ADD vs. being lazy - ADD / ADHD Message Board

SkeochGirl · 09-30-2008, 10:51 AM

My intent is not to offend anyone, but with my 13 year old, this question begs to be asked...is he being lazy and defiant, or does he really have a problem?

Short background:

He was an easy going baby, slept through the night, did not cry excessively, no stranger fears, etc. As a toddler, he would not sit still, didn't care to play with toys, the television didn't interest him all that much. Once he entered school, a trend that continues to this day is he is unable to control his talking and keeping his hands to himself. He never hit anyone, just likes to touch...pats on the back and such. The teachers would tell me he isn't that bad, yet would constantly comment at progress report/report card time. I eventually homeschooled him for a few years before placing him back in school as an 8th grader this year.

This year has been a nightmare. He isn't completing his classwork or homework, folders that are graded are incomplete. One of the teachers reported that the talking is excessive but none of the others feel it is not that big of a deal. However, his test grades are typically all A's. He took the ACTs in the 7th grade and scored above the national average of seniors taking the exam. With that said, he is learning something along the way, but his grades aren't reflecting that because of incomplete homework and classwork. At home, he is constantly yelling how bored he is. If playing video games he is constantly switching them, on his computer he has usually ten different websites running. He isn't interested in sports, doesn't want a hobby such as music, he doesn't want to read, but yet he doesn't know what he wants to do and expects his father and I to somehow entertain him.

I have read about ADD, and he fits the profile, but so do a lot of kids who are his age that aren't ADD. He is already diabetic (type1) which complicates some of his mood swings, but no matter how hard we try to get him to focus, or to get him organized it is like a kick in the head. His father and I are very proactive in trying to help him, trying to get him involved in things, but it fails.

Do I possibly have an ADD child, or just a difficult one? And how do you tell the difference?

lucylucy · 10-01-2008, 03:23 AM

This sounds so familiar. Talking and touching - constantly. It was a big problem for my son as well. It sure does sound like ADD or a closely related disorder. You should take him to an Educational Psychologist for a thorough evaluation. There are many different tests they can give him to measure different skills and issues. You'll also need an individualized education plan for him. The school psychologist may be able to help, or at least refer you to a specialist.

Also get a class or some sessions for you and your spouse. You need to learn some good behavior modification techniques, and consistently stick with them. We took a class specifically for parents of ADD kids (as part of the camp program) and it was amazing. It was great support just talking to other parents. If both parents take the same class and agree on the techniques, it helps a lot (for your relationship too).

Don't wait any longer. This year is really critical. Once they get to high school, it's harder for a parent to exert much control. Not that you shouldn't try really hard, but don't wait. This year is critical for his social life too. A good psychologist can help him work on the organizational and social skills he'll need to survive high school.

We were fortunate to live near a major university with a great ADHD program. They had a summer camp for ADHD kids that was really intense. It made a huge difference in my son's life, especially his social skills.

You should also try to figure out a way to motivate him (force him?) to get more physical activity. It helps a lot with concentration.