Methodman

I've had the inattentive-type ADD symptoms as far as I can remember, and my family's problems-one being !DIVORCE!-which I will NOT go into depth, made overlooking my problems simple. I've always been somewhat of an outcast with a couple friends, and a low self-esteem, but always complimented by teachers as very creative and intelligent individual. I've always been interested in how things work; Always had my mind the mechanic/electronic field, since I was a tiny kid. I have never been the social type because of low self-esteem, and extreme social anxiety. The negatives that I have aforementioned have made my life, especially my childhood very depressing.

High school was HORRIBLE. I thought of committing suicide constantly, and often drew myself away from the people. Grades suffered because I could never keep my mind on one thing, especially something I disliked, for more than 20 minutes. My sophomore year in high school my biological mother had called my school to tell them that I needed to see the counselor because extreme signs of depression were prevalent to her. I only was allowed once visit before my step mom (my father had custody of me at the time) had restricted the school to continue my counseling. Depression…

My college experiences had introduced me to "RAVING", which itself isn't entirely a bad idea, except for the massive amounts of illegal drugs consumed, such as Ecstasy. I've "rolled" twice now, and can remember the extreme euphoria-as your serotonin rushes through your brain you experience, what ravers call PLUR, an acronym for "Peace, Love, Unity, Respect" It took me a couple times until I realized that this awesome ability to socialize with anyone I wanted, and feel like "YOU ARE THE *@#*" wasn't worth the hangover the next day, often called "sketching out" MDMA can also cause neuro-toxicity, which will scramble your serotonin, dopamine, among other important brain chemicals.

Finally (Thanks for reading this far), I was not diagnosed with ADD until I dropped out of college my freshman year, and seeked professional therapy. About a week ago, the 26th, I was prescribed 5mg pills of Adderall by my physician. I was in for a surprise.

Unknowing that Adderall is similar, and sometimes used as an alternative dance-drug, I popped my first 'hit', only the prescribed amount of 5mg, as soon as I got home. I WAS AMAZZZED! I felt almost as good, if not as GOOD, as I did when I took Ecstasy-except for the fact that I had an incredible ability to focus! I maintained this euphoric feeling for the first two days after I started medicating, but then once again I realized "Whatever comes up must come down." The coming down was horrible, but only lasted for a day and really didn't feel quite as bad as Ecstasy’s "day-after effect" I continued taking the medication, and the day after I felt a only the focus potential of the drug, but was quite irritable and moody, at one point almost suicidal.

The roller coaster is starting to get a little tiring, and I would like to know if there is a way I can maintain the euphoric-feeling permanently. I HAVE been taking my prescribed dosage, and wish for an explanation. Any and all comments, advice is welcome.

Everybody, including me, loves the Adderall euphoria I had experienced. HOW CAN I KEEP IT?