Ever since I was in grade school i have had troubles with focusing and getting my school work and chores done. I managed to never fail a grade only because i could absorb the information and could take the test. My parents and teachers used to ask "your so smart but why are you so lazy?" I couldn't ever figure it out! i tried, i really did but school work and chores would literally bore me to tears. If i liked what it was i was doing i could get it accomplished very quickly, unfortunately there isn't a whole lot out there that keeps my interests.
So 4 years ago i got married and roughly 2 years ago I self diagnosed myself with ADHD. About 8 months ago I decided to bite the bullet and go to my doctor (I hate going to the doctor I sometimes like to believe I am superwoman and can fix myself). She confirmed what I already knew and prescribed my Concerta. It explained a lot for me, and my husband was able to actually understand why i had a hard time focusing, accomplishing task, and why i would unintentionally interrupt him. After the first few weeks of testing it out and reaching a maximum of 60 Mg she switched me to Adderall. So far it works great except I still struggle getting the things I need to get done, done. Like say for instance right now I should be cleaning but can't seem to get it together to get it done... Again I try I really do but the mundane-ness of cleaning sucks so much it almost hurts! I have been going through this never ending yo-yo of "okay for real, today I will clean (or do my homework or read that book." you get the picture).
What my questions are;
what other ways, other than the medicine, can i keep myself focused? And
how do i get my husband to understand I'm really not trying to be a lazy a$$, i really am struggling, and do try? He seems to think that as long as i take the Adderall i shouldn't have a hard time, which isn't true. I mean he sometimes even talks dumb to me thinking it will stick in my head..
any help is greatly appreciated
Last edited by bessyboo212; 04-26-2012 at 04:13 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to bessyboo212 For This Useful Post: smlltwngrl3 (06-12-2012)
The only other way I'm aware of to help keep one's focus is through psychotherapy. But I don't really know how that will work when the brain has its own agenda, shooting off in all directions at once. My own experience with psychotherapy was fairly good while I was in the office, but once I left I forgot it all. He'd go to great efforts to explain wonderful psychological theories to me until my eyes would literally glaze over so the rest of it would not get through. I sometimes thought he would forget what having the ADHD mind meant. So, I made notes, but I couldn't make sense of the notes later.
Your husband needs to educate himself about ADHD before he can understand what's going on with you. Perhaps once he's done that he can help to coach you.
I have no experience with with medications because I can't take them, but I've read here that it can be very hard to find one that will work properly for each person.
I'm sorry I can't help you more. Maybe someone else can add more.
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Wootton For This Useful Post: bessyboo212 (04-28-2012), blondae1 (05-19-2012)
In retrospect, I was recycling anxiety-depression-ADHD over and over. I wasn't dealing with just ADHD. Medication and talk therapy helped me to put into context my situation. I let go of the idea of being cured and learned to cope better instead.
I have a friend who swears by acupuncture and another friend who gets along well being a devout Catholic. I needed a scientific explanation and decided on western medicine. I just knew I had to start somewhere.
Drug treatment is the first step in dealing with ADHD, it's definitely not the end of the process. You will always have this condition.
The next thing is to start learning techniques to help you get organized and accomplish things. A "coach" can help. ADHD coaching isn't exactly counseling, it's more of a teaching relationship. A good coach understands the challenges of ADHD and has practical hints to get through it. I saw one in college, right after I was diagnosed, and I'm now seeing one again. It's helping.
The Following User Says Thank You to janewhite1 For This Useful Post: bessyboo212 (04-30-2012)
I too have always been a "fixer". I'd be having a fight with a girlfriend or someone and have this deep uncontrollable desire to FIX-IT-RIGHT-NOW-SO-WE-CAN-MOVE-ON.
This fix-it attitude applies to myself too. I hate the doctor. I think it is over-estimated and I always downplay whatever is going on (including my avoidance of getting diagnosed with ADHD). I finally came to the conclusion that what I was trying to do to "fix" myself/my actions wasn't working so I got diagnosed professionally, got the ball rolling on medication, and also on therapy.
My therapist explained that it is like being a car with the engine in the back seat. All of the parts are there they just can't work together. You can push the car with all your might but you can only get it going so fast. And even if you do get all your friends together to push, eventually the car is moving so fast that no one can keep up. You are left as a careening out-of-control car. The therapist is how I am attempting to transform from a car into a train. As a train, I am on tracks that keep me in line. As long as I am a train, I will continue to stay on track. Eventually (hopefully) being a train will be as natural and habitual to me as being a car once was, and I won't need my therapist as the conductor anymore; I will be able to run on auto-pilot (or auto-conductor?). :-)
My friend (an alcoholic) gave me great advice the other day too. He said that having an issue like this is very much like being legless. It doesn't matter how hard you try, your legs (and capabilities of having them) are NEVER going to grow back. You have to realize this in order to learn that you will forever be adapting and coping with your leglessness. There will be innovations, ideas, studies, and who knows what other things to help people grow and adapt further, yes, but your legs are not coming back. It will be a life-long journey of self-discovery and adaptation.
I am brand new on my journey, but the few people who either have similar issues, or actually understand (or seem to understand) what is happening have been fantastic in the last 64 days (since my diagnosis). I am by no means any sort of expert, but I am learning some things quickly. Repetition has been my biggest aid. Having my ADHD on my mind 24/7 has been the biggest help of all.
And now that I've been sitting here adding to this for around a half hour, I realize that I'm not totally sure I'm addressing the real topic of the thread... Hmmm.... Told you I'm ADHD, and I'm definitely not good at managing it yet. But I have good starting points. :-)
The following user gives a hug of support to J10: Wootton (05-01-2012)
ADHD isn't fixed with medication. Medication is really just a bandaid to help you function. It does not cure it. One symptom is lack of organization. Most ADHD patients also can't multi-task. So you have to set yourself up to accomplish small tasks at a time. Do not expect to clean the entire house in one shot. Have your husband read up on it. It's an eye opener. Perhaps a psychologist who specializes in it can help both of you.
Well, the advise that everyone else has given you (especially being organized) is definitely they key factors you want to consider when dealing with a lack of focus. I've struggled with my ADHD in terms of drive and focus ever since middle school, so I understand it can be hard to work and explain these issues to others.
Over the years though I learned that if you can figure out how to self-motivate yourself, that can help too. Obliviously, many things in life are going to bore you, and complications like ADD/ADHD only make that worse. Try and find some form of motivation in those areas, or perhaps add motivation of your own. Like you could incorporate a positive reward for yourself after getting A, B, C, and D accomplished in a timely manner.
A second thing to consider would be your level of positivity. Developing a positive attitude/find positive things in all areas is key (especially in things you lose focus in).
Finding something that you like to do, or simply adding something that you like into your daily schedule can do wonders in this area. Staying positive and remembering why you are doing said task will help keep you focused and driven in all those boring areas.
The realities of these issues can be tough to deal with, but they can be managed. Hopefully all the advise you've been given can help you move upward in these areas. Best of luck to you!
Sorry you're having a tough time. I sure know how you feel. Being a mom/housewife is not the best "career" for us ADD'ers. I can't stand being bored, and well, housework is mind-numbing. I've been reading a lot of books lately (yes, I read when I should be cooking/cleaning/paying bills), and I like these two a lot, so far: ADD-Friendly ways to Organize Your Life and The Gift of Adult ADD. A big thing too, I think, is to really give yourself a break. Kids grow up, and the house will be clean. You will have all day to pursue creative, interesting and stimulating projects. Chin up!
Ive got ADHD, yes the meds help greatly! But there are those few things that still need to be done in your daily life. The best way I found to help with this is, the day before the usual needs to be have your husband make a short list of things that need to be done. Or you can write it yourself, make a few copies of it and post them in places where you see them before you sleep and first thing when you wake up. It helps alot! Its more of a trick to play on your own brain!! try it out and see what happens.