forms for his teachers to fill out regarding ADD/ADHD testing. Some of the things she filled ou suggest parts of it and others don't. I just don't know what to do. She indicated that his grades fell to B's, C's, and D's. His conduct is U for unsatisfactory from N last time. I just don't get it. We are hard on him....not like some parents who let their kids do anything. Sometimes brutally hard on him. She indicated that he generally doesn' t get along with his peers and isn't liked well by his peers. He has trouble concentrating and when given time to complete assigments, either cannot or will not. We don't beat him, we don't neglect him, we love him, we ARE hard on him, etc. He never wants to commit to anything long term....quite Karate after a couple terms. Quit soccer after a couple terms. He is mean to his sister and us as parents. He seems to be mean to other kids (burping in their ears, standing in their chairs, telling them to shut up, etc.). The quote from the teacher (who knows we are getting help), is that to other teachers look at him and think he gets no discipline at home.

We have tried spankings, time outs, lost privliges, yelling, screaming (when he was out of control), etc. Sometimes we look at each other and think, 'what were we worried about?' because he is an angel. Other times...usually when dealing with sibling rivalry between himself and his sister....devil. At school, I don't know how much is that he hates that ***** of a teacher and how much is truly abnormal.

I'm dying here. I love this creature with all my soul and it seems like he is failiing at life. He is underperforming at virtually everything. This isn't success and this isn't winning. His soul is being crushed by the constant beratement of checks (for bad behavior) and an occasional note home.

We are so tired and punch drunk from dealing with this that we aren't in control personally. This isn't enjoying life. This isn't happiness.

We are not sure if he has problems with ADD/ADHD....but it looks like we are going to have to try some kind of medication. Either he has ADD/ADHD, a learning disability, or he is just plain evil. Some of his stuff can be explained by the fact that he is 8, but not enough. We moved to keep him into this school district and now this is going to be his reputation.

Does this sound like anyone else's children? Did things turn around when you started medications? I am against medication unless absolutely necessary but this is like the capital punishment argument.....if not in this case, WHEN?

I am broken....encouragement would really help right about now.

OC9

all5balts · 01-05-2007, 12:30 AM

Hi there OC9!!

I totally know how you feel. I too have an 8 year old boy who at times seems like a total angel and at others....well you know. He cannot stand his 7 year old sister most of the time and has been diagnosed with ADD.

At times, we don't know if the teacher is right for him or not. Even on the meds that he was on, she was still calling me almost daily to let me know that my son wasn't doing anything in class. He won't do his classwork unless he is interested in whatever she is talking about. Although he is passing all subjects.

Has your son ever been tested for giftedness?? Mine was just recently and passed the test as "gifted." I have read a little bit about ADD with Giftedness and it says that a lot of the behaviors for gifted kids and ADD kids are the same. Acting out, being distructive, aggresivness, inattentivness and so on.

Anyhow, my son has tried several different meds and the doc just put him on Focalin 20 mg. It seems to calm him down to where he can tolerate things a little better but he doesn't want to eat while the meds are in his system. So I have him eat a good breakfast before taking the pill and let him eat whenever he feels like it at home.

At times I feel so confused too!!

I hope everything turns out for you. I look forward to your response.

Onclou9 · 01-05-2007, 09:14 AM

Well, I read what the teacher wrote and indicated on the forms from my son's pediatrician last night. We also filled out our versions. The two forms were pretty close with us being harder on some and easier on others. Some questions were tailored more towards school so we couldn't answer them.

So there is a problem but I do NOT know what it is. The teacher indicated and we totally agree that if he would just finish his work, he would have good grades. If she sends home a packet with 8 pages in it, you can see where he got 100's on the first few pages but the back few have 60's or worse. Like he just gives out of attention span.

As far as his conduct goes, many of his problems stem from his peanut allergy. He is allergic but only hives thus far. However, next time if could be full scale inability to breathe or even death, this the nature of the allergy. He is especially sensitive during recess which is right after lunch because he worries someone will touch him...having eaten peanut butter. So some of the behavior problems are because of the peanut allergy. He is almost like OCD because of it but it isn't true OCD because it is a real possibility carried to an extreme. But at the same time, this ***** of a teacher is just an uncaring, unmotivating slob of a human being. We got a mutliclass grade report two days ago and I emailed her about it because it had a grade for conduct and a grade for something (it was unidentified). When I emailed her, she had no idea of what it was. Disorganized, discheveled, horrible teacher. I mean the worst of the worst.

I just don't know what to do. My wife called the school today to see about testing for a learning disability and they acted like they didn't know what she was talking about. We moved to be in this school and it has gone to HELL.

Anyway, something is broken. I want my boy back, someone I can do things with. Right now, doing anything like fishing or hunting that requires a sustained amount of time is impossible. Even playing ball ends up in a shouting match if he misses too many pitches or I pitch badly....Phil Neikro I am not.

So, I dunno. I am phsically exhausted from not sleeping well because of this. I am emotionally drained from the disappointment of the situation. I am spiritually drained. I am 36 years old and I am ready to just sit down somewhere and QUIT!

Cal

all5balts · 01-05-2007, 10:32 AM

When I talked to my doctor about getting him tested for learning disabilities, she told me that they were NOT going to want to do the testing. You have to push for it and don't let them tell you that they don't see it neccessary. Put it in writing that you want him tested and sign it and give it to the school....They have to test him after that and within 30 or 60 days. The schools don't want to do it because it's their time and their cost.

It seems his teacher needs to work with him some. Like send home the packet but give him extra time or if he is doing his homework and after about 5 or 10 problems, you see that he is getting it and knows what he is doing, have him stop. No need to fight it if he knows what he is doing.

After a long meeting with my husband and I, the teacher, principle, school psychologist, and the resource teacher, the principle told us to not make him sit there for hours on end just to finish his work. I mean come on, the kid goes to school for 6 hours and then has to come home and work for another 3hours just to wrap it up??? I am not ok with that. So anyways, when our son is just at the end of his rope and this happens a lot, we initial what he didn't get done and send it with him to school.

At first when this all started, I stressed, yelled, spanked, time out, grounded, and so on. I just would get so angry with him...but, it's not his fault. I still get upset sometimes but I try...I try to keep my temper in check. And I certainly know what you mean about playing with him. My son is a sore loser. It isn't even fun to play with him at times because if he doesn't win, it's over....if we are playing catch and he misses it, he gets mad and doesn't even want to play anymore.

As for medications, let the doctor give him a RX if she wants to. It was like a miracle when my son first started taking it. I was amazed. You might be too.

How far apart in age is your son and daughter? My daughter is 7 but I have another daughter who is 2. He loves his baby sister but fights almost constantly with his 7 year old sister.

Good Luck and don't give up.

Stacy

Onclou9 · 01-05-2007, 11:35 AM

Thanks alls...

So far, we are working with the school, teacher, and counselor in the school. The teacher has done things like giving him time to finish the work...say during other studies or recess and states that he sometimes just refuses. He does this at home when he is overwhelmed with something. His teacher also instituted a program where he gets to go read to his Kindergarden teacher's class if he is good. So she isn't all bad.

He has broken down in sobs before when we were getting on him about school and his conduct and just sobbed about 'how he can't take the pressure'. He also said things like he wishes he was never born or would die. That is hard to hear as a parent. We tried ratcheting down the pressure but nothing works long term.

So there is a problem somewhere. I just don't know where and what.

He really seems to be trying because he is so proud when he comes home and doesn't have any checks for bad behavior. But it is like when he sets his mind to something, then that is just THAT.

Thanks for the information on the school and having to push. My wife was specifically asking about testing to look for a learning disability and the counselor acted all confused as if no one had ever asked for that before.

Our son is 8 and our daughter will be 4 in March. Between him and her is typical sibling stuff. She is a very affectionate child and likes to express it by holding onto and rubbing your ears...I know weird but it is what Ronald Reagan used to do so maybe there is some destiny there!

He hates it and she stalks him like a hunter and just won't stop...if he had any sense of humor at all it would be funny but usually ends up in yelling.

Well, I just dunno about all this. I am thinking when we see his pediatrician next week sometime that I will ask for a trial of Strattera. My friends son takes that and his school behavior problems and bad grades STOPPED. He is now on the honor roll. I resisted as long as I can but his first grade teacher allluded to all of this and now his second grade teacher is about ready to give up on him. We will see.

Well, the old saying about raining and pouring is true. On top of all of this, my company is being bought out and I have to go through that mess. I need Calgon...no wait a 6'3" blonde Swede named Helga to take me away.

OC9