 "like being chased by wild dogs" withdrawl
I'll try to be brief but narcotics creep up on you more insidiously than your neighbour trying to borrow your lawn mower. Six years ago I drywalled by basement which left me with some chronic pain. I lived with it but my sleep deteriorated and the days appeared longer.
I had a returned collection of Rx of varying meds that patients could not tolerate over the years that I would leave in the old "black" bag. One night I reached into that bag and it led to four years of denial, followed by surprise, then shame....oh the shame. Then the attempts at exorcism from it's grip. SEE ATTEMPTS as in several.
Various opiods crossed my hands including T3, percocet, dilaudid, ms contin then oxycontin, occ injectable opiods and on. A little this and a little that. Not too much I thought. I took one percocet at night for 18 months. I slept better and performed better sexually. I felt it didn't affect my mind.
But when I started taking Oxycontin quickly followed by snorting. 40mg= 8 percocets and then higher I realized the slope was slippery. I did not want to let my family down. My children down. My community in which I am in the light.
I therefore tapered slowly and quit. Withdrawl was total hell. I did not sleep for six nights despite heavy sedation (3mg ativan). I felt like I was losing my mind.My wife new and was supportive but she really and still does not understand my precarious state.
I used all the "measures"listed above in other bulletins.
But I failed not once, not twice but a third. But each infraction led to less intense and duration of use of the drugs.
I became with a great effort to become far more physically active. This releases endorphins as well and I think they are more sustained in the nerve synapses.
Its been weeks now. I am physically healthier. I have pushed myself back from the precipice. But its human nature that we must look over that precipice again. It jumps out at you when you least expect it. The key is to not say "I can handle this..or just a little....I didn't use it much last time..or whatever the beast in your head is telling. And he is A VERY CLEVER BEAST....turn and run from that precipice because this time it might be a long fall.
Can anyone tell me how far away I am from my precipice?
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free from hell
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