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Old 03-15-2007, 08:56 AM   #1
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Exclamation Husband has ADHD please help

I have been married less then 2 years and my marriage is fallng apart. He fell at work almost 7 months ago. We have been together 24/7 most of the time. He has been loving, hateful (from blaming me for everything that he thinks is wrong in his life), depressed (to the point of not being able to get out of bed). He's very selfish. Only his needs are important. His theraphist has told me his case of ADHD if quite extreme. We just getted couples therapy.

I think if I don't get a better handle on this our marriage will be history. So if there is anyone out there that is or has gone through this with a spouse please help.

A very sad newly wed

 
Old 03-16-2007, 10:37 AM   #2
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Re: Husband has ADHD please help

Welcome and I'm sorry to hear your story. Your husband needs help and is gonna have to face up to it. My ADD issues have damn nearly destroyed my marriage but I've slowly started turning things around. He needs to speak to his doctor about the ADD stuff and possibly adding in an antidepressant. Depression and ADD are commonly found together and if not controlled one will just fuel the other and make things worse. Worse case scenario is your marriage will end but his life will continue to take a downward spiral.
If he can get treatment, along with therapy you should (and he should also) see a fairly miraclous turnaround.

Good Luck!
J

 
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Old 03-16-2007, 03:59 PM   #3
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Smile Re: Husband has ADHD please help

Thank you for repling to me. We both are in therapy, however he hasn't checked on his medications for 12 years. I tried to explain that sometimes medications need to been changed or increased due to changes in your life or if the ADD has gotten worse. There are so many things that could happen. He won't talk to me about any of this stuff.

Thanks again
Robin

 
Old 03-16-2007, 08:42 PM   #4
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Re: Husband has ADHD please help

Are his mood cyclical, does he alternate from depression to an upper, hype type mood, not needing as much sleep, starting many projects, being able to work for as long time, and maybe spending too much. The reason I ask is that there is an overlap between AAHD and being BiPolar. Your mention of depression brings up one half of the equation, manic behavior being the other half along with a cyclical pattern.

One of the problems with antidepressant is that they often take several weeks for them to start working. The brain resists the change the pills want to make, then accepts the new neurotransmitter levels and the depression starts to lift. That is, if the pills work at all. not all people react well to antidepressants.

Also, are you able to accept the fact that your husband most likely has a biological problem, would it make a difference if he had MS, for instance. If so, then you probably should educate yourself to the biological nature of your husband's problem. His problem might affect his behavior, but both still have the same biological basis as the root of the disease. And while behavior often seems intentional and willful, it is not always so, especially when these diseases come into play.

Does his family have any history of these types of depression and ADDHD behavior. If so, your husband might be in need of serious medical, psychiatric attention, and, if so, counseling won't help him.

 
Old 03-17-2007, 06:08 AM   #5
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Smile Re: Husband has ADHD please help

Yes, My husband was diagnosis 12 years ago with ADD and Depression. Yes he has severe up and downs. He has a hard time sleeping. He can work for hours. He's a car salesmen. He fell 7 months ago and was in a wheel chair for months, then a walker, now a cane. He can't seem to finish what it starts. When he does get going he doesn't seem to stop. I was the only one taking care of him these last months. He has been very verbally abusive. He is in therapy, we both are for that matter. Last week we started couple therapy. I have been so depressed about getting into a situation like this at the age of 53, I have to admit I've done a get deal of crying myself. But last week when we saw the therapist I realized I have to learn more about this. I can't excuse his behavior, maybe I can help myself live with it a little better.

I also think my husband might need to be revalulated (sp?) He takes Rititlan, Dapkota, Prozac, and Wellbutin. I take effexor and wellbutin and Lorazepam. I just starting taking Lorazepam and sleeping pills. I feel as if we are getting deeper into trouble.

thanks, Robin

 
Old 03-17-2007, 11:35 AM   #6
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Re: Husband has ADHD please help

Hello,

You might want to pop over to the bipolar board. At the top before the threads begin, there is a "sticky" with the symptoms of bipolar disorder. You might want to look through them to see if it sounds familiar. Bipolar was formerly called manic-depression. People equate mania with euphoria, but in reality, in many forms of bipolar, the mania or hypomania presents as anger, agitation, irritability...etc.

Many people are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD when in fact they are bipolar. Many bipolars suffer mostly from depression and there are mixed episodes where they are depressed, but also agitated, can't sleep, and symptoms like that. Often before it is known they are bipolar, they are given depressants which can tip them over into a mania if they are not on a mood stabilizing med. If you think there is any chance of this diagnosis being a possibility, you might want to read up on the various websites, the National Institute of Mental Health has a particularly useful one, and then mention it to your therapist.

It would be a shame to have all this frustration over what is a wrong diagnosis.

Hope things improve for you soon.
Tsohl

 
Old 03-17-2007, 11:49 AM   #7
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Re: Husband has ADHD please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by COPDAlpha1 View Post
Yes, My husband was diagnosis 12 years ago with ADD and Depression. Yes he has severe up and downs. He has a hard time sleeping. He can work for hours. He's a car salesmen. He fell 7 months ago and was in a wheel chair for months, then a walker, now a cane. He can't seem to finish what it starts. When he does get going he doesn't seem to stop. I was the only one taking care of him these last months. He has been very verbally abusive. He is in therapy, we both are for that matter. Last week we started couple therapy. I have been so depressed about getting into a situation like this at the age of 53, I have to admit I've done a get deal of crying myself. But last week when we saw the therapist I realized I have to learn more about this. I can't excuse his behavior, maybe I can help myself live with it a little better.

I also think my husband might need to be revalulated (sp?) He takes Rititlan, Dapkota, Prozac, and Wellbutin. I take effexor and wellbutin and Lorazepam. I just starting taking Lorazepam and sleeping pills. I feel as if we are getting deeper into trouble.

thanks, Robin
It does sound like your husband is bipolar or both he needs a good bipolar med.Depakote did not work for me eitier.They found out I was bipolar,adhd,and ocd.I take abilify for bipolar,thats one of the meds you dont gain weight.And you should look up ocd as well.I hope he gets the help he needs its not good for the person that is going through it and also the people around them.So good luck.By the way maybe the ritalin isnt working eithier maybe he needs another adhd medicine as well.I heard ritalin dont work for alot of people including myself.I take adderal xr thats a extended relief also.

Last edited by georginia; 03-17-2007 at 11:57 AM.

 
Old 03-17-2007, 12:38 PM   #8
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Re: Husband has ADHD please help

Let me start by saying I distrust therapists. My experience with them has been very disappointing. Mostly, I have mainly dealt with public psychiatrists, who deal almost exclusively with major mental illnesses. Your description of your husband sounded to me as if you were describing someone with a mild case of bipolar disorder. And your last post tends to reinforce that opinion. Bipolar disorder is a major mental illness, and needs to be carefully evaluated and treated. You might want to contact the public health outlet in your community, and find out if they are willing to evaluate your husband. If nothing comes of it, then you at least have the reassurance that nothing major is the trouble.
I realize that people with ADD feel seriously about what they have, I have ADD too, but compared to Bipolar disorder ADD isn't much of an affliction.
Both ADD and Bipolar are treatable. What you want to avoid is treating one, but having the other.
Depression is also a very serious biologically based mental disorder, and there are many treatments for it. So, if your husband has depression, you should still contact public health, get the advise from a major mental illness treatment center about who to see, the name of a psychiatrist to evaluate your husband.
A therapist might be able to help your husband, but they do not have the medical background to deal with biologically based illness like depression or bipolar. Psychiatrists are mds first, then trained in psychiatry. Therapists have all sorts of different types of training usually heavily based in psychology, an academic study, or some sort of social work, or in educational testing.

 
Old 03-18-2007, 05:17 AM   #9
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Smile Re: Husband has ADHD please help

Michael,

Thank you so much for writing back to me about our (my husband and my) situation.

I printed all that has been written back to me and read it to my husband. At first I was very nervous. He has never talked to me about his condition. I decided I had to take the chance and let me know how important all of what is happening is very important to me. He took what I read to and what I had to say and processed it like he always does, finally he said to me he thinks he should be evaluated again. At least I now know this marriage is important to him. He just never thought about his illness to the extent I have.

I am going to take your suggestion and research the public health community. Hopefully I will be able to find a doctor who can help us. He is pretty sure he is ADD/bipolar, however instead of saying he is bipolar, his doctors called it depression.

I pray this will work
Robin

 
Old 03-18-2007, 06:32 AM   #10
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Re: Husband has ADHD please help

[removed]
NAMI (the national Alliance on Mental Illness) is a wonderful resource for referrals, educational programs and support. It is a great place to start if you don't know where to turn to find professionl help.

The combination of depression and ADD/ADHD are often diagnosed individually when the individual is indeed bipolar. Today psychiatrists are much better at recognizing that these symptoms are also common in bipolarity. There are now 6 classifications for bipolar disorder...including "soft bipolar" which, as the name indicates, isn't nearly as severe as what we think of as a classic manic depression. If this were to be the diagnosis for your husband, it is entirely possible that the prescription of one or more mood stabilizers taken together could alleviate all his symptoms and lead to stability.

Also, in twelve years there have been many new drugs that are now used in treatment that work more effectively with fewer side effects. So please find a qualified psychiatrist and have your husband evaluated. Then you'll know what you're dealing with, one way or the other!

Good luck to both of you.
Tsohl

Last edited by mod-anon; 03-19-2007 at 02:14 AM. Reason: do not instruct members on how to find websites.

 
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