I primarily posted this for your benefit which means my benefit. This ADHD planning thing has been difficult for me to master. It works like crazy but I'm crazy and I forget what works like crazy unless I keep reminding myself. On the level
my case, the meds weren't cutting it until I got the Rheanna Solution
. On the other hand, the meds enabled me to get the Rheanna Solution. Read on:
I never expected to post this "conscious stream" you are hopefully about to read. See preamble for my reasons.
"Writing-it-out-problem-solving" is the singular most important non-med ADHD remediation trick I've learned. Rheanna is mostly responsible for this being in my ADHD fixit cache. After my Rheanna read, I read same in at least two books by licensed psychologists. I always figured they get their stuff off this board from us players. Where are our royalties and credits
I decided to post what was to be private because it is real life problem that I am trying to solve with a real life strategy. Works even if you are normal. Trouble is, I'm not normal and I find it difficult to understand abstractions and even harder to explain them without a concrete example.
And I really do need your help. I'm stuck. Not the least reason why this post.
My problem is "chronic fatigue" but not of the "syndrome" type. This type comes from burning the candle at both ends or like I was 25 years old. Better than double that now. Yikes.
I've noticed in the past ten years or so that I have less energy than what a 40-50 yo should have. Is it from onset geezerhood or from a virus? See point 2 and 4 below. Additional factor is that I've never had to work so hard just to make meat end. Too much unavoidable work, I think is primary cause with getting older running a close second.
Financial factors and shot at those loan sharks (point 2) follows.
1. I found out about 4 years back that I have Hepatitis C. The cure, "Interferon," damn near killed us financially. Ran up a $100,000 home equity loan and then ran up a credit card over limit. I had medical insurance but no loss of employment insurance. It's a lesson on how fast unemployment mounts bills. I went over my credit card limit by four thousand at which point Back of America finally pulled the plug. Shortly after the over-run I got employed (again) and we paid down the four thou overage. But now according to Bank of American I am a poor risk even though wife never paid any bills late much less in default. Bank of American set my interest rate at 25% and Bank of America refused to lower it in spite of my supplications. Did I mention they raised my credit limit after I paid the overage and the overage fees? Give a poor risk more credit? But not lower rates consistent with pay-on-time performance? Bums. For the past six months, I haven't put so much as one item on that card or any other CC. Now I got the dough to pay the bums off. They are history. Ok, we have a little less stress which can mean a little less fatigue.
2. Wife got home equity loan down to $98,000. It was $99,999.99. The equity loan rates dropped recently. The interest is about half now - but for the time being only. It is not a fixed rate but one of those variable rate loans. Ok, I'm an idiot. But I can refinance with a fixed rate. Hey, my chance to de-idiotise me. You should try getting a loan or loan increase when unemployed. You can't borrow money when you need it only when you don't need it. I heard that somewhere and it is true.
3. I'm getting to be a very old fart - pushing 57 yo. In my younger years a few bills didn't worry me. Since when bills bother the ADHD? Now they do. That's cause I don't have that many years left to pay them off and I'm "managed."
4. Retirement fund? I never could figure out if a 409K was a bank account or a cleanser. Our retirement fund is our properties. I figured real estate values would always go up. Wrong again. And now I got a $98,000 lean on our retirement fund to boot. Dang.
I am not editing out the above very personal figures because you (at least most of you) don't know the masked man behind ADDProgrammer and pulling the figs. would pull the real life feel and detract from an otherwise good example.
Back to the problem at hand:
I can't keep the pace. I got ADHD and I'm fatigued and that makes me more ADHD. Let's clear the board and confess that I tried a little extra Ritalin and Adderall. Both worked. Both kept me up all night. All my gains were lost the next day when I was more fatigued and less productive. I DID
know enough not to up the ante. So I quit that naughtiness. Well, I got me a really bright idea a couple days back Ephedra. I was up all last night (literally). Ephedra is history. Caffeine? Doesn't work well enough. Lesson learned: ADHD meds are for ADHD not fatigue. And not for getting high either. The latter I knew. The former I just learned the hard way. Same way I learned the latter. Explains the hep C. Ephedra is similar to Adderall. Don't mix them. No good. Same effect as an ill-advised Adderall bump up.
Incidentally, my current med as of a month ago is 40mg Adderall IR. I've been back and forth between the Rit and the Adderall. Frankly, the Adderall is a little too much for me. I did better (up till 4 or 5 PM) on 60 mg of methylin 10mg 6x/day. JaneWhite correctly stated that Ritalin burns fast. I couldn't make it to day's end with Rit. Adderall burns slower but has more of an upfront buzz. I take it 10mg 4x/day. I want no ADHD and no buzz. Fatigue? Lasts longer? I'll put up with the buzz. 40 mg I sleep. 50 iffy. 60 absolutely not. Don't do stupid stuff that I do. I'll tell you, though, honest and true, money problems make for stupid moves.
Work less? See point 4. Work less because I have no choice? Talk to my wife. I discussed the problem with her and she doesn't know what to do. She is a beautiful woman but is quickly turning into a fartett a female old fart. Doesn't have too many working years left either.
The good things: less debt now. The bad things: not good enough good things. Besides switching jobs ain't so easy any more. Current job pays good dough. Where can I find less work for same money? No, better yet, less work, more money
I can't. Trust me. I can't. I am not opposed to retooling (new skills) but that cost money and time. Tell you what? That option needs further investigating. Don't trust me. Maybe I can find something computer related and avoid a complete skillset overhaul.
The medical factor: What can I do to increase stamina and/or increase focus when tired which is virtually always?
Let me tell you what I've done for real and for fake: Exercise
: For real Diet
: Mostly for fake. Too many good tasting evil things out there. I do, however, focus on proteins and veggies. Another fess up: I consume tons of ice cream, chocolate and pasta and what's a hamburger without the roll? And not from McDonald's? And without fries? Forgetaboutit. Unless you got a no pain improvement plan you can share
_ <- put it in that space. How about a just a little pain improvement? This space __________. Just kidding. Tell me about it. Supplements
: Wife gives me two or three hundred pills every AM. Don't ask what are they because I don't know other than "all natural pills." Actually, my Ephedra is (was) Ma Hung. That's natural. Come to think of it, so are cocoa leaves and opium poppies. But that is different "all natural." That's "evil all natural." "All natural" slays me. Quit boozing
: For real. I've had a love/hate relationship with booze all my ADHD life which is all my life. I decided to just hate it permanently. Yep, more energy. But not enough. Pizza and soda? Oh, man, small price I suppose for better health. Alcohol is from grain damn, "all natural." Why didn't someone tell me it's health food before I quit.
Let's summarize findings:
1. Less debt next month. Might experience less fatigue. Stress can fatigue me right proper.
2. Refinance home equity loan to fixed rate
3. Another job in related industry that pays mega bucks yet employer doesn't expect much from me. Something tells me it ain't happening. The more the pay, the more the damands, the more the bossman expects from me. I don't think that's changed sinced I got "managed." I'll look around just in case.
4. I do wonder if my copious quantities of sugary things are a factor. I should try less. Why not just shoot myself. Less work dead. Easier than giving up my goodies.
5. Don't shoot self in foot by ODing pills. Besides if the good doc found out, he'd freak. He is a good doctor. He told me "don't do that." I sez to self, "the bozo has no bills." Turns out, I'm the bozo. I wasn't trying to get high, just trying to stay awake. Waz wrong with tat? Plenty.
Lessons for you, if interested:
1. I didn't get my answer. But brain is primed. The answer will come. What if the answer is "continue working like a stinking dog?" I don't like that answer. I want an "all natural" answer.
2. The reason "conscious-flow-in-writing" works for us is because we can't keep conscious thought moving toward where we want to go. No one can get anywhere without keeping "where" in mind long enough to get there. I purposely did not edit out my ramblings because I can't write without rambling. Best I can do is edit later. The paper or monitor persists the meaningful thoughts. I think it important that "conscious flow" be just that. Otherwise, in my case at least, I end up with a jammed brain. Nothing to edit. Got no where. Worse than rambling. My boss begged me, "please, Bob, please, a binary answer." That's geek for yes or no. I said "zero." That's geek for NO. Actually, in a way I can do binary. Convert (edit) from multidirectional thought patterns into unidirectional. If no get that, worry not. It means we have scrambled brains.
3. Something I had to understand to make goal planning work for me is that the plan never works. No plan is possible without constants. A plan is about the future. The future has no constants other than death and taxes. I don't like either.
3a. A very simple example from my recent past. I wrote out how I was going to replace the alternator in my car. I read relevant chapter in repair book. Listed tools needed. Searched basement for tools and put in out box. I was ready to go. It rained on the set-aside day. I haven't done much mechanical work past few years. I had to take half the car apart to get at the alternator. (I didn't believe book). An hour long job (what it took ~1970) took parts of three days. It's done. I know me. If no written alternator replace plan, the car would have been towed to a brain surgeon. (no typo). Brain surgeons get the mega bucks. I want to earn mega bucks not spend them.
4. Before I got "managed" I use to think all this writing a big waste of time. I could have the job done in less time than it takes writing about it. True, if not ADHD. But am what I am. ADHD as hell.
Incidently, I do have a garage but nothing can fit in it at least nothing the size of an car. And I do have a place for my tools but they aren't in that place yet. Isn't it funny how our environment reflects brain state? Two more goal plans in the making.