rheanna

tina35,

At her age, fitting in with the other kids is very important, and she's all too aware that she's too chaotic to fit in. Feeling like there's no place for you leads to anger and depression -- it certainly did when I was a kid.

I would like to suggest something that I wish had happened when I was a kid. Perhaps you could spend some time thinking of what there is about her that is positive, and show her how these positive traits make her an addition to the world, and concentrate on helping her to find a way to channel her uniqueness into something that she can feel proud of. This, of course, will be a long-term thing, as it takes a long time to learn to like yourself when all you have noticed up to now is that you can't make friends and you can't concentrate on schoolwork and you have no idea what your talents are.

Is there anything that she has a talent for? You might need to provide some structure to make sure that she is able to stick with lessons and regularly attend groups or lessons. If she can stick with something long enough to turn that talent (what she finds easy to do) into a skill (what she has learned the skills to do well), then that will go a long way to showing her in real life that she is actually good at something. Having parents tell her that she is loved is important of course, but she also needs to see that she has someplace in real life that she can feel she is contributing to.

When I was a kid (with inattentive ADD) I showed a talent for art. I never got to study in a class or with an art instructor. I never got to pursue turning my inborn talent into a skill. I was too filled with anger and depression because I looked around me and saw all those other kids who were successes and seemed to find doing things easy, while I couldn't seem to do anything right. I really wish that someone had put me into art lessons and guided me to feel that I could be a success at something, so that I could see in real life that I was a functioning person in at least one area of my life.

No, your daughter isn't the only one!

Ask her what she would like to take lessons in. It can be a sport, or learning more about math, or taking knitting/crocheting/embroidery lessons, or spending time working with the animals at the animal shelter. What is her interest or passion? Once she has started in some direction, it will be up to you to see that she continues, because it's so easy for a person with ADD to find excuses not to do things (ahem!, as she - meaning me! - sits here typing on her keyboard instead of working on the projects that she knows she loves and has talent in -ahem!). But if your daughter can feel successful at something, then that will go a long way towards easing her anger and depression.

You're a good mom for asking -- I hope that you get some suggestions here that will help.

--Rheanna