Hi all.. I'm a 35yr old / 115lb / 5ft woman. As of 9/2012 I was diagnosed with adult ADD after being told for the last 16 yrs that it was severe depression and anxiety. I tried prob 30 different types of anti-depressants, benzos & multiple mood stabilizers.. All of these were to no avail.. I continued to progressively worsen year by year with the last year and a half I spent at an all time low. I always feel different and DEF knew I was not normal since I was a teen. I was constantly told I was too sensitive, overly emotional & impulsive.. I would fly into a rage of anger in a heart beat over the stupidest things, so bad to the point I have caused physical damage to property and harmed others in the process. Even spent a few different nights in jail or hospital due to getting so out of control. Not to mention I had a hard time being a single parent and holding down a job because I would get bored to quickly. I got so distraught because nothing was working for me. I started experimenting w MJ at 28 (first time I ever tried it) did that a few mths and then quit that and turned to alcohol to self Medicate.. The thing with alcohol is I never had to have it I just drank to not hurt yet was able to quit anytime; however, my dad saw how much and how often I was drinking and convinced me I had a problem. I started AA meetings and even spent a week in rehab (which did nothing for me because I knew I could quit at anytime) which I did later in life. I now only socially drink maybe 3beers max 2x a Mth at work happy hours.. Finally this September I met a wonderful therapist who I went to for marital issues.. We spent 45mins talking and when our session was almost over he mentioned the possibility that I had ADD which we would investigate further..I walked out of his office shaking my head and thinking he had no idea what he was talking about.. That night I mentioned this to my husband and kind of chuckled because in 35yrs ADD was something that had never once been mentioned by the multiple Drs I had seen for help and DEF something I Never once considered to be my problem. Well I started researching it and I swear it fit me to a tee. I was kind of shaken, upset, frustrated even excited that I had suffered so many painful years and finally I may have the underlying issue because I never really felt depressed more so misunderstood I guess, its a hard thing to explain..So I got tested I tested positive on 19 out if 20 sections.. WOW was all I could think.. Well I was started on 10mg IR Adderall BID my first script was a Corepharma generic.. I felt a little different at first but drastically different after two weeks. All in positive ways and had no side effects whatsoever.. I only felt like it just wasn't quite enough to get me thru the day. So my Dr changed me to 20mg IR Adderall BID.. this script was a Barr generic.. and honestly I am having more trouble focusing and do not feel it is working as well as the other generic. I called the pharmacy (Walgreens) and was told its all the same.. Well I am hear to say it VERY much is not and I don't know what to do now.. Does anyone have ideas for me??? sorry this was so long.. Thanks to all who reply for reading this thru..
first off... having paragraphs really helps on the eyes... and secondly, since I'm not quite sure what your question is, I can ounly provide general answers.
About meds: meds are great "tools" and not quick fixes... the won't fix your brain for you, but rater are there to show what a "normal brain" functions like as a reference for you to emulate. Don't rely soely on them, use them (and your "normal brain" state) to adjust your habits so you can function without meds.
If you do enough research, you will find there are different kinds of meds, all which treat different parts of the the numerous ADD symptoms. vyvase and dexedrine can help with "concentration" aspects. and adderral (for me at least) mitigated symptoms as a whole. Ritalin (which i took when i was in my childhood years) helped control the "impulsive" aspects, and all the others I forget how they affected me.
The problwm with meds is sometimes you get "tics" and loss of appetite, and also building up resistance over time. So, meds should be used as a tool, NOT A PERSONALITY FIXER! You cant expect to pop a pill in the morning and have a normal functioning brain.
About the depression: I find it MOSTLY stems from inadequencies felt from our lack of self-control or normacy. It is a battle against our inner-desires for a normal life. You just gotta learn ways to deal with it. which leads me to my next topic...
Addiction: Although you may THINK you did not have an addiction, you did. An addiction to "finding a sense of purpose". The problem most ppl with ADD face is that we aren't "forward thinkers" we live for the here-and-now. And this creates problems when we are forced to search for a path to the future.
For me, this is my main reason for MY depression. A sense of feeling "lost in space". And, as of yet, I have yet to find a solution to this feeling. The only advice I can give is to try new things, and make plans for the future.
But, back to the addicition problem. Personally, I am an easily addicted person. Anything that will allow me a an escape from reality, or anything that will take me away from having to think about the future, I am drawn to. I have played so many games: MMOs, RPG, horizontals. You name it, and a chunk of my life was probably dedicated to it.
I'm an "addiction hopper" I latch onto something i can get addicted to to, and when I lose interest, I find a "new host" to latch onto. If you are anything like me, I will assume you found something else to occupy your time other than drinking. Whether it be a bunch of friends you can hang out with, or something else you can spam to your hearts content.
Addressing your exerpt on your "rage". Personally, I have a high tolerance level, so I don't blow-up easily. But, when I do things can get very dark and scary. What I suggest is to sleep on it. Sleep, for a person with ADD, can act like a "reset button" that helps clear your mind. All emotions, anxieties, etc. can be cleared with even the shortest of naps. But, I also surmise your rage might stem from not enough control on the "impulsivity" aspect of the ADD condition, maybe try an ADD med that tackles that more so you can keep your cool in situations.
These are just some the things I can suggest for you to do, and if anything sounded like a personal attak on you, that was never my intention. GL with dealing with your ADD, you have s lot of catching up to do...
. . . and was told its all the same.. Well I am hear to say it VERY much is not and I don't know what to do now . . .
The active ingredient is the same, and this is why doctors and pharmacists insist that there won't be any difference. Unfortunately, there's no way to prove the subjective, but I can tell you that I have felt the difference between brand name and generic meds, and I have read many accounts of the same phenomenon.
Your best bet is to talk to your doctor and try to convince him to write you a scrip for the old medication, if indeed the scrip designates a manufacturer. If not, shop around for a pharmacy that carries the brand you prefer.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in June, 2012 at the tender age of 54! I quit drinking at 24 on a bet with my dad - that lasted almost 17years. However, I was just "dry". I didn't change; I was impatient, critcal, judgmental, a ticking time-bomb, hating myself and others. I flew off the handle and my dad who was 6'2" and over 250 lbs. was afraid of me at 5'6" 110 lbs and he walked on eggshells. I was hyper-sensitive. This is attributed to the addict in my. I did drink again and geot treatment after 8 months and almost dying (although I never blacked out or got drunk). Once I got sober, all those negative things I mentioned went away.
I still, however, could not finish things or focus. My friend suggested I get tested for ADHD. I scored a 16/20 and it took a month, but was put on Concerta. I became extremely fatigued...weas yawning in my daily yoga practice and found I struggled to finish (it is hot yoga, but very good for you). I finally got prescribed adderall and find my focus and mood are much more level.
I don't make judgments, but perhaps you may see something in my story that relates to yours. The 12 Steps of AA - I use my yoga practice today as my spiritual ground has grown immensely - can and should be used by everyone. The fact that I was the center of the universe and got extremely angry when things didn't go my way - was totally changed when I turned my will over. It's not about me.
The adderall has changed my focus and my life. I don't need any mood altaring substances or negative behaviors today like I did in the past.
Good luck - I wish you well.
Last edited by Administrator; 03-02-2013 at 11:02 AM.