Should we settle for B's and C's?? - ADD / ADHD Message Board

LLinder · 09-12-2003, 10:51 AM

We have discovered that with the right accommodations at school our 8 yr old can get A's and B's. These acommodations include sitting in a study carol to take tests and having his tests given verbally. The teacher seems reluctant to do this and says he's doing fine without the accommodations (B's and C's). I am thinking we need to give him every opportunity to do his absolute best - he has shown that he can!! Am I being overbearing by pushing the issue with his teacher??

We have stressed that the most important thing is that he do the best he can, not the grades he gets. But when push comes to shove, getting on the honor roll sure is nice and it makes him feel great.

Any thoughts are welcomed.

WildAngel · 09-12-2003, 11:27 AM

To be honest when I first read the title of your post "should we settle for B's and C's" I was thinking hell yes, not every child does good in school ADD or not. Some parents push their children too hard in school. Then I read the whole post and thought about it. The thing is, B's and C's arent bad. Many NORMAL kids get C's thats why its "average" If your son only does not have very severe adhd or learning disabilities along with it then does he really need accomodations?? It sounds like he is in the normal range of how well hes doing at school. My little brother gets NO accomodations and neither did I. I did great and my brother is doing good also. There are probably 10 other kids in your sons classroom who if given the accomodations you want for your son could also get A's and B's but are now getting B's and C's. So why should your son be allowed to have those accomodations but not his classmates?? If his ADHD was severe enough to need those accomodations I doubt his teacher would deny him of them and I doubt he would be getting B's and C's. He needs to learn how to take a test in a regular class setting. When he's older and has to take a test nobody is going to read it to him. But then theres the fact that he's just a little guy...8 years old, and getting good grades makes him happy. Well thats important definantly. I think you first need to sit down and have a talk with your son. Ask him if he would like to have those accomodations. If he says yes make a compramise with the teacher. Have your son first take the test the regular way, then if he scores badly ask that he have a chance to re-test orally. This will give him the chance to learn and thrive without accomodations while being there with accomodations if and only if he needs them. Obviously your son is intelligent and doesnt need these accomodations made all the time. Many children with ADD/ADHD get no accomodations at all unless they are very severe and many normal children earn B's and C's in school. Please think about what I said and remember compramise is the key. (P.S. Dont put any pressure on your son about his grades)

rainonwindow · 09-12-2003, 10:58 PM

Don't worry about being overbearing with the teacher. You are doing what a good parent does - looking after the best interests of your child. I think it is very important to give your child the best opportunity to succeed. Tests are - after all - supposed to measure what a child knows. If you child has ADD and needs these accomodations to demonstate what he has learned, then he certainly should have them. There is a big difference between A's & B's and B's & C's. Having him take tests under circumstances that allow him to show his knowledge and abilities is far better for his self-esteem, then having him drag along under the theory that life should simply be toughed out.

A child that is allowed to excell will have a different self-image than one who is constantly frustrated because he is trying extra hard with minimal resuls - and yet at the same time is probably aware that other kids aren't trying as hard and yet somehow as if by magic, they do better on their tests.

When he is an adult, he will learn to advocate for himself but right now he needs you to do it for him. You are in a good position to show him this advocacy. Get him the accomodations he needs to show what he is capable of. He will test better, learn better, have better self-esteem and when he gets older and thinks about choosing a career - he will feel more competent to do something challenging. He will be able to get accomodations is high school and in college. If he is like most people with ADD, the learning will be the most challenging part and once he has the job skills, he will perform well.

You are concerned with being overbearing with the teacher. Your child is entitled to these accomodations. To politely insist on what is best for your child is not overbearing. You wouldn't say:...."I am not going to give my child glasses because his vision is only a little bit bad and there are probably many other children with undiagnosed bad vision so therefor I am going to let him squint at the blackboard like the undiagnosed bad-vision children and if his grades are worse because of it, he is just going to have to learn to deal with it because squinting and performing poorly builds character and teaches you about the 'real' world."

[This message has been edited by rainonwindow (edited 09-13-2003).]

cymomtx · 09-13-2003, 07:15 AM

My son is now in 7th grade, when he was in fourth grade he had a teacher that I battled from the 3rd week of school. NEVER again will I let a teacher not give my son all the opportunities he deserves. Do not settle for C's if he is capable of higher with accomadations.

He has the right to receive accomadations!!

jboon · 09-13-2003, 07:57 PM

I have very mixed feelings about accommodations. My son is entitled to twenty-some hours of special ed services per week (he just started 6th grade). He has a 120+ IQ, but has ADHD and a receptive language disability. He is in all grade level inclusion classes and is entitled to various accommodations. However, I do wonder if he'll ever learn effective-enough coping strategies as long as modifications are made for him. Once he's out of school, no one will care that he's ADHD, unorganized, can't follow multi-step oral directions, and has a rotten short term memory. He needs to learn and practice ways to cope with these issues and find ways to be successful in these situations. If he's not held accountable for the consequences resulting from poor patterns in these areas, I wonder how he'll become a successful adult.