Life with an ADD child - ADD / ADHD Message Board

Kelly J · 05-29-2002, 10:09 AM

My stepson is 10. He was diagnosed with ADHD at 3. He was on Ritalin for 5 years. He has not been on an Meds since 8. He is no longer Hyper, but he is headed in the wrong direction and my husband doesn't seem to see it. His son doesn't listen. When you ask him to do something it is a fight. Like wearing a jacket, taking a shower, picking up after yourself. He has been pooping in his pants for 3 yrs now. It is not medical. His doctor said he felt that when he is outside he doesn't want to take the time to come in and go. My Stepson admits that. My husband will not discipline him, he tells him to clean up. When he is 2hours late from being with his friends, my husband says next time be on time. It never happens. This messing in his pants is killing us. My family is completely at their wits end. We have to pack a bag wherever we go because he goes in his pants. What do I do as a stepparent. I feel he needs to be punished for some of these things. His odor is incredible. My husband says he will out grow it. He is just too big

rebecarooni · 05-30-2002, 06:49 AM

My exhusband had similar attitudes toward his daughter (now 19 with ADD and seizure disorders). He didn't feel as though any thing was wrong with her--she was just lazy. Fortunately, I had a relationship with her that allowed me to talk to her and kind of get a feel for what was going on and with help from her pediatrician and school counselors, we were able to get her help. As far as your situation, it is surprising that your stepson's school isn't getting involved and perhaps you should speak to them. Maybe hearing that there is a problem from a source like that will wake your husband up. It is astounding that other children aren't commenting on the smell etc. Ultimately, someone needs to make a decision for this child and if his mother isn't in the picture (just an assumption) and his father is in denial, it's up to you as the loving adult in his life to try to help.

mlgable · 05-30-2002, 08:16 AM

Have you considered talking to your step sons doc to see about a referral to a psychologist for help. Tell your husband you would like to talk to the doc about a referral to the psych. doc due to the messing in his pants which is something I don't think your husband will fight you on this one and once you are at the intial appointment you can address your other concerns about your step son etc. I am also not sure how much responsibility your son has to take for his accidents but be sure that he is the one who takes the extra clothes when you go some where and let him be the one to clean up the mess as well putting his soiled clothes in a plastic bag if that is what you use for them etc. Do not make a big issue out of it but just matter of factly make him responsible for himself. This may or may not help but at least it will take some of the responsibility off of your shoulders if he has to be the one to take care of his accidents instead of you. Also if he is late getting home from a friends house and it was over supper hour why not be sure the kitchen is all cleaned up and food put away. If he wants something to eat make him a sandwhich with some fruit or fresh veggies to go with it but do not actually cook for him or reheat leftovers. If he really likes you cooking he may get the drift that he better be on time if wants a nice hot meal. I did use the word MAY in that last sentence since I don't know the child and for all I know he may be one of those who doesn't care if missed the meal or not. You also need to sit down and work out with your husband what kind of punishment will be given when he is late etc. and then stick to it. If you find your husband not sticking to it then gently remind him of what you had both agreed on for ground rules. Good Luck.

Markie Mark · 05-31-2002, 06:02 AM

Just because he is no longer hyper doesn't mean that doesn't still need meds. I was not diaganosed till I was 38, I had long since outgrown the hyper part, and when they tested me I still came in with the highest score she had ever tested. I was on Ritalin for two years then was switched to Dexidrine. It has made such a difference in my life you could not believe it. About a year ago I started taking fish oil and have been able to reduce my meds by almost 75%. So I would suggest having him rechecked and maybe start him on some fish oil. The part I like about fish oil is it has helped in way the meds never did.

rebecarooni · 05-31-2002, 08:57 AM

Certainly bringing your son's focus to his responsibilities makes tons of sense. I have noticed that with my five year old (AD/HD and on meds) that making him take responsibility for his actions has helped a lot. But it is still very important to get him thoroughly evaluated by a pediatrician and some sort of psychologist, cousellor what ever. And make sure that you communicate any findings with any one who has contact with him because consistency is extremely important. The rules in your house need to be his rules every where he goes. Good luck.