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Old 06-12-2012, 01:33 PM   #1
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Stressed, depressed, ADD mommy help

I have been on anti deppressants on and off and have just started taking vyvanse for ADD PI , I am the lazy ADDer... my thyroid has been checked and DR. says all blood work is normal any way when I was a young single mom I went to school online but couldn't focus so I dropped out. got a decent job. found AMAZING man who is great with kids, tons in common with me, married... got layed off .. got preg .. been a SAHM for four years...

years later someone suggested my child may have ADD so I looked into it.. and wow... if I took away all the symptoms of inattentive ADD away I don't know who the hell I am .... after finding a DR. who would listen to me I am on vyvance 30mg.

The first few days were wonderful .. I could think and I called and fixed paperwork stuff that I should have done months ago... house got cleaned.. (clean but still needed decluttering and organized) although I never did get around to the two closets full of dirty laundry... but I thought finally I will have the energy and focus to clean my house and be the parent I want to be... I got sick for a few days and my house is as bad as ever.. I am ****** that all my work was for nothing .. my kids are 10 8 and 3.
My pills aren't giving me as big of a boost as they were the first week and I feel like I am fighting an uphill battle .. if I take one day off I am again months behind. All my life the only thing I wanted was to be MRS. betty freaking crocker, have kids and take care of my hubby... clean my house and live like its mayberry.. but now after being home and drowning in the chaos and lonleyness I just dunno anymore.. I LOVE my kids... they are the reason I fixed my life... they are beautiful and smart ! but all I can think latley is how easy all my family members have it with no kids... or a kid they don't have cutody of... their homes are clean and they have soo much free time to come over and critisize me. they don't struggle finacially... they go out all the time and do two loads of laundry a week ... I start to think about how easy life could be.. then I remember.. I would have been a drunk druggie loser if I hadn't gotten pregnant. and I love my kids more than a big bank account or sleep or free time and whatever else..I just wish I had the energy to run my house...

I want to be the mother and wife my family deserves.. what can I do! his family makes snide comments when they visit as does mine. I feel like everyone thinks inlcuding him and myself a lil... that he works hard ... pays all the bills and I take advantage and am lazy and useless... I want to clean and play with kids and feel smart enough to go back to college ... and we need the money so I want my decent job back... but no luck finding a job the past 9 months and I am getting really angry and depressed and feeling like I am the only choatic mess of a human being.... I just want to never get out of my bed.. if left home alone i can sleep two days away..
I am googling motivation and ADD and messy house help... I am lost.

Sorry this was so long...

 
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Old 06-12-2012, 03:18 PM   #2
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Re: Stressed, depressed, ADD mommy help

Hey,

Glad you got diagnosed. Unfortunately, drug treatment is only the first step. Next, you need to LEARN the organizational skills that you haven't been able to learn so far.

Can you find either a professional organizer, or an ADHD coach? A coach is not the same as a counselor or therapist. A therapist helps you deal with emotional issues, and that is valuable sometimes, but a coach aims to teach you how to accomplish the things you want to do, such as organizing the house. You'll need someone who understands ADHD, someone who doesn't judge you, but instead wants to help you.

Your older children should also be part of this organizing process, especially if they might have ADHD. It would be very good for them to learn those skills now, from someone who understands the challenges of ADHD.

Last edited by Administrator; 06-14-2012 at 02:50 PM.

 
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smlltwngrl3 (06-12-2012)
Old 06-12-2012, 05:32 PM   #3
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Re: Stressed, depressed, ADD mommy help

Thanks for your post... I currently do not have the financial ability to pay for a coach or therapist... it was work to afford the Dr. and medicine.. I have been googling articles and whatever I can find to try and change my behaviors. I am trying flylady... but I am not so sure her methods are enough to help with three kids and a verry messy husband on top of my own downfalls.
I think finances are a second teir to the issues all the articles say to get out of the house... join a group... but I live out in the country and can't afford the gas in our suv let alone some kind of membership...

I am not always this down... its just been a rough couple of months so its worse than usual.
Thank you again for your help.

Last edited by smlltwngrl3; 06-12-2012 at 05:34 PM.

 
Old 06-12-2012, 06:37 PM   #4
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Re: Stressed, depressed, ADD mommy help

Most of the in-person and online support groups are free, through organizations such as Children and Adults with ADD. Of course, you'd probably have to drive to the nearest decent-sized city to find one! Still, even if you don't have the time or gas money to attend regularly, just one or two meetings could be helpful.

I strongly recommend reading some books. "You mean I'm Not Lazy Crazy or Stupid" is probably the earliest decent piece of writing about ADD in women, and it's still a classic. (When we were growing up, of course, only boys could be hyperactive, not girls and certainly not adults!) There are other good books out there, too. You might be able to get them for free, possibly through interlibrary loan at your local library.

Here's another thought. A coach doesn't necessarily have to be a professional making $200 per hour. Do you have a friend or neighbor who really understands how to organize things? Someone who might be able to help you in exchange for some other favor, such as watching her children for a while, or making something or whatever.

The most important criteria for a coach are:

1) Not a family member or someone else who is too personally invested in your success. (I tried to coach my ex, we told ourselves that we knew the pitfalls and would avoid them. Yeah, fell in anyway, one major reason he's EX.)

2) Someone who understands ADHD, or at least is willing to learn. You can't get useful coaching from someone who, say, thinks that it's deliberate and malicious when you forget to do something.

3) Someone who understands organization and time management. Yep, that's only number 3.

 
Old 06-13-2012, 04:51 PM   #5
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Re: Stressed, depressed, ADD mommy help

Thank you so much I had always assumed it would be very costley for anything like that. And I didn't really think about there being groups,.... (slapping forehead) I am so grateful you took the time to give me this advice, I am feeling a lil more hopeful already.

 
Old 06-18-2012, 01:34 PM   #6
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Re: Stressed, depressed, ADD mommy help

Thanks for posting. It somehow makes me feel better that I'm not alone. I live in the country also, and have found it really challenging to get any help for anything. The doctor I get my medicine from barely talks to me, and I only go once every 3 months (no insurance). I'm recently divorced, have 3 kids and am unemployed. So, your post really touched me. I know how frustrating is to not be that person you want to be. I suffer from depression along with the ADD, and a lot of guilt. I sure hope you can find some support.

 
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