relationship with add and ocd person - ADD / ADHD Message Board

jeri67 · 09-16-2008, 01:08 PM

I have started dating man that has told me he is add and ocd, he is 40 and has a nice career and seems to have it all together I really like him alot. I have known him for about 5 years now we are the same age and we get along well. We have been seeing each other for about 10 months. Knowning this has not change my feelings about him. I do feel nervous and uncomfortable at times because I am afraid I might do something at his house or any where we are at that really bothers him, so far he always been very nice and will just lay my purse shoes or jacket in the place he desires, as to me I can leave my items on the arm of the sofa or kitchen table. I guess the real question is... what tips can you give me for a future relationship with someone with add and ocd can it be everlasting?, what to expect?

lucylucy · 09-21-2008, 10:23 PM

Well at least you already know what his issues are. We all have to make adjustments for one another. All the people I know with ADD are quite messy and would drive a neat person crazy. So it sounds like the OCD is a bigger issue for him. You might learn a lot from reading about the condition, but each person is different. In some, it's barely noticeable, and in others it's totally dibilitating.

Think honestly about what you want from the relationship for the long term, and have a few really honest discussions about how you each want to live your lives. He might need to move slowly in the relationship to avoid feeling overwhelmed, but you need to know if there is a chance of future happiness together. (For instance, if you want to have kids, you can't afford to wait around. You need to know now if he wants to be a father and is up to the job.)

Ask hypothetical or general questions about he wants out of life, and dig deeper to find out how he wants to live his life - and what he doesn't want, or can't handle.

If you don't know enough after 10 months of dating, I think you need to increase the amount of time you spend together in different situations. Sleep-overs, overnight trips or longer vacations are the usual tests of whether a couple is likely to get along while living together. You need to spend time in each other's homes to learn about your idiosyncracies.

LL37 · 03-27-2009, 12:31 AM

I sense from your description so far, it's only his OCD that's comming out. It's more of an attention span thing when the ADD becomes more apparent, he won't be deliberately tuning you out when you try to say something, he will likely have trouble being over focused on what he is trying to do and needs some cues to get out of that, as in .....honey, over here, honey (repeated attempts to get his attention) before you try to say what you need to say.