Ok well I will start off with some info then go on towards the stories and thoughts...
Firstly, I'm an 18 year old girl and was diognosed with ADHD about 4 years ago. Though my mother took me to a doctor to get me checked for it around age 5. So yea it's a ''always had'' deal. Sometimes nowa days my mother likes to say she thinks it's ADD not ADHD...
Ok so, some things that I do and such that doesn't seem like everyone else does... or has.
I fidget, bounce and all in all just can't sit still. It's almost painful! I stutter alot no when speaking, I am constantly picking at my head for like flakes of dead skin that are peeling up. (Started scratching and picking a little while after my little sisters first got lice a few years back.) Since then I scratch and pick till it hurts or itches. I always talk out loud to myself alone, like say things like ''Wow I need to go to bed, right? Wait I can't answer myself well I could.'' And such like it's a two person convorsation. I have panic attacks alot at night, at least thats what me and a few doctors think they are. They did a blood check up and I came back normal for stuff. I used to get them at other peoples houses, shaky, cold, nauseous, sometimes headachy and then it got worse. I stated actually puking. Then it got even worse by happening in my own home, when I would be sleeping in my sisters rooms or on MY top bunk. Now within this past year I get them in my own bed! I would wake up in the middle of the night to go hug the toilet a few times. I would be shivering and stuttering. I got medication for it, it's for Anxiety issues so it's good. I'm in Sweden so it's called ATARAX. I seem to be getting more and more headaches now too, I crack my neck like every minute of every hour and I've been told that I might have hurt myself thanks to that.
I can be really mean and seriously lose all empathy. I can be talking with mom and she would say something that I don't like or agree on and I would get snappy and mean. She would tell me to get out and leave her alone cuz I was mean and rude. I would then go to my room and cry. Iwould feel horrible! It happens so often, mostly just with my mother and my sisters. It's like it's become physically impossible for me to be nice to them, I don't like my sisters to hug me. Or touch me in any way. I don't like people touching me at all really. I lack interest in people yet I feel the need to strive for their attention and acceptance. I don't like it when alot of people look at me but I feel like I need it. I also lie, alot. My life is made up of lies it seems. I always lie, on one of my online games I told the worst lies at two periods. Once I told everyone I had lung cancer and might die, at another time I said I was being forced into a marriage and was pregnant. I feel awful and I still lie on and on! It's a part of my life, I can't stop. Every day I keep telling myself, ''That was the last lie, no more lies. This is it.'' But they never are. I am tearing myself up about it and yet not really. When the rare moment shoots up that I'm caught I freak out otherwise it's not really a big deal! I over exaggerate everything. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't want to talk to my mother about it all cuz I know she wouldn't beleive me and I don't know what to do...
I don't want to be this mean person, I don't want to lie like a drug addict and I really want to be happy.
I thought maybe some of these things were ADHD/ADD, Anxiety, OCD and some other personallity disorders. I would just like to know whats wrong with me and how do I fix it?
I think you're far more normal than you realize. None of your symptoms would indicate to me that you have anything more severe than ADHD, perhaps with comorbid depression, or a compulsive or anxiety disorder.
Were you ever medicated for ADHD or another mental health issue before? If so, when and what did you take? Sometimes the meds can have side effects that can lead to tics such as cracking your neck all the time (and yes, please work to stop that ASAP, it can lead to serious damage in time; I know, because I did the same thing for many years, and now I often have severe neck pain and can't crack my neck, because my entire body jumps involuntarily when I do - I'm afraid I'll crack it and end up paralyzed).
I think you're on the right track, seeking treatment from your doctor. You may also wish to add a psychologist or counsellor that specializes in ADHD and related mental health issues. You may find that you benefit from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, a method of treatment that helps you to become aware of unhealthy thought patterns that can lead to saying and doing mean things, to both others and yourself (it's also often effective with anxiety and ADHD). This may well help with the storytelling and lying, both of which seem to indicate image control issues, or more likely, social anxiety.
Take your time, and take it easier on yourself. You seem convinced that you're a bad person, but it's clearly not true. Keep doing what you're doing. Work with a doctor, and I suggest a good counsellor. First things first, however, work on going easier on yourself. Self loathing is never a way to get healthy.
Btw, there is no distinction between ADHD and ADD. ADD is an old label for ADHD that is no longer in use. There are three subtypes of ADHD: hyperactive, primarily inattentive, and combined type (so too much hyperactivity to qualify as primarily inattentive, but not bouncing off the walls 24/7). I would say by the sounds of it, you may be of the primarily inattentive subtype, but to call it ADD is to draw a false distinction, as some hyperactivity is always present (in your case, fidgeting, scratching, etc.).
Best of luck!
The Following User Says Thank You to Thunor For This Useful Post: HelloK8ie (12-26-2012)