Originally Posted by mominbucks
I wanted to ask you these questions because you've contributed a lot of great information.
Quite honestly I'm hurt by your responce and you needn't answer my questions if you would rather not.
Not everyone in Bucks has money, but my personal story has no place here. It's irrelevant and unkind. I'm just trying to help my son during a very difficult time.
I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Humor attempt turned deadly. I have friends in Buck. I was attempting to play on a widely held misconception held up here in the norther tier. It developed over the years as many retirees from Phila moved north, out into country. I know Bucks county. My friends could be classed typical middle class, worked like hell, saved a buck or two, and have no need to worry over paying this months electric bill. In no sense, can they be considered rich. One family in particular took a hell of loss this past stock market crash. Overnight, they went from comfortable to stressful living as a result. Besides, ADHD is as much a nightmare for the fabulously rich as it is for lower economic classes.
Bucks is beautiful, not city, not primarily suburbia, nice wide properties, and a very nice place to live. Yep, there is few very wealthy families parked in Bucks. 99% of families in Bucks are like my friends. I've said to them when discussing money matters; "You can't have problems. Everyone in Bucks is rich." They laughed. They know I was playing on a misconception.
Please, please, forgive me.
I wrote down my thinking history since 6:00 AM to now. I couldn't figure any other way to help you or anyone else understand the internal working of an ADHD brain.
This AM buggy brain history:
It should make sense as you continue reading
7:30 Now on Notepad
Copy to Notepad
Copy Header --
How I Am This AM - Briefly Illustrate
Up 6:00 AM
Brain is in vicious cycling mood
I'm physically rested - mentally not fully recharge -
non-stop work past 7 days - I need to take a break and get out outside and play in the woods. That ain't happening today
In pre-ADHD remediation days, today would be an Outhouse day, I fell in the poop filled hole head first.
Today - No Problem - I know what to do
I'm copying from my hard copy notebook into NotePad.txt.
Oops - best save now - named file - stuff - saved in my ADHD folder
I'll keep habitually hitting crtl + S
My copy is my history for the past 1:45 hour
6:00 AM to 6:30 AM My habitual toiletry routine happens while brain is cycling = 0.1 cycles/sec.
I'm trying to think about the tasks and schedule for today.
Brain loads them all plus stuff I'd like to do - but can't - not today
This - currently a top priority
2nd appt for today
How many ap ...
Sched ..... ule
Decision ... safe to go habitual mode
While brain = 0.1 CPS ...
15 minutes later
I see a miracle with my eyes
A plate is on my table, on plate is 2 nicely fried eggs - no snot, not burnt either
1 piece toast buttered and jellied
1 Hugh cup java
Why a miracle - I didn't do it - not consciously
While brain = 0.1 CPS ...
Go to prime directive ...
Goto office, on desk there will be a hard copy notebook
In office - panic attack - notebook not on desk
Pooooooop - where is it?
Breathing and heart rate near red line
No where to be found in office - Office IS organized, no clutter and no notebook.
I dare note call Search and Rescue - She'll shoot me dead.
Don't mess with that women before she gets out of bed.
Did I leave it in Kitchen - not there
Core body temp ~109F
Where is it?
I carefully open BR door, don't wakeup the beast, There it is --- on my nightstand
Yes, now I remember - I took it bed with me to lookover today's stuff - I'll feel asleep before lookover.
Ahhhhh, my notebook
While writing in notebook - Brain CPS begins a rapid decrease 0.1; 0.5; 1, 10 30 CPS
Ahhhh, in lock. Calm and focus overtake me. Oh, the pill, is it working? - not yet - took it 15 mins ago.
Look at schedule
First biz appt. - 11:00 AM
Now I write in - prepped and in car 10:30
Stop this - 10:00 AM be prepared to forcefully pullout if needed.
Now, how the hell do I explain self-talk. It has to be the easiest concept in the universe, yet one of the most difficult to explain. Each of us talk to ourselves non-stop while awake.
Those without ADHD are talking to themselves about what I really wanted to talk to myself about this AM.
I couldn't. Conversation topic changed every 0.1 CPS. Maybe faster.
Why does my hardcopy notebook work for me?
1. I have one universal notebook. I'm copying from it now.
2. Said universal notebook is ALWAYS parked on my desk at day's end. It took me a half hour; 0.5 hour; 30 minutes to find my notebook this AM. I knew it was somewhere in the house. That saved me from a certain outhouse day.
Writing down my process flow stalls brain long enough to get one small detail "baby step" exclusively in working memory.
And the record persists the detail on hard drive paper. I'll need the detail later when I process the data.
Schedule and tasks - safely loaded in brain ram.
There isn't anything to process. Just follow my plan. No thinking involved. I may have to stop this before completed.
I'm running a seasonal business. My business workload is going up each day. Soon I'll have too little resources to complete this project. This project is vitally important for me. Perhaps another day, we can explain why?
Goto web. Post Stuff.txt.
Incidentally, I'm putting a copy on the table for the "beast" to read. She does the beast to beauty thing shortly after SHE decides to get out of bed. The woman will have a good laugh. The truth is so funny - ain't it.
End copy from notebook.
The truth is funny when both parties understand the motive. Understanding the person is understanding the motive.
I'm am an BUTT HOLE, the biggest in the universe.
Damn me, anyway. Of all people, I should be the one sensitive to the painful crisis you are experiencing. I hate myself.
I'll try a summary.
Please respond. Please, please.
Can you see how an ADHD brain processes info. Every problem we face, is solved using the same method. Get the facts, analyze the facts, draw a conclusion, test conclusion, draw decision tree.
1. The problem can be solved.
2. The problem can't solved.
1a. Keep iterating. More details come to light while implementing on 1.
2a. Find a way to deal with it. More details come to light while implementing on 2.
Sometimes path 1 leads to path 2.
Sometimes path 2, we discover that path1 is true. Problem can be solved.
ADHD prevents us from the taking the first step.
A) Get the facts, analyze the facts, draw a conclusion, test conclusion, draw decision tree.
Every small step in A) requires a Top to Bottom attention function. Top to bottom means I must make the decision to call up attention resources. Attention resources are skills learned early in life and continue expanding until we drop. Attention skills become progressing automatic for everyone without ADHD. No child is aware of the attention skills learning process. Good parents such as yourself are trying hard to teach the attention skills. Teaching the child how to behave is how you are teaching attention skills. Everyone that posted added to your parenting an ADHD child skills.
Skills are developed through education, reflection, practice, outcome experience, begin iteration.
ADHD children grasp for the moment - course of conduct caused [result]. Brain cycling drops the thread almost instantly. The lesson isn't learned and the child can not reflect on the experience. As the child grows physically, his ability to progressively develop "self-talk" can remain years behind. We act like kids. Worse, stupid kids, ill mannered and irresponsible beyond comprehension.
The solution: Help your child develop the thinking patterns that children without ADHD develop. So easy to say. Very difficult to do. The assignment takes years of consistent practice using teaching skills that utilize and build on your child's MO. We have some ADHD caused advantages that easily can put us on top of the heap. The advantages have to be recognized and developed just like every other asset or talent or skill we naturally have. The best of the best musicians, for example, practice every day for hours. The natural potential is wasted until the person develops it.
Verucalise provided the absolutely best outline of how to raise an ADHD child.
Relate Verucalise methods to our ADHD stengths.
1. We interact well one-on-one. Verucalise guides her child by teaching him how to think. She doesn't rely on the methods that work well for children without ADHD.
Not-ADHD children learn through example and through the instructions of their parents. Parent example is the proof the child needs to believe their parents instructions. The child wants to do what is right. The guidelines given to children saves them from the horrible consequences that result from bad conduct. For example, no goodies until your homework is completed. If the child grows into adulthood without learning responsibility and the results produced by consistency, he'll max out either flipping burgers or in the slammer or shot dead by the dope dealer he doesn't pay.
Nothing new to you so far.
What doesn't work.
Set guideline, enforce consequences, consistency.
What does work.
Verucalise method. Set guideline. No goodies until homework is completed. Child fails to meet standard. He can't do his homework. He can't do it regardless of your teaching consistacy. He will never be able to do his homework on his own, until you walk him through the process many, many times.
People without ADHD have little consciouseness of life skills they use regularly.
1. Study materials on desk, organized, ready to go, before homework start time.
2. Begin Verucalise Therapy:
You: What are we going to learn this evening?
Boy: I don't know.
YOu: Hmn, lets see. Oh wow, I didn't know that if a hummingbird had the size of a human, he need 20,000 burgers (250,000 calories) a day to stay alive. Wow, they can flap their wings so fast, hummingbirds fly helicopters. A hummingbird can ever fly backwards. Holy Hell!! <-Delete
The boy will come on line. Point him to his bird textbook. Ask him to read next paragraph.
You: What do you think. Holy Hell mom, dats a crazy bird. If you don't delete, he will remember the evil for sure if nothing else.
So, interact with him with a view to teaching him the process of study. He'll get it. Then when boy doesn't do his homework, he gets no goodies. He screams hollers and curses like me. Sit the boy on the steps and ask him how he what's to be disciplined for screaming and hollering. He gets extra time for that second crime. Read more Verucalise.
10:00 AM - got to go. I'll be sick all day for my crime. I deserve it and WILL remember the consequences and won't do that again. For sure, I'll do something bad, but won't be from saying anything likely to be taken wrongly. Best practice: Do NOT say things likely to offend in any context. Too dangerous. People I love get hurt. That sucks and so do I.