Parenting -- the final frontier. - ADD / ADHD Message Board

eXalt · 03-08-2001, 03:34 PM

My experience:

I had an allergy to beef which was not discovered until my 20's. It created symptoms which were neurological, and lifelong. I partly blame this allergy for my attention difficulties. The rest of it came down to poor parenting, IMHO. This is what I'd like to address, here.

I have to say that I believe there are a lot of parents who put way too much emphasis on ADD as a flaw in their children. When I tried going to "ADD groups" I was disgusted. They are often dominated by obsessive parents. I have been a summer camp counselor and also found parents with ADD children allowed it to be a justification for everything from disrespect of authority to violence. This communicates the message that their child is worthless, and they've given up caring. This is the same message which creates anti-social behavior or self-loathing in ANYONE.

One parent (who said they also have ADD) exemplifies this behavior. The parent was taking a college math class, and privately informed their professor that they had ADD. The professor was supposed to understand why this person would have difficulty, and perhaps be compassionate in grading their tests. Thankfully, the professor didn't buy the stinking load and said they'd be treated like everyone else.

This is the type of parent who will ruin their kid's ability to properly mature with ADD. How can your children grow up if you won't?

I have lived with this my whole life, but count it a blessing that it wasn't (another) thing that made me feel inadequate. In the end, the person with ADD still requires parents who love their kids for who they are -- not parents who are fixated on their *perceived* shortcomings.

steph70 · 03-14-2001, 07:03 PM

I totally agree with you! My husband got me thinking this way actually. We have yet to find out if our son has ADD or not, but whatever the problem is...ADD...dyslexia...something different, we have to work with the situation, not use it as an excuse. Now, granted, my son's biggest difficulty in school is writing...partly he hates to write, and partly he has the darndest time getting things down on paper (probably because of not liking to print)...if he could do everything orally he'd be great! Anyway, he's having exceptions made for the writing...has the teacher or someone else scribe for him, but not all the time...he still has to know he has to do the work! Also, because he has serious concentration problems, the teacher has put him on a reduced workload. He's still doing the same work as the other kids, just a bit less. We can't let him get used to that though...he already told one replacement teacher that his usual teacher doesn't make him do every question. That did NOT go over well with me when I heard it! Anyway, to get back on track...when our kids are having difficulties, we have to find ways to work around them, or incorporate them into a way of doing things that works for the kids. As tempting as it is some days, we can't just give up on them. If we don't stick with them, who will??? No matter how hard it is some days, we've got to keep our kids in check and let them know we're there for them. We can't let them get away with doing less and less work....rude behaviour....whatever else. We've got to work WITH them, and not think that they can only do so much, or they can't do certain things. If we think that way we're saying that we don't have the faith in them to think that they can do anything. They CAN do anything! They might just have to do it a different way