Does having ADD/ADHD as an adult affect relationships? - ADD / ADHD Message Board

21inAugust · 06-01-2002, 10:11 PM

I was wondering if ADHD or ADD had a negative affect on dating because my last boyfriend had ADHD and blamed all of his short-comings as a partner on his ADHD. For example, he claimed that the reason he has to cheat or move on from a girl is because of his attention deficit and "need for novelty". Plus he was really weird,so I wonder how much his condition really had to do with his behavior and choices. He was 23 at the time I dated him.

mlgable · 06-01-2002, 10:56 PM

Since when is ADHD a reason to cheat on anyone. ADD/ADHD may affect the relationship somewhat but it is not an excuse for anyone to have keep moving on or look for novelty in a relationship. If you really care about the person you are with the ADD/ADHD shouldn't be a real problem during the dating stage.

21inAugust · 06-02-2002, 12:49 AM

That's what I thought, but I had to see what other people with Add actually had to say since my ex is the only person I've ever known personally who had it.

help · 06-06-2002, 01:22 AM

It can have a dramatic effect on relationships.
The only way it has to do with "cheating" on someone is because he may get bored easily and needs an intense stimulation like the feeling of a "new" relationship; although, ADD or not, that's still no excuse for cheating.

ADD behavior in relationships consists of ALOT of breaking up/getting back together, LOTS of meaningless arguments, and a GREAT loss of emotion. An ADD individual "checks out" or is mentally unable to see "warning signs" that something may be wrong emotionally, or relationship wise. This usually leaves the non-ADD individual to cheat, especially if the non-ADDer is female. They do this subconcioiusly to sabatoge the relationship, and ultimately "want out".

21inAugust · 06-06-2002, 02:53 AM

Wow, a lot of what you said sounds like what went on. The only difference is that my ex (the one with ADHD) did the cheating. He constantly broke up with people or had them brake up with him, he seemed to have no clue that there were major problems in the relationship, he had been dumped by a wife whom he convinced to have an "open-marriage" with and give her kid up for adoption...the list goes on and on. Help, thanks for your insight.