Son breaking my heart - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

skylan · 05-12-2003, 10:07 AM

My son is 34, and has been an alcoholic for many years.He lives with his dad, having made many attempts to maintain his own place. His drinking interfers with keeping a job and relationships with women.
He calls me 2 or 3 x daily when he's drunk, telling me he loves me and he has changed his ways, but then soon as he's sober, he's just waiting for the chance to drink again.
My question is- How can I help him, and what is the reason he calls me when he's drunk?
When he was younger I had him in rehab, but that failed also.
I'd give my life to see him clean.
Thanks for any help

Hopefortoday · 05-12-2003, 10:14 AM

Skylan . . . I know the pain you are feeling. Have you tried Al-Anon? You can learn there what might help your son and most importantly, yourself. Good luck to you.

HERMIT · 05-12-2003, 10:39 AM

Iknow it must hurt you when he calls in that condition. Maybe you should refuse to talk to him unless you are sure hes sober. I have a 30 yr old brother who is on drugs and booze--lies through his teeth and leaves my parents to foot the heat for his bills and conduct. I also have another brother--29 making 50 grand a year and still lives at home. I left at 18 to get my own place as that was hinted at. I cannot work anymore but asking for financial help is out of the question. Seems they expected more from me and the other two let their complaints and advice go in one ear and out the other. Your son has to walk that long road himself----you raised him to this point you can't carry him for life. My dad has heart problems and my brothers conduct are shortening his lifespan. I dread being executor of their estate as they will be there with their hands out. Good Luck.

skylan · 05-12-2003, 04:15 PM

Thanks for your replies.
hermit, I'm so sorry about your brother, I can only imagine how hard it is on you and your parents.
I do realize my son must make the decision to help himself, but its tearing my heart out to see how he's dying right before my eyes.
I don't understand why he calls when he's drunk and acts like there's something missing in his life that he can get from me.He has been drinking for so long that none of us want to be around him for fear he will steal or use us as he has in the past.
Thanks for caring enough to reply

HERMIT · 05-12-2003, 05:42 PM

Perhaps you can steer him in that direction. I also had an uncle who was an alcoholic---a violent one. He would call at weird morning hours drunk and talk for hours on end. I was the only one at that point who would talk to him or help---bailing out of jail, making sure his house was ok etc. I finally had to tell him--you have a problem--you know you have a problem. I will go to AA with you or get you into a detox center. I will listen if you feel the need to drink and will even come over to keep your mind off drinking. BUT until you are ready to make that decision I can't keep on this way.
He is your son and I know that you feel obligated to be there for him. But maybe he is using you as a crutch or last resort. It is hard to make a decision on what to do---but supporting him when he is already drunk will just encourage him? Just my opinion---my uncle never called again--last I heard he is seeing some biker chick. It is too bad--he manged to hold a good paying job---owns his house and has money to burn---but he lost his wife, son and daughter and all his relatives for the sake of the bottle. I think booze should be as illegal as opiate drugs. Good Luck on whatever you decide to do.----Remember--this is only my opinion.