So I finally found myself a new job. I'm working in a warehouse, a job for which I am eminently qualified, but ultimately one that I wouldn't want to do the rest of my life. The pay is great, there's lots of overtime available, and I'm doing something that's comfortable. Nice short term job. Problem is it feels too irrelevant to consider doing for the rest of my life, even in a management role (what was it I heard Bob say about ADDers not willing to 'settle' for a job they feel is beneath them?).
Anyway . . . my job as an appliance picker is to drive a modified forklift that has clamps for picking appliances, then staging them at the docks for loading. Naturally, there's a certain number of appliances you're supposed to pick every day, and as with any job that counts the amount of work you're doing, I'm very stressed that I won't make the grade, because I've always worked slower than most people; not because I don't try, just because it takes me longer to read/process/react that most.
Which brings me to the title line of my post. What a difference a day makes! Overall, I've been overachieving, thanks to my general warehouse experience and knowledge of the equipment, but as of yet, I'm still well short of the daily goal. Not a problem, they tell me, it takes time . . . funny, it seems that the only one worried about it is me!!
Classic Dennis. I don't know if you could call it classic ADD (maybe you can), but it is classic Dennis. I start obsessing about the numbers, pushing hard, trying to go faster and faster, which leads to frustration, and with the frustration comes confusion. When I get frustrated, I start to have trouble with the controls of my squeeze truck, and as such start to do stupid things. In my rush, and therefore my frustration and confusion I dropped two appliances yesterday. One wasn't damaged, the other was. I ended up so obsessed about the numbers, I started to manifest physical symptoms of stress. Not good, and not the way I wanted to spend my summer.
So today I went there with a new attitude . . . relax, don't stress, don't worry about the numbers. If the numbers aren't there, I can always find work elsewhere in the warehouse, or outside it. I had a much better day. No confusion, I handled my truck like a zen master, enjoyed myself, and did more today than I did yesterday. I'm feeling like a million bucks now, just because I've become so much more self aware thanks to the journey I've been on the last 9 or so months.
It's funny. In the past, I wouldn't have recognized my obsession for being as pointless as it is, and I wouldn't have been able to rise above it; funny how little insights can make a huge difference.
On a side note, sorry about the disappearing act, they've been working me like a dog.