Parent of a 15 year old with ADD. Need advice. - ADD / ADHD Message Board

Maxwell22 · 02-13-2008, 10:15 PM

Recently my 15 year old son was diagnosed with ADD. He does not believe he has this condition but shows classic symptoms. We are gradually trying to get him to accept this and rise to the challenges he will be faced with. He believes we are unfairly pressuring him to be responsible and trying to completely manage his life. He believes his symptoms and our concerns are more about him being a teenager. He thinks, we as parents, are too strict.

His mother and I are developing strategies for coping and attempting to get him to accept this situation and work on integrated solutions. He has progressively gotten more disrespectful/recentful and plays an online video game excessively. We are restricting his game play and he is very angry about this. My concern is that if we make a radical change and take away his game plan during school nights and greatly restrict it on weekends he may rebell to the point of failing at school, falling into the wrong crowd, with drawing from sports and the like. By trying to get back at his parents, he may find himself in a worse situation.

I am concerned that his reaction could send him and us into a tail spin. I am tentative about a drastic change, but know and am committed to making a serious and needed changes. I know what needs to happen but am at a loss to know how to move forward in a solid and committed way.

Need help.

Sincerely, Maxwell

jsph110 · 02-13-2008, 11:26 PM

add's medications (amphetamines) were like drugs to me. i wouldn't want my son to do the same thing just because a doctor said he has it. add is a blessing as it comes with creativity. also he may be playing the game excessively coz his mind needs to be doing something. sports are a good thing. don't fight with him, seek to understand him first and then he will listen to you as stephen R. covey says. children come into our lives to teach us patience.

Maxwell22 · 02-14-2008, 11:05 PM

HI... I agree and will make every effort to seek to understand. I am planning to take the game away indefinately, and allow my son to gradually earn it back with appropriate behavior.

Thoughts?

janewhite1 · 02-15-2008, 07:59 PM

He's 15. If he doesn't complain you're too strict at least sometimes, you aren't doing your job as a parent.

If you think he's spending too much time on the video game, then limiting it is quite reasonable. When he's not playing, how is his schoolwork and socialization? Is he at least getting by?

As far as meds go, it sounds like he would be strongly opposed, and he's old enough that his opinion does matter. If he doesn't want 'em, forcing him would probably be counterproductive.

What most newly diagnosed ADD teens or adults need is to learn to be organized, learn some sort of system to keep their lives in order. Someone has to teach him--but I don't think it can be his parents, that generally goes poorly even when you don't already have a power struggle going on. Can you possibly get a neutral party involved in helping him.

Maxwell22 · 02-16-2008, 10:09 PM

Good points. We are going are to set more clear limits and expections on the game play, other behavior, and expections as school, home etc... we have some ideas on how to do this. Any other thoughts.

We also are going to arrange for a therapist and additional/focus support from his older siblings who are very organized. In addition, other family members are being evaluated as there is some ADD in the family history (we are learning). We would appreciate any and all ideas.

Thanks... MAXWELL