Normal behaviour? - ADD / ADHD Message Board

bruised · 01-22-2003, 05:01 PM

I have a question for you parents.My son turned 5 and pretty much does what he wants, when he wants.He's been like this since he was 3.I spoke to a pediatrician back when he was 3 about this disorder,but said he was still young to diagnos and said that his behaviour is normal.To me some isn't normal.He was very destructive,at 3 yrs old.Took everything apart,and ripped things up.Then at 4 he would take shampoo and pour it in the sink,constant getting into toothpaste,destroying toys,flushed things down the toilet,would ruin all our stuff,destroy his room.So we changed the room and got him a new bed,new color, new theme,thinking this was the prob.He wasn't happy that's what we thought.He would talk alot and do alot of repeating.Constant talking and no quiet time.Bedtime routine he's go go go all day,and very tired but refuses to go to sleep.He'd wake up at 6am,which isn't an appropriate time for me,and fall asleep at around 11pm.even though he's been in bed since 8pm.Constant getting up between 8pm and 11pm.Not enough sleep is making his eyes black.I sleep more then he does.He loves art.He can draw very well.I ask him to to a simple task,that a 5 yr old should manage,such as clean up his mess he's made and it takes forever.He never does do it,he dilly dallies.Breakfast,lunch,dinner takes 2 hrs to eat!He just poured on the floor 35$medication and dumped laundry detergent on the floor.I asked him why he did it.He said "because i wanted too".So I guess we're back to stage 1.the destructive phase.But as for bedtime now,he's in bed by 6:30pm so he's asleep at 9 but still up at 6am,go go go.Into everything he can get his hands on.He's 5!As for eating we now have a 20min timer.20 min and if its not finished he can eat it another time.We have to watch him go to the bathroom because he'll get into everything in the bathroom.Now,I don't know if I'm in the proper forum,but is this normal 5yr old behaviour or could it be add?I figured at 5 yrs old,they would listen at least to what's been said,not wreck everything he feels like,and be able to go to the bathroom by himself without us watching his every move?Please help!

mommyof5 · 01-23-2003, 11:22 AM

Bruised,
I'm sitting at my computer laughing (not at you!) at the memories of my eldest daughter when she was that age, I can relate to practically everything you said. Her destruction was sort of the same, I kept everything locked up (I have a chain and lock on one of my bottom kitchen cupboards just for her, otherwise in the middle of the night she will go after the junk food,cookies,school snacks,etc.). I remember the writing on the walls of her bedroom, the smearing of toothpaste on the bathroom floor,etc. Now that I think about that she really has come a long way maturity wise. But remember i said she is an extreme case and was medicated 4 months into kindergarten. I have not had these behaviors from my others (thank god!). They do say that boys are more destructive than girls. My daughter has never broken anything, just kind of got into everything. When she was a baby we called her "the duracell baby" because she was always on go,go,go. She also spent a few hours in bed before falling asleep (she still does)
so your question-is this normal behavior? I would say it IS normal behavior for ADHD (from my experiences). My dr. told me I had been very patient before asking about meds (I had never asked, only described all her behaviors over a long period of time- probably from 12 months or so). But because it was causing trouble in school I asked. I would see about having him assessed somewhere, maybe the hospital (that's where I went). Talk to the dr. some more. Don't be afraid to let him know that you're at your wits end! My dr. thought it was better to try to medicate and if it worked and leveled the child out where the child had a better control of themselves then the child wouldn't get into so much trouble (punishments,spanks,time-outs) and the childs self esteem would pick up also. It's been a very rough road for me (for my eldest) and a lot of work but we take it one day at a time and try to handle one thing at a time. I hope I have helped in anyway. Feel free to ask more.

mommyof5

bruised · 01-23-2003, 11:54 AM

Tnks Mommyof5 for responding to this.Yes,it's very frustrating that a 5yr old can get in so much trouble all the time,thinking that he should know better.I guess he doesn't.It's hard though.Everyone in our family I've spoken too,though,disagrees on this behaviour.They say it's normal behaviour.But then I speak to friends that have gone through the 5yr old stage say they never had the problems as I do with him.So really who knows,until I speak to a professional on this behaviour.

mommyof5 · 01-23-2003, 08:10 PM

Bruised,
if he is adhd he CAN know right from wrong and know rules and know how he is supposed to behave BUT WITH ADHD THE IMPULSIVITY IS SO STRONG THEY CAN'T CONTROL THEMSELVES. This is where meds can really help. From my understanding if a child is only add that child will need about half the dose of the child with adhd because you need to control the hyperactivity as well as have the child focus.
My eldest (11 1/2) daughter explained it to me in a very interesting way (the focusing part), she said her head is like a puzzle thats not put together and when she takes her meds and they start to kick in it's like the puzzle is all put back together and things then make sense.
oh yeah, I too have heard from family and friends "it's normal behavor, they'll outgrow it, it's age appropriate,blah,blah,blah. My dr. also told me if you medicate a child who isn't adhd you won't see any difference but their is a trial and error process to go through to find the right dose. too little medication won't help and too much can make them weepy, whiney and irritable so you need to find the middle. Hope this helps some more.

mommyof5

addvocate · 01-30-2003, 07:34 PM

My Mom is a retired teacher. For the amount of busyness your son shows - she would say - that is the sign of an active mind. With ADHD, VERY active. You need to help him slow down. Obviously very bright, but the impulsivity is propelling him. Good luck with meds, it is more art than science BUT it is good to see the social success. Stigma is not anything you want a child to carry through life. He will always be gifted with a supercharged mind, but doesn't need to be cruising @ ultrasonic speed!