Percokitty

Hello (family)....

I made an appointment with an outpatient medical detox place here for Monday. I dont want to do it; but I know I should probably sooner than later ... at least for the vicodins. 8 months ago; I went to this same place to detox from darvocets. I think I would have made it - except for the fact that after 6 weeks, i was still aching, feeling fatigued, not sleeping well; and I relapsed back on darvocet ... altho unlike vicodin, for what it's worth...I am able to control my darvocet intake (ie. 8/day) unlike vicodin which seems to call me every 3 hours now....

So -- I did expect one more refill today for the vicodin and knew I was going to be finished by tonight and got frightened because of possible w/ds over the weekend. It didn't matter that I told my Dr. this ... he didn't want to give me anything to hold me over...so I took matters into my own hands ... I called in a script (something I used to be very very good at). Just 2 days worth, really (maybe)...

So, i feel a little less frightened at least for this weekend...Come monday, I'm afraid I will go and start the medical detox (which i know the protocol for...) and then the last batch of vicodins will arrive ...i cancelled the others.

Also, in my heart, I don't know if I won't go back to darvocet ... after all is said and done. That's why i started thinking about suboxone recently; perhaps if its affordable, maybe this could be an option - except as I mentioned before, I always hesitated to get involved with another addictive drug, which buprenorphone is.....

If I really believed that i could feel OK w/o opiates, I think I could see it through....but I'm just not sure of myself....

Thanks for listening.
Kitty