How many of you??? - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Risky Business · 06-15-2003, 07:27 PM

Hi Members and Friends: I am so sick right now and I am posting to keep from doing something so stupid. I am ashamed that I would even think of permanently ending my pain.

So, instead I am apolozing to all for even thinking that. And I hope if anyone else may be suffereng to please know you are not alone.

My question is: If there were a Pain Canvention...how amny of you would attend from this board to meet and greet each other. Just a hypothetical question out of curiousity.

Next, if there is anyone else suffereing, truly suffering...would you please make a comment. Any comment. I need to hear from someone.

I hate when I am like this and I always try to plan ahead. But things did not work. I am another brick in the wall. If vibes speak to you...please send a comment. I am ashamed and I have no answers.

With Luv, Risky Business

Shonn · 06-15-2003, 07:44 PM

Hey Risky.....I think exacly the way you do sometimes, I suffer from brutal depression along with an on and off again pain pill addiction. It's horrible to ever feel so low as to think of doing something stupid but it happens. Not to sound like a cliche because I don't even know if I believe this myself most of the time but tomorrow is another day and things will get better......

I hope you feel better soon and keep posting..

You are not alone....

lisaaahubb · 06-15-2003, 07:54 PM

Risky---you are not alone, I do believe anyone that is an addict has crazy thoughts at one time or another thru out their using or NOT USING. this morning i turned into a complete basketcase, isolated, cried for a couple of hours and then decided to get the hell out of the house....it worked. We all have our moments...try to work thru this, i know you can. You are in my prayers
LISA

Risky Business · 06-15-2003, 08:53 PM

Thanks Shonn and Lisa: I feel as though I am in a deep forest and lost. But I have religious beliefs and I am proud to say I am a Christian.

I do honestly care about people and there are amny on this board. Your reply(s) are priceless and I cherish the thought that someone cares.

I believe that you must feel my pain in some way. I have a lot to figure out...but in my college years I always thought and still think that things are as hard as we make them to be.

I can relate to most every post and my goals are to have more and more people to post because no one is watching and we are here for each other.

Again, and more than ever thanks Shonn and Lisahubbb.

Your supporter and friend, Risky Business

Percokitty · 06-15-2003, 10:15 PM

Risky,

I understand your pain - depression compounded by physical withdrawal - and a big void in your life that you have no clue how to fill.

I don't think you should feel 'ashamed' of thinking of suicide. Many people do, first of all. But most people don't act on it. It's OK to contemplate the action....

I was just feeling tremendously depressed this evening, because tomorrow I'm supposed to go 1st day outpatient treatment - to try and nip this vicodin relapse sooner rther than later ... and I'm depressed because I remember too well why I re-started, the huge void in my life, and I fear there being nothing but darkness on the other side; or not even being able to make it to the other side.

I don't even feel really ready...but I know I have to do it. But I'm very scared and depressed and I haven't even started detox yet ....

So - you are not alone.

Kitty