I honestly do not like people to know that I take medication. I think people will think less of me, its actually kind of embarrasing.
Ive been taking anti depressants sinse I was 19, and ADD medicine sinse I was 22, Im 24 now. I feel so ashamed about taking these medications, I have actually tried to quit the anti depressants just because its like I have skeletons in my closet. That resulted in a disaster, I quit for about 2 months and felt life was passing me by, my business was starting to slip, relationships were slipping, I was forced to get back on.
I am a totally different person whenever I dont take my medication. I hate having to take pills everyday! Its like I feel so trapped, if i dont take my medications I am a nobody, and if i take my medications I have a world of opportunity.
To make things worse, what about when I have children???? I am so scared that I will pass this on to my children! I dont want them to experience a life of dependence to feel normal. This is the biggest skeleton in my closet.
I don't have the experience that you have with taking medications, but upon being prescribed to my first medication in regards to mental health today for ADD, I started to feel quite anxious about it. All the unknown factors and what ifs. It has since passed me for the most part for now, but once again, I have not started to take my medication yet and will start tomorrow. I am going to try the medication route now, and meanwhile, do much reading in regards to other related problems including anxiety and depression ("Th Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns), how to get the most out of my doctor, and natural alternatives to ADD. I would try some cognitive behavioral therapy if I were you. It is essentially a fancy word for controlling your thoughts to help stabilize your moods, and that combined with medication has been proven to be effective, but I've also read that CBT is just as effective, even more effective for some, than medication in treating depression.
Also, I would also do a lot more reading on your condtion. I'm talking some serious reading. Do reading on both sides. Why should you possibly feel "ashamed" for taking medications? Are there undesired side effects? Are there side effects that you believe are the cause of medication, but you are not totally sure? Are there long-term concerns? Is there a way to help lessen any known side effects that you may have now? Can the medication actually make you worse if you are off of them? These should all be considered
Why should you not feel ashamed for taking such medications? Is there hard evidence that shows that certain people really could use such medication and that it does not really harm them in the long run and that the benefits are greater than the cost?
Lastly, I would also explore some natural routes. There is a book I found when browsing on the computer through my school's library on natural alternatives for ADD a few months ago. I have yet to find that book again.
As far as depression goes, since that seems to be one of your main concerns, if not thee main concern, I can't really speak from experience of deep, deep depression that severely impedes onto my life. I experience moderate depression from time to time, so I'm not going to pretend that I know you, but if you would like to share more, then go right ahead. I'd look into more natural routes for both problems though if taking medications are in effect, making you feel ashamed, like you are some sort of...I don't want to say "drug addict", but if you feel you are psychologically dependent upon them, which is better than being physically dependent, but still not desirable, I can understand your concerns.
There are also lots of different therapies out there, and different ways to cope with depression other than just medication and visits to one psychologost, therapist, psychiatrist, or what have you. I should put my money where my mouth is, and try some of them out in form of perhaps art therapy. From what I've read, art therapy can be in form of say group therapy with art attached to it, or it can just be one on one. It doesn't have to simply be you sitting there with a paint brush either, making squiggly little lines. Art is beatiful because really anything can be considered art. You don't have to be an astute fine artist.
I hope I was at least of some help with my limited experience.
Last edited by DJBucs2005; 04-25-2007 at 06:35 PM.
I understand that you feel ashamed .It is normal. But really, you should start focussing your therapy on reframing your feelings about yourself. You should feel LUCKY that you have found help. You should feel lucky that you are one of the people is this world that has found help and hope and can function on med and have a happy and productive life. Think about all the people out there for whom meds DON'T work, or people that within hours OFF Meds can't function AT ALL, and are out on the street with severe mental disturbance.
You are looking for answers, but the true answers lie within you and lie within what YOU need to do to work on your own feelings about who you are. We all have our issues, and your are very very real. I am not belittling them at all. This is your life. But at the same time, focus on the good and how lucky you are to have found help.
Stop blaming yourself. There is nothing you did to make yourself have to be on meds. This is who you are. There are plenty of miserable people out there that should be on meds that aren't. It is nothing to be ashamed of. But you can't help feeling how you do. It is no one's business that you are on meds either.
As far as your future children - there are plenty of cases of parents with depression/ADHD having kids without and visa versa. You know what will be so great when you DO have kids, you will be that much more knowledgable about how to intervene. You will know that much more about helping them and being an advocate for them. Think of it that way.