alwaysBhind

Ok here goes. As a kid I remember not fitting in, not good at math, survived reading, flunked algebra, not overly popular. Basicly muddled thru parent's divorce. Dad's death, mom's cancer...in all, I figured I did fine considering what I went thru as a kid and young adult. School was do-able, graduated HS fine. Went to Trade School, had to work hard to stay on top of it. Graduated fine. In my 20's I loved my hospital work and did just fine. Lived on my own but was obscessed with my weight. Took diet pills and developed bulemia. (Lost the wt.) Soon learned that kind of life sucked. Read bunches of self-help stuff and made it thru, also w/the help of new hubby. Mid 20's to early 30's I was told freq. that I was spacey. Blonde. Goofy. Neurotic about neatness. (I developed a like of order when I lived w/my dad. It was just he and I, and I had nothing to do but clean). I should mention that my dad was mentally ill. Never officially dx'ed but was PARANOID SCHIZ. Won't go into that now. Anyway, once my kids arrived life took a very busy turn. My 30's are remembered as nice, but irratic. Is that new motherhood or what? Now, at 41, I can see patterns. Once my life REALLY got complex and rushed, I lost gobs of daily information. Phone calls, dates of importance, and a million other things that I can't recollect. I am hypersensitive to noise, always have been. Supposedly have PMS for years. I procrastinate everything. I have 30 diff. projects going. To prioritize is a hard task for me. The noise I spoke of completey rules my mind and if it doesn't stop fast I get mad. I hate ball games because of the crowd noise. I have notes and calanders all over (work and home) to direct my moves. I struggle so just to keep up with being a mom!! Do other moms have a hard time with running a home? I have 2 kids, work 2(1/2) days a week. There are alot of other jobs/chores for me, as we live on a farm. But still! Why can't I remember stuff? In my extended family...I known as an idiot! ("blonde"...) I'm tired of it. I want my husbands respect. My kids need a good example of a MOM. GET THIS>>>went on a small trip last wk with my mom. I RAN OUT OF GAS on a busy interstate! I was focused on her talking and completely forgot to get gas!! NOw thats BAD.