pucca_chick

I was diagnosed last year with ADD and dyslexia. this is my first time on meds, im starting on a low dose of 5mg of dexedrine once a day. i take it in the mornings. i have a history of mood swings throughout the day and have suffered from depression and anxiety for years and self harm.

the strange thing is since starting only 6 days ago my mood swings have pretty much stopped. they used to be very chaotic, im in treatment for BPD. But for the first time i feel a calmness, im not racing and i feel very peaceful suddenly. could it be that i am not BPD but it has been ADD all along?

It has been interesting but overall it is going ok i think. The first time was amazing as it was such a contrast to how i usually feel. total tranquility came over me and i just sat appreciating the calmness, almost silence of my mind. I have been calmer and nit speaking as fast, i was able to control my anger in a bad situation and i felt i could make a better judgement instead of being so reactive to everything and impulsive with my emotions.

I went without sleep for a day or two due to a party so it blurred the effects of meds i think for a bit. Meds make me feel a bit sleepy at times. but yet im doing things better somehow. its easier to go to sleep now and i feel rested in the mornings now. I seem to be better at getting ready and out the door in the mornings too. I feel drowsy or like my head is so calm i need a kick at times though.

For two days i felt stoned, someone asked me if i smoked weed! I was just very foggy and hazy somehow but at the same time i feel calmer so more connected or something, i cant tell really. I am less overhwelming to others in conversations now too and i havent said anything stupid in a while.

it was very emotional for a while and i kept spontaniously crying despite i wasnt sad, it was like crying just with releif that i felt calmness that i didnt know existed.

Today has been different and im learning to observe the effects more. This morning i got anxious over something, my body was shaking and i felt anxious but my mood didnt drop like usual. it went away eventually. i went to class but felt a bit sleepy, but i said something today in class which i never do. When i tried to pay attention it was easier, i think the meds have an effect were -if your not trying to pay attention you wont, but its when you try theres a surprising subtle ease to it more. i just noticed i wasnt bouncing to run out of the room and i didnt feel as frustrated.

As the medication wears off i seem to go slightly like a zombie, i thought my mood was falling today, but its nothing like before. theres a very subtle feeling of melencholy, not quite sad or anything, just calm, im not positive but im not negative. i go into a bit of a daze and theres a lot of staring involved. i came home after walking to try and give myself a kick, i went to sleep. i sunk right into a deep sleep and when i got up i didnt feel in dispair like i usually do.

i notice the drugs wearing off when i feel myself getting hungry. the meds have wiped my appetiete but once theyve worn off im starving. i forgot to eat one day but since then im paying careful attention to it, im off red bull and drinking caffeiene free coke and water, no fruit juices either. im eating bannanas for energy sometimes. i also have cut my alcohol to nothing unless i am at a party which is rare, when i did drink i only had one and a half alcopops the entire night and i drank it very slowly to be sure.

i am also on an anti-depressant. does anyone know whent the sleepiness wears off a bit? i dont feel as stoned but i still feel slightly slow, like im so calm and relaxed i just sit. Im hoping itll go soon because the other sideffects lasted a few days too. anyone know? my psychatrist said adults with adhd find stimulants can make them tired but calm unlike non-adders who would go up the walls since its like speed basically. any suggestions or comments?

id really appreciate any advice.

thanks xx

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