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Old 01-04-2011, 11:41 PM   #1
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Unhappy Add or adhd?

Ok,try and bare with me here,if i seem to ramble on im sorry.I have an 12 yr old son.He's just about flunkin all his classes.The teachers say he can't seem to stay on task,he's figgety,he loses concentration easily.It sometimes take hrs to get his homework done.If you ask him to do something you have to stand over him till he gets it done,if you leave it does't get done.He lies at the drop of a hat,he despises school,and now he's taken too stealing from his family.Over the holidays,a family member gave me cards for another family member,it had checks and money in it.My son took the cards,hid them in his room.and proceeded to lie about the whereabouts of the cards.Even when he saw me crying,digging thru the dumpsters and garbage,thinking i had mistakenly thrown them out.He was ready to let me take the blame for them missing,knowing full well that he had them all the time.I gave him many chances to come clean,if he did it,but he continued to lie to my face.So i searched his room and found them hidden,it broke my heart that my son would stand by and watch me be so upset and say nothing.Not only that,xmas eve i was at a get together at my sisters house.She had an extra guest who she had put a gift card in an envelope for.The guest laid it down on the couch,and the next thing you know it turned up missing.I questioned my son who says he didnt have it. My son went into the bathroom and told me to pat him down if i didn't believe him,So i did,no gift card. One of my family members thought it was kinda strange,that my son was in bathroom alittle while before he asked for the pat down.Come to find out my son had taken the card and but it under the sink vanity,then he tried to put the blame on another family member,saying they told him to do it.He seems to have no sense that lying and stealing can be serious.I spanked him,didn't work,I took away everything in his bedroom including his tv.He was in there for about a week with nothing,I finally let him out then he turns around and lies a couple more times.Does any of this sound like ADD or ADHD?All replies welcome,Thankyou.

 
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Old 01-05-2011, 06:36 AM   #2
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Re: Add or adhd?

suzyshop1,

The quotes in the list below my signature suggest ADHD. Your son's behavioral issues; lying, stealing, are not symptoms of ADHD. However, more than likely your son is acting inappropriately out of frustration and desperation. He is unable to succeed in school or integrate socially with other 12 yo boys and, now entering puberty, girls too. It is a hell of thing to live through, I know, I experienced it myself. It's murder.

See a child psychologist. The psychologist will give you an accurate diagnoses. It's looks like ADHD to me but I'm not qualified to diagnose and it is possible other disorders are the cause. The psychologist can determine the degree of impact on your son's behavior. The psychologist will direct you to a psychiatrist for medication if deemed necessary.

ADHD can be so disabling that your son can NOT do well in school or socially regardless of how hard he may try. Your son may need very little additional discipline from you once the disorder(s) are controlled.

Your story brings back painful memories. Your son is living the pain that is so intense the memory of it is painful for me.

I'm certain you'll get him the help he needs. Good parents such as yourself come to this board to find help. We never see bad parents post here. In other words, be assured, your parenting is not the cause of your son's difficulties.

Bob
  • I have an 12 yr old son.
  • He's just about flunkin all his classes.
  • The teachers say he can't seem to stay on task,he's figgety,he loses concentration easily.
  • It sometimes take hrs to get his homework done.
  • If you ask him to do something you have to stand over him till he gets it done,if you leave it does't get done.

 
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Old 01-05-2011, 09:03 AM   #3
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Re: Add or adhd?

It had been suggested that my 16 year old son has ADD. He will be tested at the end of this month. Your concerns sound the same as mine except he doesn't have very much hyperactivity. He can't complete tasks unless supervised, flunking classes. Teachers say he is smart but can't stay on task. If you ask him to do more than one thing at a time most likely only one will be remembered. For example if he is going upstairs and I ask him to bring me my jacket and turn off the bathroom light the light will get taken care of but he comes down without my jacket. He gets very distracted. The same as you, no matter what consequences I impose, no results. When he brings home directions for an assigment at school that he has copied down, there is always something missing, a page number or chapter number etc. There is a wonderful book called Driven to Distraction. It has personal cases in it and is very informative. I am out of ways to think of to help him. I myself may be tested for ADD. Can you imagine all along someone who can't follow through trying motivate someone with the same problem. Good luck and I would love to hear what steps you decide to take and if it works.

 
Old 01-05-2011, 06:17 PM   #4
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Re: Add or adhd?

"If you ask him to do more than one thing at a time most likely only one will be remembered."

That right there is a classic for ADHD in school-aged kids or teens. Give them 2 tasks, only the first one gets done. I love the people who call it a "senior moment" when you walk into a room and forget why you're there, I had those at age seven...

I outgrew the "forget the second chore" syndrome to some extent. I still have trouble tracking multiple responsibilities, but I've learned to cope.

I wonder how. I'll have to think about that question tomorrow, because right now my brain is exhausted from the phenomenal effort of tracking multiple responsibilities all day.

I guess that could be how...

I definitely and wholeheartedly agree with Bob's assessment, by the way.

 
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Old 02-04-2011, 09:50 PM   #5
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Re: Add or adhd?

Well here's alittle update,my husband and i went to a parent teacher conference at his school.He told the teachers he was being bullied by students in some of his classes.The teacher decides to take him out of the class he was having problems with,and put him in another class.It seemed to help somewhat,until today.I got a call from his teacher,to let me know that he had taken a classmates cell phone.Not only that when his teacher asked for my home phone number,he lied to her and gave her his cell phone number.He had to stay in a classroom all day that they put children in to punish them.The teacher said the next time,they will have to get the police involved.We have an appointment with a neurologist next month.Im at my wits end,my son seems to not care about the consequences of what he does.I ground him i stripped his room of all the things he plays with,i buy him no more take-out when we get it ,but nothing seems to work.Iv'e spanked him,im running out of options.Anyone have any ideas or suggestions.Thanks for listening.

 
Old 02-05-2011, 07:38 AM   #6
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Re: Add or adhd?

Wow,I just talked to a friend of mine who I haven't been in touch with for a while. Her son is 16 an doing well, now. He was diagnosed with adhd a while ago. His medication for adhd woyuld help him focus somewhat but his behavioral problems continued and kept getting worse. For instance he was constantly testing his teachers and fellow students. If the teacher told him to sit he would sit with only half his body on the chair, constantly taunting. He would taunt other students also. It always escalated and turned bad. He was suspened, had detention. This was ongoing. After changing his therapist, the new one brought up that he may have ODD also , Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Going with that, they implemented a different schooling option, a one on one system with a teacher for several hours a day and then he went home. His teacher actually taught at the library not in school. Taking him out of the situation where he constantly felt misunderstood and defensive changed him greatly. He is now getting straight A's. And is much calmer. Of course there are lots of other things they are doing to help him but you may want to bring up ODD to his councelor or therapist.

Last edited by Administrator; 02-05-2011 at 10:39 AM.

 
Old 02-07-2011, 11:34 AM   #7
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Re: Add or adhd?

Suszy, I agree with Bob on this, it may be something different going on. I have a nepfew thats OCD,ODD,Bipolar and a few other things as well but he does the same things but wont own up to anything even if you actually see him do it and will deny everything and along with his illness is anger and distruction. You should possibly get him evaluated before adding a tag to him which im sure many will agree with that. Thanks
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Old 02-07-2011, 11:41 AM   #8
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Re: Add or adhd?

Jane, Im already having a (senior moment) lol I forgot to read your post,Have a goog one hun....lol
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Old 03-03-2011, 08:06 AM   #9
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Re: Add or adhd?

Just an update on my sons ongoing problem.This past week my son had a problem,being accused of stealing a kids cell phone on the bus.The kid chased my son home with about 4 other kids.The kid that accused my son,knocked him down into the trashcans,all the while,not really knowing if my son had took the phone or not.Well the next thing i know,the kids mom shows up at the door to see,if she could get back the phone.I asked my son if he had it he said no.So i told the mom i would search his room.I did i found it hidden.I asked him how did he come to get it,he said that the boy had left it on the bus,and the kid had already gotten off.I don't know why he just didn't give it too the bus driver.I waited for 3 day,for her to come back and get it,nothing.So i told my son to tell the kid that he had his phone.He came home from school and told me he did.Next thing i know i got same group kids on my deck,accusing him of taking money,or they thought he was attempting to take it.I searched him for the money,soon as he came in the door,found nothing.I asked the boy if he had told my son,that they just cancelled the contract and had gotten a new phone.Apparently my son lied to me ,because he said he was afraid,if i gave them back the phone,the boy would lie in wait to beat him up again.I returned the phone to the boy,and am hoping thats the end of the matter.My son is now in fear that the boy is going to stalk him,and never leave him alone.So if i go up to the bustop and see this kid following him home,i don't know what i might do.Im not gonna let some stupid kid harasss my son,just cause he made a stupid mistake.As an add on here,my son has a neurologist appt the 9th to be tested for ADD or ADHD.If anyone cares to know the results,i'll check back in.Thanks for listening.

 
Old 03-03-2011, 09:21 AM   #10
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Re: Add or adhd?

Suzy.

I am sorry you are having so many problems with your son. Is the family in therapy? I hate to tell you but even if he is diagnosed with ADHD AND medicated it is not going to stop these behaviors. He needs to work with a therapist to learn how to deal with his feelings and why he feels the need to steal and lie.

Don't wait for a diagnosis- get him in therapy!

Pup

 
Old 10-01-2011, 04:37 AM   #11
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Re: Add or adhd?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mostiko66 View Post
It had been suggested that my 16 year old son has ADD. He will be tested at the end of this month. Your concerns sound the same as mine except he doesn't have very much hyperactivity. He can't complete tasks unless supervised, flunking classes. Teachers say he is smart but can't stay on task. If you ask him to do more than one thing at a time most likely only one will be remembered. For example if he is going upstairs and I ask him to bring me my jacket and turn off the bathroom light the light will get taken care of but he comes down without my jacket. He gets very distracted. The same as you, no matter what consequences I impose, no results. When he brings home directions for an assigment at school that he has copied down, there is always something missing, a page number or chapter number etc. There is a wonderful book called Driven to Distraction. It has personal cases in it and is very informative. I am out of ways to think of to help him. I myself may be tested for ADD. Can you imagine all along someone who can't follow through trying motivate someone with the same problem. Good luck and I would love to hear what steps you decide to take and if it works.
Im quite sure your son has ADD because i have the exact same symptoms when not medicated, I was diagnosed in grade 2 with ADD. Does he by any chance have irregular sleeping patterns?

 
Old 10-01-2011, 09:48 PM   #12
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Re: Add or adhd?

My brother was diagnosed with it and He has the same symptoms and does have irregular sleeping patterns.

 
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