I don't feel ADHD, I experience it. Mental chaos is an apt description. Rapidly changing thoughts. Runaway tangents. High levels of mental noise. At times I seemingly experience the exact opposite. Focused on one thing to the point that I'm oblivious to everything else. Both states have in common; at its worst and in the strictest sense, a total inability to control the direction of my own thoughts.
My ADHD certainly does influence how I feel. Mental chaos is synonymous with a sense that control over one's life is lost. Rapidly shifting feelings of anxiety and depression, feelings of panic or of being overwhelmed result.
A stimulating topic and a challenging problem will briefly break me out of my ADHD experience. I have no problem starting anything new and tremendous trouble finishing anything started.
I am driven, not to the point of distraction, but to the point of exhaustion. I cannot stop until I'm exhausted. Perhaps driven to exhaustion has saved me. Most of the things I start I complete - just a few years to a few decades late.
I also experience periodically what appears to be co-morbid depression. ADHD stimulant meds do nothing for my depression. The SSRI's Celexa and Lexapro are exceptionally effective anti-depressants for me. Both have sucky side effects - Celexa more so than Lexapro.
I experience co-morbid depression as a persistent sense of hopelessness and doom. I consider depression the emotional equivalent to physical shock. "Hey, we're going to die so let's shut down the systems to conserve resources." Trouble is, we're not dying. Heck, not even close to dying. Depression sucks out every last drop of my energy. It takes the H out of my ADHD. At times I have welcomed it. I stop eating and start sleeping at least.
Please post your description. Perhaps a pattern will emerge that all of us will find helpful.
Last edited by Administrator; 09-12-2010 at 02:49 AM.
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My ADHD is similar to your own in a lot of ways, Bob. 'Mental chaos' seems an apt description of what I suffer pretty much every day. Rapidly changing thoughts, getting lost on trains of thought that don't apply to what I'm doing, easily distracted by my own internal stimuli. I've seldom had a problem blocking out external stimuli . . . I was never the type to get lost watching the birds out the window during class. Quite the opposite, teachers never had a problem with me because it looked like I was paying attention. Problem was, I was lost in my own little world, daydreaming the day away, playing out scenarios of how my life would be once all the plans I was making came to fruition (not that I ever started, let alone followed through on most of those plans, but I digress).
Alas, I've never managed the hyperfocus side of ADHD, regardless of how pressing a project is, or how close it is to being due, the outside thoughts and internal distractions just keep coming.
Other classic 'inattentive ADHD' symptoms as well. Can't start (extreme procrastination), can't follow through, easily lose my train of thought, absentmindedness. I often forget appointments, forget to pay my bills until I get a phone call, forget to change my oil, forget to register for school. Funny, when you combine procrastination with absentmindedness, you really tend to get yourself in trouble ('I'll do it later' only works at all if you remember to do it later!).
I have severe issues with recall. Whether it be forgetting subject material for an exam at school or simply 'losing' a word, I have real issues here. Have you ever had a name that was 'on the tip of your tongue,' but you just couldn't think of it? I do that every day, in normal conversation, with everyday words that I use all the time. As with almost everything else, this issue was demonstrated well by Homer Simpson while looking for a spoon, with his line, "Marge, where's that . . . metal dealie, that you use to . . . dig . . . food." I find this issue particularly humiliating.
I have extreme issues with reading, especially when the content is dense. Trouble concentrating, lack of storage and recall, having to re-read sentences to get the gist of what's being said (I often find myself confused when reading because my brain often reads each word on its own, not connecting them into a phrase or a thought). I also suffer from dyslexic tendencies, reading words out of order, reading words from the line above or below as part of the sentence, reading words as other words (eg. when you read 'discrete' as 'district,' things tend to get confusing). All this is complicated by some sort of hyper-somnolence when I read, often dozing off within the first two or three pages; I've often joked that when I want to read something, I might as well just lie down and have a nap, to get it out of the way. I'm not sure that the last two are related to ADHD, but I threw them in just for the sake of comprehensiveness.
For all intents and purposes, I'm convinced that I do not suffer co-morbid depression (despite being diagnosed with Dysthymic Disorder). I do get depressed, no question. I sometimes have trouble motivating myself to get up, get around and do the things that I need to do. I feel, however, that my depression is situational. I get depressed when I think about the sad state of my life. I get depressed when I think about my weight problems. I get depressed when I realize I wasted yet another day/week/year in the throes of ADHD. My depression is not, however, pervasive, nor does it stand on its own. With the exception of my six weeks on Celexa, I haven't thought seriously about killing myself since I was a teen. I feel that I no more suffer clinical depression than I suffer Agoraphobia because I hate to go out because of my (rather extreme) weight issues.
I do suffer from self esteem issues. Self-recrimination, self-loathing, self-hate, self-deprecation, whatever you choose to call it, I've got it. My brother and I tend to feed off one another this way, I often joke that we've made self-deprecation an art form. We both have a lot of issues because of what ADHD has made us. I've spent most of my life feeling lazy, pathetic, worthless. My brother doesn't believe that he has ADHD, he still insists he's just lazy and if he wanted to get his life together badly enough, he could do it.
Medication wise, I've had differing success with various stimulant meds, experiencing my best returns with dexedrine and straight up (generic) methylphenidate. Concerta was worthless for me, Strattera made me extremely nauseous, and greatly intensified my somnolence issues. Strattera did calm me down, make me more patient and less likely to lose my temper, but it did nothing for my concentration/recall issues. I'm finding Adderall somewhat unhelpful as well. It makes me wonder if perhaps my weight issues are to blame. Maybe my metabolism is too slow to break down these meds that make the active ingredient only available after your body has acted on them. I don't know.
Hopefully this was what you were after, Bob, sorry it took so long to respond, but I knew it was going to be a darn big undertaking and I had to work up to it.
Last edited by Administrator; 09-12-2010 at 02:51 AM.
You are so FREAKING intelligent. "Self-recrimination, self-loathing, self-hate, self-deprecation, whatever you choose to call it" Ok, I call it bull shuoop.
You have, not are, HAVE one liability. It's called Attention Deficit Disorder. Who is the ignorant moron who stuck "H" in there. The "H" is sooooooooo inconsequential as part of the definition. Our one and only difference is, you space out, I act out - sometimes - space out others.
Oh, another diff, I'm older but ain't no smarter, tell you that.
Tomorrow the latest I'm updating "Adderall vs Dexedrine." For now, suffice to say, Dexedrine has no equal, heck no second place competition, in what it does for me. I DO NOT FEEL IT. Dex's effects happen entirely within the confines of my head. Marshalls chaos into order like I never thought possible.
Thu, you are right, you do not have co-morbid depression. I get your type depression right after I freak up my life for the nth time too.
I believe those days are gone forever. EVIL, WICKED, KILLER, NEVER-DARE-TOUCH, Dexedrine to the rescue. I am so smoking mad because some anal opening "cougher" declares a helpful medication inaccessible to all but the speed freaks. Who do they think they're kidding? I never had trouble getting speed until I decided to go straight. Years of mental and emotional anguish for nothing. ADD can be a devastating disorder. Doesn't have to be. I had tears in my eyes reading your post. You're too good for that [bad word]. I'd better stop cussing before I get thrown out of here.
Thank you for taking the time necessary to post. I'll tell, no kidding, I could not describe my "under the hood" until quite recently. I did not know myself. I keep everything cloaked from myself. I did not want anyone to know the real horrible me. I'm ADD is such a lie. I have a brain disorder called ADD. Actually I think I'm pretty cool. Well, cool less pretty, anyway. Flush that crap you believe about yourself down the toilet. Heck, now I sound like Index and Rheanna cept they don't cuss. "Don't say bad things about yourself." Oh, how I wish you could hear the whine I put into it. Rhythmic whine at that. Head bobbed (get it) every syllable. Very snotty out of love whine, it is.
I wanted "under-the-hood" descriptions because they better show the similarities between the different subtypes of ADHD. "Under-the-hood" descriptions are very difficult for people with all types of mental illness. For many, self included, it takes years to be able discern what is under our hoods. For example, at my ADHD dx get-go, I could not tell the difference between depression and ADHD. I didn't know I had either so didn't know fundamentally what each meant. Up to that point, I figured all brains behaved like my brain.
I do not expect any more replies because of the foregoing.
From the extremely small sample I am going to conclude that the core under-the-hood ADD definition is "a morbid inability to control the direction of thoughts that results in a chaotic thought pattern."
Based on the above, I conclude that you and I have the same disorder. The differences are in the peripherals.
Dr. Amen bests describes the biology for me. The brain is segmented horizontally into right and left hemispheres. I forget exactly hemisphere controls, but if one side is more buggy than the other, it results in internalizing and visa-versa is externalizing. So, for example a blown left hemi results in ADD. A blown right hemi - ADHD. Both blown? Combination type.
Neuro transmitters reside statically in the blood supply. Different tasks load different regions. Researchers have identified regions primarily responsible for managing different tasks. Put the brain under say "read" load by reading something, blood flow increases to the "read" region. If an ADHD brain is scanned under no load, the scan will read normal. However, if the ADHD brain is scanned under load, son-a-gun, the bugs show up. So cool.
There is empirical proof that ADHD is a biological defect - don't let anyone BS you otherwise.
Can under-the-hood descriptions be used to predict medications? I don't think so.
Based on your reactions to date to the different meds you've tried and my very similar reactions to the same meds, Dexedrine is your ticket to Thunor sans ADD. Get the doc to up the dose. If not mistaken, 30mg is under max 40mg recommended for ADHD. 80mg is for narcolepsy. And go up slowly so you (edit[NOT]) buzz out.
One caveat: Dexedrine is not my solution. Dexedrine is NOT solely my ticket. Dexedrine is part - a significant part - but still just a part of my overall ADHD solution.
Nevertheless, it is very difficult to get the other components up before getting the med component up and running.
Go for it.
Last edited by addprogrammer; 06-30-2009 at 06:05 AM.
Reason: What a diff the negation operator makes
Wow, your descriptions of your symptoms are almost identical to mine. I came to the HealthBoards to see if I have ADD, and I think I may have an answer. I am constantly daydreaming, playing out detailed stories in my mind about stuff I would like to do or have: anything from mastering the piano to being the smartest scientist to having the most beautiful girlfriend. I have to catch myself after several minutes of daydreaming to try to think about more important things, but before I know it, there I am again!
Oh, I've started so many things and never finished them: piano, drawing, computer programming, reading... So many of my books have a bookmark in the middle of the book. Like you, sometimes I have to re-read sentences many times to understand it. The funny thing is that once I understand the sentence, I'm like, "Why didn't I get this the first time!?" For me, it's not that the concept was particularly difficult to understand, it's just that my brain didn't register it in the first place. Sometimes I won't understand a sentence because of one word I've been repeatedly reading wrong (like your example of 'discrete' vs 'district'). In summary, in takes me FOREVER to get through a book. I find it amazing that many of my friends can read 20 books or more in one summer. I wish I could do that.
I perfectly understand your "tip of your tongue" issue with words. Perhaps I have less ADD because I can at least say, "It starts with a B." =) And yeah, I agree it's humiliating, makes one feel really stupid. Recall is also a problem for me, sometimes I forget something that was told to me 30 seconds ago. Not too long ago, someone told me that my cat escaped through the balcony while cat-sitting him, and went on explaining where the cat jumped and how she eventually managed to get him back. I said, "So next time make sure the apartment building door is closed so he wouldn't escape again." She said, "Uh... I just explained he escaped through the balcony." I'm just like, "Oh yeah, you did." And I did remember she did, just not when I said what I said.
I also have concentration problems, which is why I dislike playing strategy games and board games. I can never keep track of more than one task at a time, something critical in games like chess. I don't think I've ever won a chess game, not even against the Beginner setting in a computer. I just can't keep track of so many possible moves, so I end up losing because I only focus on one possible set of moves. As for other boardgames, I get so anxious when a friend wants to play a new boardgame because I know that I won't understand or remember the rules, and I'll end up embarrassing myself. Or I'll just play a random move and end up losing anyway.
I'll finish with one more problem I have: Movies. Unless the plot is very simple, I won't get it. At least right away. Add in a side plot or make it non-linear, and I'll be sure to get lost. Add politics in the plot and I'm completely gone. I often have to rely on a friend to explain to me what's going on so that I could at least enjoy some of the movie. Very frustrating.
So... do I have ADD and is there any hope for me? =)
Oh yes, I can do that. I can also come up with other words that mean something like what I want to say, but aren't perfect. People that know me well enough to know about this issue are used to helping me out when I say:
"Gah, ummm, it's that word for if something is good for you or not . . . you know, it starts with an 'N'?"
"Yeah, that's it!"
As for the rest of your symptoms, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it's likely a duck. I'm a duck. Of course, I'd feel irresponsible if I didn't add the normal disclaimers that ADHD-like symptoms can be caused by a plethora of other conditions, both physical and mental/emotional, so it's important to rule those out before making the final call. Also it's important to note that ADHD is not something that develops, but has to exist from childhood. That said, just because you survived your childhood doesn't necessarily rule out undiagnosed ADHD.
Take the time to educate yourself about ADHD (important, don't just trust whatever doctor you see, you have to understand this stuff for yourself) and start the arduous process of getting diagnosed, you'll find that it's worth it. There is hope, but as I'm finding out, it doesn't come without a boatload of work.
The drugs will make a big difference in your concentration and will assist with many of the issues related to recall. I don't lose words when I'm medicated, at least not nearly as often. I can read much better, I tend not to lose interest the way I do when I'm not medicated, and I tend to be able to get by with reading things once (of course, this isn't a hard and fast rule, but reading is a great deal easier). Patience and self control are better on the meds, though I still have a great deal of difficulty based on 30 years of bad habits, especially when it comes to eating and spending. General focus is better, I perform better at work, even at work that I generally don't feel suffers as a result of ADHD.
Unfortunately, the daydreaming never goes away, but you'll find that medicated it will be easier to push it to the corner and ignore it while you concentrate on more important things.
Oh, and I can't play chess either. I've always felt it was due to my impatience . . . I can't really play the game in my head and thus can't execute a complex strategy. My strategies tend to be brute force based and transparent, so I never win. As for the movie thing, I'm thinking it's likely an attention issue and thus will improve with treatment. It's tough to follow a plot when your mind is running off on tangents set off by something one of the characters said, something in the background, or just the memory of the chili you had for dinner.
Best of luck. Don't be afraid to drop in if you need a resource.
Thanks, Thunor. Your comments were very helpful. I'll have to research (and talk to a doctor about it) about other conditions that could cause ADHD-like symptoms. I can't think of any conditions I have right now that would cause this. But then again, I never thought I could possibly have ADHD until now. I've been trying to remember whether I've had these symptoms since childhood, but the problem is that I can hardly remember my childhood (and I'm only 29). Just glimpses here and there, so I'll have to think hard (though I may be biasing my "results" since I'll specifically be looking for ADHD-like symptoms). But at the moment I feel as if I've always been this way, it's just that now I'm realizing that not everyone else is like this.
What's interesting is that I've thought about each of my symptoms before as possibly coming from different causes. I knew I couldn't play chess or other strategy games, so I thought perhaps part of my brain simply lacks that ability. I knew I was very forgetful, and I thought this was inherited because my mom is extremely forgetful (and now I'm beginning to think she may have ADHD). I even went to a doctor a year ago to ask him if there's anything that can be done about my poor memory, and he just said that it's all in my head. Anyway, when I looked up the conditions for ADHD my mouth just dropped. All those symptoms I've had that I thought were separate seemed to be explained by a single cause.
The daydreaming in not a huge obstacle for me, other than wasting time. In a way, I may even want to keep my daydreaming. Perhaps it is my daydreaming that allows me to have the most interesting and detailed nightdreams while I sleep, to the point where I sometimes look forward to sleeping because I know I'll experience an interesting story. Does this happen to you? I've also had a few sleep-paralysis events, in which I become semi-conscious of the fact that I'm sleeping, followed by odd hallucinations.
Anyway, so a couple of days ago I went to my university's counseling center and talked to a Psychology student about my symptoms. He said my symptoms are consistent with those of ADHD, but (as you said) symptoms sometimes overlap with other conditions. He referred me to a pyschiatrist who will better assess me. So I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. I'm pretty sure he'll want to medicate me, and I know nothing of medications for ADHD or the like. I'm a little concerned because I've found I'm very sensitive to the side-effects of medications, so I wouldn't want to start on something that I know will make me feel uncomfortable. Perhaps I can ask him to give me a sample of medications and I can try to find which one works best...? Any guidance on this issue would be helpful to me, though I may be getting ahead of myself--I haven't even talked to the psychiatrist, yet.
I even went to a doctor . . . and he just said that it's all in my head.
Ah, I so hate that response. To anyone who says that now, my standard response has become: "You're right! It IS all in my head! My brain is short on certain neurotransmitters which is the cause of the symptoms of ADHD!"
Think of it this way . . . your memory, concentration and impulsiveness issues are caused by a smaller supply of particular neurotransmitters (dopamine, norepinephrine and perhaps seratonin) than would be found in the brain of a 'normal' person. Medications for ADHD attempt to increase the supply of those neurotransmitters by either stimulating the release of those neurotransmitters or inhibiting their 'reuptake' or breakdown within the brain. Neurotransmitters are the chemical messengers that transport messages between the various synapses in the brain . . . with fewer messengers, fewer messages get through. There, now you're a victim of my classic oversimplification, but you also have a basic understanding of what the problem is.
Now, ask yourself, if you had diabetes, another disorder caused by a chemical shortage within the body, would the doctor be telling you that it's just your imagination, or that you need to simply will it away? Or would he treat you? My guess is that you'd leave with the information and/or medication you need to live with your disorder, but then, who knows.
Sorry for the tirade, but I'm so sick of the 'all in your head' argument. I'll try to address each of your questions as best I can. If I miss one or I'm not clear, cut me some slack, I've got ADHD.
In regards to childhood memories, I'm lucky, I have many, many detailed memories about my childhood, and others come flooding back with little prodding despite the fact I'm nearly 10 years older than you are. Fortunately, your memory isn't your only resource. Talk to your mom about how you were as a child. Were you difficult? Were you lazy? Did she have to fight and prod and threaten to get you to do your homework? How was school for you? Were you a straight 'A' student, or did teachers accuse you of daydreaming and laziness? Were you disruptive in class? Old report cards, if you or your mom kept them can help in this regard. How was high school? Did you cut a lot of class? Were you sick a lot? Did you do your homework on your own, or did you need mom standing over you ready to smack you when you put the half finished homework aside and turned on the tv? Were you able to do papers and projects prior to the night before they were due, or did you need that "sheesh, it's due in 8 hours" adrenaline rush to get you working? What did your high school record look like, was it like mine, rife with dropped classes and failures despite having more than enough intelligence to excel "if only he'd apply himself?" You get the idea.
In regards to the dreams and the sleep issues, I don't know the connection between ADHD and sleep dreaming. I know that at various points in my life I have had very vivid dreams, and have often been able to realize I was dreaming without waking myself. There was a time that I could fly in my dreams, and would love realizing I was in a dream, because it meant I could fly. I currently don't have that ability, if you hear about how to make it happen, let me know, I'd love to go flying again . . . but, as I so often do, I digress.
Your friend is correct, ADHD very often presents with other issues, something they call comorbidity. Most often, ADHD is comorbid with depression, because living with undiagnosed ADHD tends to make people depressed, also my understanding of some of the causes of chemical depression are similar to ADHD. Other disorders include OCD, Tourette Syndrome, sleep disorders and many others.
This, unfortunately, is where your own education and understanding of ADHD and related disorders is very important. The understanding that ADHD is not 'outgrown' in adolescence is still relatively new, and the disorder in adults is very poorly understood by many psychs and doctors. Many times I have seen people, myself included, seek an ADHD diagnosis and leave with a diagnosis of depression. Depression seems to be the catch all diagnosis for many doctors and psyches, and an incorrect diagnosis is not constructive and is possibly dangerous. Again, in my own case, taking Celexa for my diagnosed Dysthymic Disorder (chronic depression) drove me into a depression that nearly ended in suicide. I didn't buy the depression diagnosis when it was presented, but deferred to the opinion of the psychologist that diagnosed me, after all, he must know better than me, I mean he's a doctor. Right?
So, time for my standard warning. Take the time to read everything you can lay your hands on about ADHD. Know your symptoms and be prepared, (ideally, bring notes) because doctors love to catch you flatfooted with questions about your symptoms. Do any tests as honestly as possible. Try as hard as you can in tests of your memory and processing abilities. Upon a diagnosis, challenge anything that doesn't make sense! Make your doctor explain how you fit the diagnosis, and how the proposed treatment is going to make your life better. If he comes up with depression and you don't feel you're depressive, challenge him on that. I know it can be intimidating, but it's your quality of life that hangs in the balance, not your doctor's. I'm not saying diagnose yourself and go into the process without an open mind, but make sure you understand why the doctor has given you the diagnosis he or she chose, and how you fit that diagnosis.
As for meds, there are generally two classes of medication for ADHD, stimulants and non-stimulants.
Stimulant meds are by far the most common treatment for ADHD and have been in use for the longest time. These stimulants are all in the amphetamine family, and act on the brain by stimulating the release of the neurotransmitters that the ADHD brain is short of. It's important to note that while these meds are amphetamines, and thus carry all of the negative press and images that go along with their oft-abused cousins, proper use of these meds is safe. If abused or used improperly, they do pose and addiction risk, so it's important that if your psych does prescribe stimulant meds you follow their directions carefully (basically, keep the dose at the proper level, the 'if some is good, more is better' logic doesn't necessarily hold true here). Meds in this class go by names you have no doubt heard: Adderall, Ritalin, Dexedrine, Focalin, Concerta, Vyvanase and others.
Non-Stimulant meds are the newcomers to ADHD treatment and are often championed as better because they generally don't have the same risks of addiction. Off the top of my head, I can only think of two non-stimulant meds that are currently used for treatment of ADHD. The first of these is Wellbutrin (Bupropion), the second is Strattera.
Wellbutrin acts on the brain by blocking the reuptake of dopamine and norepinephrine, much in the way that Prozac blocks the reuptake of seratonin. Through this action, Wellbutrin increases the neurotransmitter supply through another means. Some people have great success with Wellbutrin, others do not. Because it's not a stimulant medication, Wellbutrin will not have the desired effect right away. Where the stimulant meds help manage your symptoms within the first hour or two after ingestion, you'll likely have to take Wellbutrin for upwards of a month before finding out whether or not it works for you.
Strattera is a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor and thus increases the supply of this neurotransmitter only. I found it to be of questionable value, personally, but everyone reacts differently to different meds.
That last point is important. If you do find yourself treated with medication for ADHD, you and your doctor will have to take the time to try the different meds at varying doses to find out what works best for you. I can tell you that this can be a frustrating process, but ultimately finding the right med is the goal, because the right med can really make a difference in your life. 'The right med at the right dose' is a mantra you'll see repeated many times on this board and it is, quite simply, the right strategy.
All the meds have side effects, it will be up to you and your psych to evaluate the effects and side effects of each med to decide what's best. Most of us live with certain side effects because the pain of the side effects is less than the pain of unmedicated ADHD. Judging side effects is all part of finding the right med, though, take your time, do it right and you'll find your life will be a lot different.
Thanks again, Thunor, for your thorough response. I thought a bit about my childhood, and I remember I needed a math tutor when I was about 5 or so. I probably couldn't pay attention during class. Also, when I was about 12 I remember I had to have my uncle explain word problems to me step-by-step because I couldn't comprehend them. I also remember that when I was 15 I asked the teacher to explain something she had JUST explained (someone had asked the same question, but I was distracted), and everyone looked at me like, "Are you dumb? She just went over that." Up through elementary school, I was an average C student, but once I got into middle school and on, I became a straight A student for some reason.
Procrastination, however, defines me. I've never been able to get anything done unless there's a deadline coming up real soon (yet I always finish at the nick of time, even if I have to miss some hours of sleep). I always tell myself that I need to start to work on assignments way before they're due, but I never do. I just can't help it. It's that pressure that makes me complete an assignment. Perhaps certain neurotransmitters are turned on while under pressure...? Yet somehow, this routine granted me perfect scores through high school and 5 years of university. But now I'm in grad school and there are no deadlines. Nothing is really due, other than perhaps my comprehensive exams (and which I determine the deadline). I simply need to work on my research and write articles, and in order to do that I need to be well-read, and in order to do that I must be able to focus, read fast, and remember what I've read.
I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week, so hopefully I will have some answers. I'm sure I'll still have questions, so I'm sure I'll be posting again soon.
Thanks for all your help.
PS: I was also able to fly during some vivid dreams, but I haven't had this experience for a few years. I remember that irregular sleeping patterns triggered these vivid dreams. They were cool. =)
Well, you're smarter than I. I managed to squeak through high school with sufficient grades to get into university transfer at my local community college, and managed sufficient grades to transfer from there. Since then, I've been trying for a BA on and off since 1995 without success. Fortunately, the University I attend is desparately trying to become a 'world class' institution on the backs of their students' ever increasing tuition, so they haven't told me yet that enough is enough.
The frustrating part is, my IQ is into the superior range, while not at the level of another poster we have here; I know I have the intelligence to excel. I simply cannot muster the will for a sufficient unbroken period to finish a year of full time school. This is why I'm working with a psychiatrist after two years of searching and hoping to finally get it together. I dream of grad school and perhaps a teaching position someday, but I often have a sinking feeling that I'll be a forklift driver for the rest of my life.
Do keep coming by with updates and questions, we're always happy to oblige.
Oh yes, and to answer your question about pressure, adrenaline solves a lot of problems. Unfortunately, we can't have adrenaline turned on 24/7.
Last edited by Thunor; 07-27-2009 at 10:26 PM.
Reason: punctuation . . . teaches me to use the 'quick reply' feature!
"My ADHD" is like this: I have trouble listening, have difficulty with completing paperwork - make careless mistakes because I do it too quickly; or don't complete it. Have difficulty proofing my written work. Since I was fired from my job I am taking both Strattera and Ritalin, seeing a psychiatrist, starting with a counselor who is familar with treating ADD. Good luck to you!
Thanks for the reply. I had forgotten about this thread. Paperwork is my absolute worst, heck worstest nightmare.
My wife and I met yesterday (Friday) with a realtor to sign contracts. I told the boy right up front; "Don't even think about handing me that pile. My wife read it. I wiggled, tapped, picked my nose, and pull at my hair during the 10 minutes she took to read and question the thing. I asked, "what's his cut and how long does he have to dump the lot?" Got the answers. Grabbed a pen. Signed. And walked out.
My wife explained I hadn't taken my meds today.
The experience was horrifying.
Today I asked wife how many offers so far? She's says "not listed yet." Me: "What is he waiting for?" "Monday" she said.