I'm so glad I found this board!!! - ADD / ADHD Message Board

rhilliard · 09-14-2003, 07:56 AM

I have two sons ages 7 and 9. One is ADD & one is ADHD. They were both diagnosed a little over a year ago. When my children began taking Adderall, I had no support whatsoever. The psychiatrist who diagnosed them offered no help, suggestions, or any idea what to expect or how to handle situations. Our pediatrician is wonderful but even he didn't offer that much help. There are no local support groups for parents of ADD/ADHD children. I was totally lost, and I've been "winging" it all along. I have been scrambling ever since trying to find SOME kind of resource just like this forum where I could discuss my situations with others and maybe get suggestions on what to do in certain circumstances or just help in general with side effects, etc. Until today, I have not really been successful in finding what I wanted. Believe me, I'm going to wear this board out now that I know about it! Thanks for being here!

Rebecca

LuvMyLilDoggie · 09-15-2003, 08:40 AM

Welcome, newby! You're in the right spot. We're all trying to cope as best we can with similar situations. My son (14) is ADD w/LD. Honestly, with two young children with attention deficit disorders, you have a long hard battle ahead of you. Just keep in mind, it CAN be done. Your children can grow up to be happy, healthy, well adjusted adults.
Can you tell me at what age your children were diagnosed and what, if any, medication they are taking for it?
You've been checking out the internet. Keep doing searches. Try all the search engines you can think of. I thought for a long time there was nothing in my area to help us. It took me a while but I found a place that taught us how to handle the school system. That really was great for us. I learned a lot of things about parents rights and things that the school systems are required to do for those with disabilities. You'd be surprised how much I had to push for those things that are "required" of them to do! Keep searching and let me know how it goes.
Barb

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"Life, for all its agonies...is exciting and beautiful, amusing and artful and endearing... and whatever is to come after it-we shall not have this life again."

rhilliard · 09-15-2003, 10:38 AM

Thanks Barb. Everyone's support means alot. My children were 5 and 7 when they were diagnosed. My youngest has hyperactive tendencies, while my older son is hugely inattentive. They both began a regimen of Adderall, and topped out at 30mg/25mg respectively. This past summer, we switched to Adderall XR and we've been able to lower their dosages to 20/25 respectively, which is great because the less meds they have to take, the happier I am. Unfortunately for my older son, I never realized that there was more than one type of ADD. I thought ALL ADD children were hyperactive, and that just wasn't the case with Andrew. He was very well behaved, not overly energetic (lethargic in fact), and never got into any kind of trouble. By the time he hit second grade, our lives were a nightmare. I spent 3-4 hours every night on homework that should have taken 30 minutes. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I kept getting notes from the teacher that spent too much time daydreaming. We KNEW what the problem was with my younger son, but we didn't want to medicate him any sooner than we had to. When he was ready for kindergarden, we began seeing a pshychologist(psychiatrist?), and my husband decided to have BOTH children evaluated. I'm so thankful that he did, because things have been so much better since. I don'thave to be afraid to take my kids to the grocery with me anymore! lol My only regret is that we didn't know about my oldest son sooner. I was angry for a long time, because as it turned out, his second grade teacher has a son who is also ADD/inattentive, but because of the regulations placed on school personnel, she could not mention it because the school system is worried about lawsuits. She knew exactly what was wrong with him, and couldn't tell me for fear of being sued. My mother-in-law teaches at the same school, and my son's teacher couldn't even mention it to her for the same reason. I think all of that is ridiculous. If a child needs help and you know why, who would sue over a suggestion that a child be evaluated? My God. I spent the first three years of my son's elementary education constantly feeling like I was a terrible mother, that my son hated me because I was constantly riding him about his homework, telling him to try harder, accusing him of not telling me the truth when he said he forgot something, etc. etc. Now, I'm having to spend a great deal of time trying to repair the damage I've done, and let me tell ya--it ain't easy. I don't know if my older son & I will ever share the same relationship as I do with my younger child, simply because I never had to go through as much drama with him because we caught it so much earlier. With my husband's help, God's help, and good therapist though, we're making progress.

Sorry to have rambled on and on. I just get really emotional about all of this, as I'm sure we all do.

Thanks Again.

Rebecca

LuvMyLilDoggie · 09-15-2003, 11:50 AM

First of all, don't beat yourself up for what you didn't know. My son is also ADD/inattentive and I understand COMPLETELY how you feel. My son is a very good kid and he isn't running around being hyper like most people who don't understand thid think ADD kids are.
Second, his school tried pulling the "didn't say anything because of a possible lawsuit" thing. Believe me, that's a common copout of theirs. Many of the teachers believe that because that's what they are told by their superiors. So they think that's true. It is true that teachers cannot say they think your child has ADD or anything else. But what they CAN do is bring it up to their superiors. In that case, they would have some paper proof (the student's work) along with the teacher's observations for evaluation. If it's determined that there is a possible problem, they (pricipal or other authority) are supposed to contact the parents and arrange for some sort of meeting. There, they lay out the facts and their observations and ask the parents questions about what the see at home. Then they can suggest to the parents that they get their child evaluated. They may also bring another person in on this such as a social worker at school. They should be more worried about getting sued for not saying anything.
I don't know the laws in your state but there are federally mandated laws regarding your children's education. Please, look it up anywhere you can. That school was giving you the run around. I had to learn the hard way that you have to be your children's strongest advocate. And remember this, from one mom to another, a mother's instinct is never too far off beat. In other words, if you suspect something is not right, it probably isn't. GO GET "EM!
Barb

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"Life, for all its agonies...is exciting and beautiful, amusing and artful and endearing... and whatever is to come after it-we shall not have this life again."