ADD or ADHD
5 ft tall
Extremely boney and fragile
Attends Super Smart and Expensive High School through 95% Scholarship
Diagnosed Self with ADD/ADHD, Depression, Genius, Psychopathy, Insomnia
[INDENT][/INDENT]When I was young I was super smart, in part my dad
trained me with physical abuse and because I could retain it all. I always
hated learning stuff that I thought was boring and my dad says that I should
be train myself to love what I hate; writing, scheduling, and stuff that's really
easy but takes forever to do. I used to make lots of schedules when I was
young but I never followed them because I would feel depressed because I
always promised my dad I would follow the schedule. My dad stopped beating
me less and now he's nicer but gets really angry when I don't listen to him
even when he tells me repeatedly or if I get bad grades. I stopped caring
about school when I got a science award after moving to new city and all my
dad rewarded me with was a good job. Experienced extreme depression at
moving, seeing other people bullied, being friends with the bully, being bullied,
and being considered lazy by my peers and stupid at myself for getting a D in
a different subject even though it was much, much easier than my previous
school. I also moved into a smaller apartment. In a somewhat dangerous part
of town. People considered me smart because I skipped kindergarten and
could of skipped another grade. Only a few people know I could have skipped
another grade. After my second year in my new apartment I tormented my
brother. I got really angry and I made him stay under the bed and hit him with
a electrical plug. After he told on me no one believed him. I did that to him
once every year from then on but stopped two years ago. He was 6-7 and I
was 9-10. My parents believed in physical discipline until last year. We are
immigrants from Burma. The new school I went to was a black school, ghetto.
The people there were nice and it was a good place for me to start since I
was a jackass at the school I was at when I first moved. We moved during
the summer. I quickly learned to shut my mouth from that experience and
learned how to not judge people as much and be kinder. At my new ghetto
school I noticed that there was a fight once a month between two student
and that drug abuse and gangsters were in there. People were kind to me
since I was smart and because I created and innocent guise that I used. I
soon became respected in that school by all in my grade. I could then do
whatever I wanted no matter how loser-ish it was. I was quiet my first year
at that school though. My second year I started developing bad thoughts
about my teachers and started to earn some actual respect as an equal as an
experiment as to what would happen if people knew I wasn't so innocent. I
developed closer bonds with people, and I was happy for longer periods. :)
Then I moved again. :(
I moved to a school that had homeless kids and rich kids. I used my innocent
guise again but I was quicker to break out of it. there was not dress code in
this school so it was easier to see who was richer than others. I also learned
how to dress "cool" and became somewhat popular, I hadn't enough time to
become friends with the entire grade. I was respected by the teachers as
smart, after I took the test to see how well at the private school I am
currently in people regarded me as genius. Teachers also noticed how my
grades were slipping. It was a pattern I noticed myself. Every school I went
to my grades would drop gradually. 1-4th grade all A's/B's 5th grade year all
A's that dropped to D's and back to A's. 6th grade all A's since I was scared
of having a repeat of 5th grade.7th Grade A's B's C's. 8th grade school was so
easy that I had A's and B's and C's only in Gym and other classes similar. 9th
Grade still in progress.
Behavior: [LIST][*]Quiet[*]Hard to focus [*]Hard to Sleep[*]Amazing Ability to retain information when interested[*]lazy[*]procrastinates[*]bouts of depression (less and less frequent now)[*]always tired when bored always perk when subject of focus is interesting[*]dual personalities(one that is able to separate from emotional self and the other is emotional self)[*]less overall care in the world[*]realize that no matter what I do eventually it will no longer matter nor what anyone else does[*]dark sense of humor and mood swings[*]Many hobbies that I never focused on for a long time[*]hard to plan ahead[*]high ego[*]able to know that I am like this by myself[*]considered the possibility of all living beings as highly designed robots twitches when extremely bored or sleepy[*]trouble focusing (sucks cuz when I play chess sometimes I'll do state champion well or complete noob at chess)[*]hard to remember things when I think about it.[/LIST]
Dual personalities: My analytic self exists at all times and all that needs to happen is think about it but I can feel it buzzing in the background of my brain I just need to access it I guess.
My emotional self is the same as my analytic self but it doesn't think ahead.
When I was younger I had Anger which would just make me angry and my analytic self would realize it and I would hit myself to get the anger out of my mind. If I think about it for to long it starts to grow. Anger appears when I have no respect of my opponent and I lose to him.
I tried confronting my dad about my ADD/ADHD :bouncing: but he just gets angry and says that he can fix it whilst holding his hand in a position to smack then lowers his hand and says that I need to meditate at night which I will never be able to do. I am not good at meditating, respond and I will answer any further questions that might be needed to diagnose me fully.
Re: ADD or ADHD
I don't think anyone here is in any way qualified to diagnose you. I believe from your description that you need to seek professional help as soon as possible. Start with any professional that can help you, including teachers or school counsellors. You need to be open and honest with them about your history of being abused, and about turning that abuse on others. There may be consequences for bringing this issue to light, but they will be far less severe than the consequences you will face for the rest of your life if you do not.
The psychological and emotional consequences of (physical, psychological, and/or emotional) abuse are extreme, and can mimic the symptoms of ADHD. I feel at this point that whether or not you have ADHD, you have much more serious issues to deal with first. I believe you would be poorly served by treatment for ADHD symptoms, as treatment may mask the pletora of potential underlying issues for which you will need to be treated.
You may try posting your history to the "Abuse Support" board here at healthboards; there may be some there with more experience with this sort of thing.
I can't stress this strongly enough. Get help from a professional.
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