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Old 09-24-2011, 11:30 PM   #1
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ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

I guess we can only blame so much on the way we were raised.
I wasn't forced to make my bed every day. So, needless to say, I married a man who likes to make the bed. LOL Anyway. Two of my four siblings are tidy! And they were the ones less disciplined!!
My point is...I am having sooo..much trouble keeping up with mundane everyday chores. I don't mind doing them. I delegate some as well. It's just seemingly never ending. I start things I don't finish. I need to organize family memory photo books. Regular books. Bank books. Fitness books. DVDS. Clothes. Hobbies. and I need to teach my three growing children by example how to do these things....BUT... I get SOOO overwhelmed and Frustrated...that it prevents me, at times from..either, starting or finishing...or somewhere in between. I'd rather play a board game or watch a video with them. I mentioned my concern to my Pdoc before and she didn't think it was ADD because I could concentrate on other things. Things I enjoyed doing? LOL? Should I go with that opinion? My Home has been clutter-y for as long as I can remember. longer than I've been a mom (15 yrs.) I don't hoard items or collect things needlessly. Its just keeping up with keeping things in their "places" The kids do age appropriate chores and should be doing more. Now I'm starting to feel depressed and passive. So...I love when Dad has a day off and everyone is home!! The house gets cleaned fast and everyone is happy! But that's like once a month....?! Really...he should come home to that every night? Guess I got to find it in me to get to it bit by bit.. I'm so glad he's so understanding

 
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Old 09-25-2011, 02:22 AM   #2
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

Hi

I agree that is not ADD, at all. You seem to just not know how to organize and manage time. And yes, it does matter when we didn't get raised that way. It means we have to learn to do something our parents didn't teach us, that's all. But think about the example your own children are getting. It seems you want to do better, and I believe organizing can be learned.

It can make a person overwhelmed to try to keep up with the messes of life, esp. with children in the home. Anyone can be overwhelmed with that. I think only some of us with OCD actually enjoy compulsively cleaning. The more agitated I am, the more I want to clean and tidy things. When I am relaxed, I want to do just something (anything) else.

I found myself spacing out and spinning my wheels and feeling like nothing was ever done and that I was accomplishing nothing. It's easy for a mom or stay at home wife to feel like this when dishes are never "done" and neither is anything else. There is always more to do!

I either saw some advice on TV, or read a book, I forget which, but I learned a simple way to turn my housework around so it always is "done", and I became able to take days "off" and then step back into the work schedule and not have the house fall to pieces. I always felt like i had my work done and that I was accomplishing something. It is really important for us and for children to know when time is our own. I think it is a real NEED to have times when we know are not going to be interrupted with demands on us, barring a true emergency. Children can learn to occupy themselves while mommy reads in another room; spans of time obviously depend on ages.

The trick is to list everything that needs done. Then divide it up on a schedule of days of the week. Obviously dishes need washed and food prepared every day. But you can schedule times when others can either do those things too, or help do them. As for changing and washing sheets, cleaning out closets and tidying drawers, doing mending, cleaning the bathrooms, shopping for necessities, and all of the other chores of running a household. you can schedule days of the week to do those things. Some things need done once a week, and others can be done once a month or once every two weeks, etc. You decide. And as you go, you can change the schedule to suit what is important for you and your family.

There are many books on suggestions on how to organize a room, too, such as getting some colorful and useful bins and boxes for sorting and storing items, etc. You can let the children choose bins and clothes hamper and such for their own rooms, which increases their sense of ownership over what needs done in their rooms.

I was amazed how when I only did what was on my schedule I had daily free time to pay attention to my children and my own needs. Best of all I felt like my work for the day was done, and within only two weeks time, my house was showing it consistently. If I needed to take time off for fun or an appointment or to be there for a friend, the house (and most importantly, I) didn't fall apart. It was still orderly, and I then resumed the schedule as I had outlined. The kids and I were more relaxed and I was not all stressed out about what I had not gotten done when hubbie came home. It really gave me a sense of peace and serenity.

Important: I did not change every bed on one day. I scheduled rooms to do, and kept things like straightening drawers and closets separate. That way housework was not overwhelming, and I did not try to do too much in one day. I could get bedding for two bedrooms changed and cleaned and clean two bathrooms in one day, for instance, plus straighten the kitchen and fix dinner, with no big stress. I did my work first, just like my husband got up and went to work. It left me with enough free time to shop, watch a movie, help the kids with homework, or read or whatever else I wanted to do.

I write in past tense because now the children are grown and it is just we adults. We both work, so we take responsibility for cleaning and preparing food for ourselves, and only do it for each other when we choose. But neither of us get concerned if the other one chooses not to cook, etc. We each clean what we notice needs done. If I don't want to clean the kitchen I leave it till I do or ask hubby if he will empty the dishwasher and put the dishes in. He will wash and dry his own clothes if he wants them clean and same with me (I don't want him taking care of my clothes anyway as he may dry something I didn't want in the dryer). We don't any longer need to be carrying the ball for the other person like when he earned the money and I mostly took care of the home and kids.

So, time changes things eventually. You can get organized, and before you know it time will fly and you will fill your time with other things.

You can do this if I could! I have every confidence in you. First things first; learn some things about organizing time for chores, and organizing rooms and drawers and closets, then make your work schedule. Gosh just figuring out a schedule gave me a huge feeling of relief!


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Old 09-25-2011, 09:53 AM   #3
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

A Pdoc told you that you don't have ADHD because you can concentrate on some things? Do you actually mean a psychiatrist?

Wow, he has no clue about ADHD. We can concentrate on tasks that are "self-fulfilling," that is, tasks that provide immediate positive feedback. Trouble organizing, trouble starting and trouble finishing things are all CLASSIC adult ADHD.

Now, Jill did give you good advice on getting things done. And for adults, treatment is as much behavioral as drug-based.

So:

1) See a shrink who didn't get his degree out of a crackerjack box

2) If diagnosed, get on meds that work

3) Get organized, develop systems that work

4) If diagnosed, watch for similar symptoms in your children.

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Old 09-28-2011, 04:46 AM   #4
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

Quote:
Originally Posted by janewhite1 View Post
A Pdoc told you that you don't have ADHD because you can concentrate on some things? Do you actually mean a psychiatrist?

Wow, he has no clue about ADHD. We can concentrate on tasks that are "self-fulfilling," that is, tasks that provide immediate positive feedback. Trouble organizing, trouble starting and trouble finishing things are all CLASSIC adult ADHD.

Now, Jill did give you good advice on getting things done. And for adults, treatment is as much behavioral as drug-based.

So:

1) See a shrink who didn't get his degree out of a crackerjack box

2) If diagnosed, get on meds that work

3) Get organized, develop systems that work

4) If diagnosed, watch for similar symptoms in your children.
Thank you for your post! I was seeing a "nurse" who specializes in anxiety/depression. I was seeing her for anxiety related to a chronic physical condition, accident related. But, I'm done with that. I just needed something to get me through the thick of it. During one of those meetings I had mentioned my concern of ADD and she brushed it off quickly. I guess, because I wasn't there for that? Sooo..I called to talk to a real pdoc and if it comes with a side of counseling sessions so be it! that would be fine by me.

All of what Jill wrote was very practical and true, as well. I LOVE making lists. I am a multitasker at heart. I just don't finish the tasks. I put (write) down too many tasks. Not sure what tasks to do first. Oh yeah, that's where I put that list! I have so many "safe" places I put important things! I can't find my postage stamps. Usually I am better oraganized if I'm working.
My home is still cluttery, but I'm more on the go and motivated.

This year is the first year I haven't consistently worked since I was 14yrs old. I'm 37. I lost two jobs this year. Both were not my fault. I can't say they were related to this. But! I did misplace something important of one of bosses once at my last job. That was tough to fess up to. I'm still looking for part-time work.

It seems now I have more time....the harder it is to ...face this issue. I get up every morning and exercise...that gets me moving.

Hoping to get an appointment soon. My aunt on my Mom's side said that a lot of our family has it.(ADD) Except no one is treated. ???? She gave me a couple examples and I can see how I am similar. Also, a friend of mine explained how she felt before and after her treatment. She can stay on task and it's ok with her. Wow. I tried to see her doc but he don't take my insurance.

Setting goals. Sharing chores. Setting days for chores. Being consistent. These things I can work on now. Keeping up with the everyday stuff the kids can do, while I peck away at the longer-term, like the front hallway. Lydia, 11yrs old sweeps the stairs all down the hall yesterday one day at a time *Sigh* relief*

Tonight is trash night! I love trash night because I can go through and get rid of "stuff". Clean out the fridge.(I do every week) clean off the top of the fridge....that's been on the list for 6 months!LOL ok end of post LOL

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Old 09-30-2011, 05:08 AM   #5
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

Until you can see a doctor or get other help, Plan:

Make a list of only three things to do every day.
Such as "clean out one drawer" (do not list things like 'making dinner').

Do those three things every day.
Avoid doing more than the list says.
Do not make lists of everything you would like to accomplish.

After you did the three things every day for a week or two, add one more thing to the list.

Take baby steps.
Keep these lists in view taped on the fridge or on your mirror.

 
Old 09-30-2011, 11:02 AM   #6
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

that's a good idea...but where should I start? sounds like a simple question....I can't start something I won't have time to finish. Perhaps I will try your idea but put one thing on the list to start out....


ok...deep breath...

Today I will clean out living room shelves of old VCR tapes and unwanted DVDs...old picture frames & etc....

how's that....**exhale**

btw***top of fridge never got done
did call for appointments again for counsel and pdoc
thanks for your help

 
Old 10-12-2011, 08:30 AM   #7
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

Just checking in...Got my appointment for counseling tomorrow. I asked for just plain old counseling to begin with. Although I am convinced in my own mind that medication would perhaps be the missing link to my brain function. I figured I would let them decide if I should see the pdoc. Should I be more assertive? We'll see how it goes...
I have been keeping a journal and plan to bring it with me so I don't forget...things

I have been reading "Change your brain, Change your life" by Daniel Amen
It makes a lot of sense and has been helping my point of view not to be so negative.

Anyone on Topamax?

 
Old 10-12-2011, 09:52 AM   #8
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

I do take Topomax, not sure where that will help you. That seems inappropriate. I take it for migraine prevention. It causes a euphoria in your brain. Its an anti-seizure. I'm sorry I agree with add-programmer. Everything he said is exactly how I had to raise my middle son. He is grown now and a lot better at it, but if he doesn't have a sequence it doesn't get completed. This can even be simple tasks. This is not something so simple to accomplish, everything has to have a rhyme and reason to it, or he doesn't function well.

Please keep us updated
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Old 10-12-2011, 10:46 AM   #9
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

Quote:
Originally Posted by iluv View Post
I do take Topomax, not sure where that will help you. That seems inappropriate. I take it for migraine prevention. It causes a euphoria in your brain. Its an anti-seizure. I'm sorry I agree with add-programmer. Everything he said is exactly how I had to raise my middle son. He is grown now and a lot better at it, but if he doesn't have a sequence it doesn't get completed. This can even be simple tasks. This is not something so simple to accomplish, everything has to have a rhyme and reason to it, or he doesn't function well.

Please keep us updated
ADDPROGRAMMER has good ideas but I don't think I'm able to process them yet...it was a little overwhelming
I have been taking Topamax for 10 months and I was wondering if it could make ADHD, untreated, symptoms worse. I miss-place things a lot. So much that I have to buy them again, lately. I can't tell if it's because I'm trying harder that I notice these things or I'm not trying hard enough? I can't say the Topamax is making these things happen. I just don't know what the counselor will say about the med being a factor. I say, personally, it has little to do with the symptoms if at all. Just some absentmindedness (maybe?( Topamax used to make me really angry )Just wondering what ever is blocking the headaches is blocking my ability to keep up with the mundane?
But, Topamax, has nothing to do with my chronic lateness or unfinished projects....
Today, I couldn't even change my clothes without getting distracted 3 times to do something else...because no one else was home...I could do that...LOL

One thing at a time....one thought..one moment..one breath..

Last edited by LessStress38; 10-12-2011 at 11:11 AM.

 
Old 10-12-2011, 11:12 AM   #10
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

I have been taking Topomax along with several other medications, but in the morning that is usually the one I take seperate from all of the others. I don't have that type of effect. I take a lot of meds. Xanax, Nortriptyline, Dilantin, Norco, Imitrex asneeded and I give myself injections of Betaseron. The Betaseron and Dilantin are new. I am positive that if you look at adprogrammers posts and you can when you click on his name, he is very intellectual about this. He really has great ways of breaking all of this down. Two of my sons were ADD, only one was just off the charts. Like I said though, just break things down to each step. There is no way I could tell him to clean his room or make his bed. I had to break each step down. A lot of times it just didn't get done, it was so hard and time consuming for him to complete a task that his brothers helped him and I never made his brothers share a room with him to bear those responsibilities. Just because your an Adult doesn't mean you can't be ADD. I worked with a 60 year old man that was ADD. There was no slowing him down and what a trip. So it does take time. As you write down each task and how each task has to be completed step by step, you will get better at that task. Soon you will be able to complete those tasks faster because you grooved them into your brain one step at a time. Trust me it works.
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Old 10-15-2011, 10:20 AM   #11
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

I had my counselor appointment. He thinks I should see the same pdoc I saw for my previous concern. (with anxiety) At least he concurs that it seems I have a valid reason to seek medical attention. I'm rather passive and don't want to appear "crazy" so I wanted the professional opinion of a counselor first. Meanwhile, I am trying not to over-focus on what I'm not focused on. Lately, it's my impulsiveness that I am trying to combat. I need to wait, stop, think. Practice, repeat. Everything is such in a hurry these days. I need to plan ahead and follow through. UGH...Today, I am going to visit my Dad, I haven't seen him in two weeks. We will be there for 5hrs...that's a nice relaxing time to watch t.v and play cribbage while the kids play with the cats. We will probably order food. I did plan to cook. But, now I am overwhelmed...ugh...we'll see

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Old 10-15-2011, 11:21 AM   #12
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

Hey Stressless glad you are goin to the same doc. At least they have some history on you to work with. I'm going to tell you a story about impulssiveness. Maybe after reading it, each time you feel that coming on you will have a little hint in your mind that will haelp you step back and slow down just a little.
Remember I said I had one son that was totally on the other side of the spectrum. Well lets just say if he was to climb on the roof and decide to jump he would, and no the thought of "oh I might break my leg" would NEVER come into his mind.
Well about a month before his 19th birthday he got into an arguement with his little brother and decided to punch the house door window out of his older brother's house. Well, the glass cut his arm to the bone about a 1/2 inch below his elbow and all the way up his bi-cep. So first we weren't even sure if he would live due to massive blood loss. (They gave him 7 liters). Then not sure if he would keep his arm, then if it would work at all, then if he would have any feeling. The end result is he has one very mangled arm with minimal use and limited feeling. So after you watch him struggle trying to fix a meal you also have to watch him almost burn his hand off because he can't feel it burning when he lays it on a hot eye trying to fix his plate.
I told you this story 1 because it's true and 2 because you actually understand that you have these issues and want to face them and correct them. My son knows he has these issues and still to this day and he's 22 now, thinks he can handle it. Still he loses his temper and still punches things. Still has issues with completing tasks. Yet he chooses not to seek medical attention for it. So pat yourself on the back and give yourself some credit for trying so hard to get it right.
Have fun at your Dad's and enjoy your day, let us know how your next appointment goes.
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Old 10-15-2011, 06:39 PM   #13
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

Wow, thank you for sharing. that was quite an ordeal...(I think I held my breath the whole while reading it)...I can't imagine how you must've felt.
My Dad's went well. I decided to half cook and half order out..Lol..We just got home and thought I'd check my email before heading to bed.
Thanks for the pep talk. I needed it.

(and addprogrammers support as well !)

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Old 10-15-2011, 09:45 PM   #14
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

I have found out that addprogrammer is quite the intellect. Hes very willing to help. I usually don't talk about the personals of the children, but I really thought you needed to know how well you really were doing. As far as me going through it, I don't know how to express it. I guess when your confronted with something like that you just have to handle it. When I showed up that day, afew minutes after it happened my oldest had his arm wrapped and had already tried to stop the bleeding. It was just amazing and terrifying at the same time. When he and I switched out he just started shooting blood everywhere again. I can't even imagine what they were looking at when it first happened. Just knowing that they knew what to do was just incredible. (give it up for mom, they learned something from me LOL). Rescue showed and really didn't realize how bad it was. My sons eyes changed color from hazel to blonde, it took everything I had to keep him talking to me til they got there. When they saw it, they to almost freaked out. I mean the whole ordeal was just surreal, almost like a dream and it wasn't really happening. He was in the hospital for a month. But like I said, even now he hasn't changed and acts like he doesn't have an issue. So you have accomplished a lot. So please just keep posting with updates so we know how your doing. Even if it's just a bad day and you need to vent OK
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Old 10-28-2011, 06:10 AM   #15
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Re: ADD? Depression? Anxiety? Stress? repeat

Monday is my appointment...I think I'm ready. I went and got my high school records. I was hoping they had my attendance but nope. It should be evident enough my grades were so sporadic. I went 9th, 10th, 10th, 12th cramming all I could into my senior year so I could graduate. I'm sure my mom may have ADD (actually my mom has a low thyroid problem, but still, shes been medicated for it for years and she is still slow, she can be ready an hour early for something and still show up 10min late unless her husband is holding her hand, he's always early ) and two of my aunts may have ADD(one will admit it) have it undiagnosed and a first cousin that is the child of one that is diagnosed. So it is in my family and I'm sure in my childhood. I was always tardy for school and untidy, teachers said I daydream, bored, didn't finish college, no clear goal. I always did good on tests but late on homework, messy desk. In highschool I got sick of being late so I would start to skip. I always worked. Since I was 11, I had paper routes...remember those? Fast food place I worked for three months and I was suppose to get a raise...I quit because I didn't..the next check I got it..too late I quit..?I didn't wait a week to see..oh well I moved out when I was 18...back home when I was 19 got a car when I was 20 ....moved out when I was 22...had a baby when I was 23 got married when I was 25....such is life...Now..third child is 8 and I just want to clean my house...maybe go back to school?
I hope Monday's appointment goes well...I am just afraid she will tell me I don't have a problem...ok then I can just continue to suffer through the piles of stuff I need to sort through and add to them more things to file along with the ....ugh I'm feeling crazy with the thought of getting no relief.....I have been keeping up with some mundane tasks which has been keeping me afloat. I got the top of the fridge done I put the plants from the front porch up on the fridge. ahh..plants.. I hung fresh curtains on the front porch yes that made me sooo happy so I have been celebrating small victories.

Last edited by LessStress38; 10-28-2011 at 06:13 AM.

 
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