How do I handle comments - ADD / ADHD Message Board

Momof2boys · 02-06-2001, 12:19 PM

How should I handle comments from relatives that try to "put my child in his place"?? My brother, his girlfriend and their roomate (all childless) expected him to sit still & be quiet thru a 2 hr. movie in a very small apt. with a very active and enticing dog. They started to discipline him right in front of my eyes- and it was more than a "don't do that please". I was trying to keep him quiet & in one place as much as I could- but.....you know the story. Any advice would be helpful. I don't think they said one thing nice about him the whole time.

alazay · 02-06-2001, 03:12 PM

I think that they had no right to act that way towards him. I am not a mother, but if I was, that would have pis#ed me off. I think you should explain the situation to them, and tell them that he can't help it. I would have told them if they can't take it, then I will leave.

dij · 02-07-2001, 01:05 PM

I guess it would depend on where it happened? I have avoided situations where I know it is more than my child can handle. Sure other kids can be quiet, mine, I know, can not be. So I would not even bother trying.

I cant tell you how often I have missed out on restaurants and things like that and it isnt fun. But better than the alternative.

If I were at someone else's house and my child was breaking "their" rules, I would hope I would be the 1st to say something. But If I were not looking, I was in the bathroom, etc., then I guess I would expect them to say something.

I know that in MY house, I have certain rules. Rules that my ADD kid has to abide by, and when he does not, he faces consequences. Which is difficult.

So when a child comes here and does what is not allowed and the parents cant make them stop, I stop them. Even if that makes the parents mad.

I can tell you that in 4th grade, the school has no special rules for my kid. They hold him to the rules just like other kids. It is often painful to see him get into trouble because he doesnt always pause to think before he acts. But even though I know this, I know that he MUST be held accountable.

Because society will treat him this way.

That isnt to say that I dont feel sad sometimes. Or feel the sadness you must feel. I dont mean this to sound uncarring.

It is just that knowing what makes him this way is only 1/2 the battle. It doesnt make it okay by other people's standards. Nor will they forgive him.

My son who is 10-1/2, says he doesnt want to be treated different. Even if that means he gets into trouble more. That is his own words.

agteach · 02-09-2001, 06:10 AM

I would be furious... I know if someone would have done that to my child I would go off.. You need to explain the situaton to them and they need to just deal with it. I am gladd you family is "normal" but ADD peopl have feeling to and we can't help the eay we are and for Gods sake he is a child. I would polietly tell them what the deal is and if they don't like it tough, they have to atleast accept it

Babernethy · 02-28-2001, 12:10 PM

As a parent, school worker and a Scout leader, I am quite often faced with having to discipline children, even though I don't like to do it. There is a limit to the discipline though. At school, I let the teachers look after most of it and only speak up if a kid swears at me.
At 'Beavers', myself and the other leader have to deal with the kids like they are our own...for safety reasons. I expect the other leader to discipline my son, the same with her son from me. There is a limit though. These relatives have forgotten what it is like to be a child. That is sad. How could you get mad at a child for not sitting still for 2 hours...a child who probably hated the movie...2 hours would be an eternity! I give you credit for having a child sit still as long as he did. Tell them that 'kids are kids...you were one also I might add. Were you raised to sit and speak when spoken to?'
Discipline from many sources is great...it keeps us in check. Too much of a good thing though....you know the rest.