Need help with sister - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

oopsyhere · 05-08-2003, 11:40 PM

Here is the deal. I have a 19 year old sister (I am 23) who I am pretty sure is into drugs. I know probably pot for sure but maybe other stuff too. Here is a little back ground so maybe you can help me better. Anyway she has quit college and moved back in with my parents. I also have a 14 year old sister and 10 year old sister, they are obviously living in the same house as the 19 year old(Melissa). And my husband and I live on the same farmstead as my parents and grandparents. Our house is right next to my parents' house. Anyway, tonight my dog needed to go potty so I took her out. I was walking toward the barn and walked through my parents backyard and consequently past Melissa's bedroom window. It is 12AM here and her light was on... nothing unusual about that. I was talking to the dog so no secret that I was there. Well Melissa's window was open (it is raining so I thought that was a little strange) anyway as I got closer to the house I smelt something funny then realized it was pot (I have never used but have smelt it before) I saw smoke coming from the window then she through something out of it. It laid in the grass and smoke rose from what ever it was. She was talking outloud, I assumed either on the phone or reading. But wasn't close enough to hear anything. I walked passed and took the dog to do her business then came back to the house. Melissa has shut her window and shut off the light now. Here is what I need advice on... Should I go back to where I saw her through something out and see if it is (as I suspect) a joint? If it is should I take it to my parents and tell them what happened? She has been misbehaving something aweful, but my parents never suspected that she would bring drugs into the house! I am not wanting to get her into trouble, but I am worried for the safety and sanity of my other two sisters. I am just at a loss, I want to go get the joint (if it is so) out of the grass and show my parents and explain how I came across it, but should I? They would never say I found it, but would just say my mother found it while mowing or raking, what do you all think?!? What do I do??
Jaimie

#1Texan · 05-09-2003, 03:07 AM

Hi oopsy,
Whatever it was, if it was burning,it's ashes by now.

If you have the opportunity to talk to her, tell her what you just told us. What she is doing is unacceptable in your parents home and she neeeds to know she is dis-respecting them and your other sisters.

Go with what your gut tells you as far as talking to your parents, but I would definatly talk to her first, let her know that what she is doing is illegal and her actions could possibly have consequences on the family.

Take Care

#1Texan

Healthyhealer · 05-09-2003, 08:00 AM

I think it would be a bit harsh to turn her into your parents. I know for a fact if my older sister had done that to me when I was smoking weed it would have seriously changed our friendship. Do you want to jeopardise this?

I think you should have a serious talk to her say what you saw (WITHOUT being accusing) There is an unlikely chance that there is a reasonable explanation. Be sympathetic...don't tell her off and be patronising but instead ask her why she is doing it, who she got it off.

People who smoke weed don't wont to be quoted facts and figures and told how bad it is for your health and all the rest of.

Find out if there is a bigger problem - either she is succumbing to peer pressure (Be careful with this one because I find peer pressure with drugs not as you would imagine it) I thought it would be like the Ad campaign they used to run on British TV - with kids saying 'Try it, go on try it! Have some, dont be a wuss etc' But its not like that at all. Someone will be smoking a splif and they'll just pass it to you and not even say anything. Its almost like a standard communication technique in the drug world!

The other thing is and I think this could well be the reason why she is smoking is because she has some problems (If she has dropped out of college there must be a reason IE she is depressed or struggled to fit in or something) and therefore she is using weed as an escape. I think this is the most probable cause but you won't know until you talk to her. Try not to be disdainful. Dont condone drug use but again dont condemn it by saying drugs are bad you shouldn't do drugs etc etc. Try and be as understanding as possible.

I wish you the very best of luck. Please let me know how it goes.

Have a good weekend!

#1Texan · 05-10-2003, 06:11 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Healthyhealer:

"People who smoke weed don't wont to be quoted facts and figures and told how bad it is for your health and all the rest of."

You know what? People may not want to hear all of the above, but doing drugs is ILLEGAL and when and if they get busted there will be some sort of consequence to pay.

"Dont condone drug use but again dont condemn it by saying drugs are bad you shouldn't do drugs etc etc. Try and be as understanding as possible."

Yes be understanding, but don't contradict yourself with the above statement.

#1 TEXAN

Healthyhealer · 05-10-2003, 07:19 AM

Fair comment tex, but all I was saying - and this is from my experience as a former weed smoker, and someone who knows a lot of people who smoke a lot of weed that we/I/they say they are going to smoke weed whether it is legal or not. Thats not whats stopping them. Second everyone pretty much knows the health issues and the risks. No one I know says I smoke too much weed I'm worried about cancer, or I am worried about getting busted.

The reason why I quit was because of the antisocial affects weed was having on my life. The reasons why others have quit was because they were getting bored of it and couldn't be bothered with it much more.

The problem with so much of the anti drugs campaigns is they highlight the wrong aspects of drugs with which to stop people doing it. Now before I get shot down at making sweeping statements - this has come from a knowledge of lots of people, and I for one dont know anyone personally who thinks about the health aspects of weed when wanting to quit.

And to be honest with you if she goes to her sister and says weed causes cancer, then I promise you it will not stop her smoking. You've got to find the root of the problem and solve that.

Its very difficult to tell someone to quit. So many people told me I smoked too much, that I should cut down and give up. I didn't listen to them, I thought I was fine. Its only afterwards looking back on it that I think wow how much was i doing???

They need to find out for themselves, but I think they need to be guided or pushed the right way rather than told not to.