5 DAYS CLEAN & COUNTING - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

lisaaahubb · 05-15-2003, 05:49 AM

I have been lurking for quite a few months now and it is time for me to tell my story.....I am a 34 yr old mom of 3, ages 13, 11 and 1. I have been using any type of painkiller i can get my hands on now for about 3 years with a 8 month break when I was pregnant with my son. I am also a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict....clean 6 years from those two demons. But I have really taken on a new love....perks. They make everything better...until you run out, then the hell begins. I am about 5 days clean and everyday I hope to wake up and feel normal(whatever that is...) and I feel hopeless and worse than the day before. No one in my family knows...my husband would leave me if he new. I tried to clean up my act about 3 months ago ...only to go pill-free for about 2 1/2 weeks. I can not go to a detox-facility because of my children and my husband. I am shakey and feel like i have the stomach flu. No patience with my kids and absolutely no ambition or energy. I hope this is the time that I get it down pat....sobriety that is. I don't have much hope at this time. My poor family, I can barely cook or do laundry. I was doing about 8-10 pills of any kind every day. I can not believe that I am this ill from those evil little pills. Yet if I take them the sickness magically goes away...until you go without once again. I guess I just wanted to vent and let everyone know that I am down in the dumps and there doesn't seem to be light at the end of the tunnel this time. Hope everyone has a good day and as for me, i will remain sober for today....

sadchickster · 05-15-2003, 06:07 AM

Oh sweety, my heart goes out to you!!! They are evil lil pills that grab you wear you live!! I'm praying for you because i have total confidence that you can do it!! Just know you're not alone!!! I've been where you're at and back!!! Hang on, hon, you'll get there!!!!

Autumn Angel · 05-15-2003, 06:33 AM

Lisa (nice name by the way

its my real name too lol) Oppss Gave away my secret Identity lol. Girl you are doing awesome!! The 5th day is usually the last one for some people its 5 to 7 days I think with day 3 being the worst it was for me anyway. I know what its like with the percs I have been off them before too. I have a chronic pain condition that I take them for. Anyway what are you taking to help you cope? You are not doing this without anything to take for the symptoms are you?? If you can get your hands on some Ativan through your doc they help ALOT so goes advil and Immodium. For energy I recomend RED BULL I drank about 4 of those a day when I was in MO and ran out of my script because I didnt refill it before I left canada I sure know better for this year lol. Red Bul is banned here in Canada for some reason but it is what it says and "Engery Drink" and I recomend it to anyone that cant keep up going through WD. Congrats for making it this far try the drink it even makes your mood a bit brighter somehow it must be tough with young kids and a husband that doesnt know about your detox. You can do this Lisa

Keep me posted and if you need to vent just Yell

God Bless you girl.

Autumn.

Dawn in NH · 05-15-2003, 07:29 AM

Hi Lisa -

I know you're feeling rather dumpy today, but you need to look on the bright side. Your future definitely has recovery in store for you.

Why do I say that? Just the fact that you went a couple weeks without using speaks volumes. God - I wish I could go a day without using!!

I use morphine (prescribed by my doc) for a chronic pain issue (fibromyalgia, arthritus, degenerative disc disease, thoracic lumbar strain, and so on) and if I even go 12 hours between doses I get the runs, shakes, ect. You're so strong to be able to go that long - truly!!

So, if you know you can do it physically, why not focus more on the mental issues involved? Councelling, NA, whatever works!! I know it's easier said than done - believe me. You deserve so much praise and respect for going as long as you have, that I really think if you focus your energy on the next step, you can do it!!

In my humble opinion, you've already overcome the biggist hurdle - you have a genuine desire to stop. Once you're truly ready, it's far more achievable.

I can't wait for when I can say what you already can - "I went 2 weeks without a damn pill!"

Hope this helps - please hang in, ok??

Dawn in NH

Shonn · 05-15-2003, 12:05 PM

Keep going girl, you are through the worst of it by now and you will start to feel better soon. There are a ton of people on this board who have been right where you are now and beaten it, I am one of them. I will keep you in my prayers.........Peace