I read so many amazing stories how people find a quiet space in their brain and allows them to do amazing productive things, like read a book! I am so disappointed I'm not finding that space at all... I'm feeling foggy brained, hazy, like I'm not quite there, not quite aware of what's going on around me. And I have a slight anxiety feeling, a little bit of the chest pain, AND i've been eating more than I did when I was on Concerta - which in the end seemed to be the only major benefit on Concerta. (I still need to loose 30 lbs)
However, when I first started Ritalin, I had about a month of effectiveness - although I was complaining about the ups and downs from the fast acting ritalin - it seemed to wear off on my after approx 2-2.5 hour!! So pDoc switched me to Concerta and we went as high as 54 mg. I did get a handle on my binge eating and felt a tad bit more in control over my impulses. BUT, that was not the end goal.
have a busy job where I need to be able to prioritize well - and I know I'm smart enough, but I just seem to hit this wall where my brain refuses to sort up the information - just shuts down instead. I get distracted VERY easily - if I see some dust on my desk I tend to start cleaning in the middle of entering job orders. So it takes me 5 times as long to complete anything I start. And God forbid it's a boring routine task - it will be procrastinated as long as possible, and in the end cause me anxiety. I finally had to get an assistant to enter the darn job orders!
So, I think it's fair to say that I do have ADD even though I am diagnosed late in life. I did do OK in school but I certainly had to try hard. I read everything over and over, had to rewrite the text in note books to remember etc. My advantage was that I was competitive so I was driven to find ways to do well on tests.
I'd say I do worse now with concentration than I ever did back then. I think I have self medicated with caffeine for many years, drinking way more than I should, feeling like there is no way I could survive without coffee!!
Anyhow, pDocs have tried me on just about anything - here's the long list, alphabetically, not in chronological order, or how they were combined:
> Adderall 40mg
Amitriptyline 10 mg (5/25/12)
Citalopram (Celexa) 40mg
> Clonezopam .25-.5mg
Effexor XR 300mg
Lamotrigine 25mg (Lamictal)
Paxil CR 37.5
> Prozac (Fluoxetine) 20mg, then 40mg
Trazodone up to 150mg
... phew... I feel hopeless just looking at the list. Every single one has either simply not worked at all, or had some harsh side-effects (such as being dumb as a rock on Topamax!
Of course, the pDoc or myself don't know if the depression is causing the inability to focus or if the inability to focus causes me stress and depression. It's the old 'chicken or the egg' scenario! We have tried Bipolar meds, mood stabilizers etc, with no success.
So, I went to see pDoc on Thursday (6/20) and she took me off Lithium (only 300 mg) and switched my Concerta to Adderall XR 20 or 40 mg, depending on if I felt first dose working at all. Which I didn't. So I tried 40 mg. Really no difference than from the 20 mg - I feel incredibly spacey, a bit like I'm in a bubble. I've been sitting thru seminars these last few days and I can't recall a thing that was said. I was fidgeting, obsessing over my iPad, looking at emails, going on Twitter; in other words very distracted.
What is going on? From everything I read about Adderall ppl usually have great first weeks on it, and it doesn't start acting up until later, either by not working, or by giving other side effects. PLEASE, if you have had this 'bubble' feeling from day one taking Adderall XR - tell me your story - I am dying to find some help with all this.
As for the other meds - I'm still depressed, moody, etc. Not even sure the 40 mg Prozac/Fluoxetine is helping either. Taking 20 mg Amitriptyline to decrease number of migraines/headaches I get per month. And then the Clonazepam when I need it... which has been more these last few days.
So, so grateful for some response - anything that can relate and spread some hope that I have not reached the end of all meds and will have to 'deal' with my life like this.
~Forever Catching Up!