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Old 06-19-2003, 07:33 AM   #1
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Unhappy Meth Addict in my family, Please Help

Hello, I am writing this with a very heavy heart. My brother confessed to me that he was addicted to methamphetamine. He says that he should slow down and not take so much, and I told him he needs to stop altogether. He's 38 years old and lives at home with my mother whom herself is addicted to pain medication that she has been taking for years from a prior back injury. She has had a recent revelation that she wants to get her life back and stop taking pills altogether and she has been off of them for about a week. She is doing extremely well so far, I keep praying for her. My brother hasn't had a steady job in about 8 years and hasn't worked at all in 2 years, he claims that he has to take care of my mother and now that my mom is trying to get her life straight, she is not so dependant on him and she wants him to get a job, but he always has an excuse as to why he doesn't go to work. He's involved in dealing this poison as well and he gets the drugs free for the selling that he does. My brother was fourteen when he first used meth, and in a ten year span I was the object of his obsession while he was on the drugs. I was sexually molested by my brother from the time I was eight until I was eighteen. I could hate him, but I chose to forgive him, now that he is back on drugs, he's displaying the same behavior once again, only this time he has crossed the line, he was behaving inappropriatley in front of my daughter. I have such guilt of letting her go to my moms and her going through that. I warned her of what he had done to me when I was growing up and that if he ever even acts funny towards her to tell me and I thank God that she did. I am keeping him totally away from her and myself. I am however trying to get him help through our counselor at Church. He hasn't been able to function at all for the past 8 years since his marriage ended. He has two girls 12, and 14 and I am afraid of what he might have done to them, the 12 year old is very clingy and the 14 year old hates him. I called cps about 5 years ago to have them check into it, but they did nothing. He denies doing anything inappropriate in front of my daughter, but my daughter was very upset that he even denied it, she's 10 and doesn't understand why he is lying. Somebody please help me I am totally out of options, I told my mom if he doesn't get help she needs to put him out of the house, he steals from her, takes her car and stays gone all night and day, and worries her to death, she's afraid of what might happen to him if she puts him out, I am afraid of what might happen if she doesn't. Am I wrong? I don't know what to do. She says she could never put one of her children out. I told my mom about the sexual abuse when I was 14 years old and she didn't make him stop, or get him help. I feel like she chose him over me then, and I feel like she is doing the same thing with my daughter. I need some advice, I don't know what to do? Somebody please help. Stacy

 
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Old 06-19-2003, 10:30 AM   #2
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Hopefortoday HB User
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Stacy . . . you are doing NOTHING wrong. Your mother and brother sound like very sick people. Keep your daughter in counseling and take care of yourself and her. You cannot make your mother "put your brother out" and you cannot make your brother get clean. I would detach from them until they decide to get help THEMSELVES.

You sound like a great mother . . . good luck to you and may God bless you!

 
Old 06-19-2003, 03:48 PM   #3
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Karla HB User
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Hopefortoday gave very good advice. I agree with it 100%. You need to detach from them and let them self destruct on their own and not drag you and your daughter down with them. If your mother doesn't want help and doesn't want her son out there is nothing you can do. Take care of yourself. Quit beating your head about this.

 
Old 06-20-2003, 01:09 PM   #4
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take2many HB User
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I hate to say this, but you need to write your brother off. He had damaged you physically and emotionally and if you feel you have to be worried about him being around your daughter, then she shouldn't be around him! He is not your problem. Your mother is not your problem. I wish her well with her addiction recovery, and hope she remains strong, but only she can make her own decisions. You need to take care of yourself and you daugter. Everyone has enough stress/hardships to get though with their own lives...you DO NOT need to be worries about someone else's.

Good Luck!

 
Old 06-20-2003, 02:05 PM   #5
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FWCadeFoster HB User
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This is inexcusable destructive behavior you speak about. If you want to help him, have him arrested.

 
Old 06-20-2003, 04:05 PM   #6
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Chronic_Pancreatitis HB User
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Stacy, Stacy, Stacy
While me heart goes out to you, it is time to act NOW! Do you have contact with your daughters daddy? That is where you should start,and if it were me I would put your brothers chin on a curb and jump on the back of his neck. I am sorry but the parent child bond is sacred and to leave those children in a situation where that even MIGHT happen.....SHAME ON YOU! I know this is probably the hardest thing in yourlife that you have ever done, but you have to be strong. PLEASE, I BEG YOU!!!!
If it come right down to it, wait until he has drugs and you KNOW he does, then call the police and tell them he has it. Tell him you wantto buy some, a large amount like 2 or 3 8-balls, tell him to meet you in a local Wal=Mart parking lot, then call the cops and tell the 1. The drug 2. The quantity 3. Year, make, and model of his car 4. Time you are supposed to meet him.
I agree that this is dirty pool, but so is putting his filthy hands on your beautiful little girl. He is lucky thatI am not related to her because I would show up loaded for bear and ready for war.
Anyway, stacy, advice is great but please do something and do it fast. By reading your story it is evident that the only person who can change the situation is you- the question is - WILL YOU>>?????????????
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Old 06-20-2003, 04:28 PM   #7
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okieatheart HB User
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Stacy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As an adult survivor of sexual abuse I beg and strongly urge you to keep your daughter away! I know the guilt feelings cuz he's family,cuz of your mom but you have to protect your daughter at any cost. You know what if someone finds out he is molesting your daughter and turns him in and the police find out she told you and you did nothing,they can hold you responsible to and take her away because you didn't provide a safe environment for her.This is nothing to mess with.Ya know even though my dad molested me for 15 years I always still wished that he would change and I even tried to have some contact with him but I always felt very sick at my stomach and nervous that he would try something again and I was 20.My final contact came with him the day I had my 1st child and he held him.EVERY HAIR ON BODY STOOD UP!!!!
I called him later and told him I never wanted him to call or come around again because when he held my son I almost puked and had the heebie-geebies to bad.Hung up and that was that!I beg of you don't put her in that situation! It doesn't matter who gets mad at you...even if its your mom,I know this may sound harsh but she should feel the same and if she doesn't you can't change her and have to move in with your daughter...I really...really am not trying to upset you...please don't take this as a critic.....I know you'll do whats right and please keep us posted....You and your daughter are in my prayers

 
Old 06-20-2003, 08:16 PM   #8
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Im sorry to say this , well no im not, but I think your brother needs to do some prison time and get molested himself, Im sorry but I believe that is the worst thing in the world and you should never and I mean never let your children near this monster!!! I have three little girls of my own and I would die for them. there is no way I would let them go anywhere around someone like that, I myself have a sister that is 31 with 4 little girls and she is all strung out on meth amung other things, so I will not allow my girls over there, what would happen if the police came to bust your brother and they found that stuff in the house and your children were there at the time, is it really worth it? hes a grown man, and a bad one at that!!!! dont waste your time!!! and it sounds from what you said that he doesnt even want help!
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Old 06-23-2003, 01:04 AM   #9
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jordanhailey HB User
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I appreciate everyone's input, I really do. As far as having him arrested goes, I called the police and asked to press charges, and they told me that unless he physically touched her or exposed himself to her that there was absoulutely nothing that they could do to him. He was making very vulgar comments to her and telling her not to tell anyone. He's sick, very sick. I on the other hand suffered every sick imaginable thing he could put me through. I won't let my daughter ever be scared or put in that situation again. He knows that he is never allowed near me or my family again. Help or not, he's done too much damage. I can choose to forgive him, but I will never forget and I will never leave me or my daughter open to the possibility of being hurt by him again. My mom is still continuing her sobriety. Thank you very much for taking the time to reply everyone. I appreciate it. God Bless you all.

 
Old 06-24-2003, 07:16 AM   #10
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empathy1971 HB User
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Please try this resource as they have much information that can help you.
[url="http://www.crystalrecovery.com"]http://www.crystalrecovery.com[/url]

All the best to you.
Nick

PS Crystal-METH is a form of METH but the web site offers information on all sorts of issues that may help you with your situation.

Also, the drug Wellbutrin-SR seems to have some success in curtailing te cravings of METH, so ask your doc about that but in the mean time, browse through the link and I'[m sure it will inform you. It has a section where you can submit questions and they will respond, and yes, they are professionals and it is free...The section is called "Go Ask Alice" Alice is a 1960's slang word for speed or METH.


 
Old 06-24-2003, 11:44 AM   #11
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billiejean HB User
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hi, what your mom is doing is calleed inableing, yes she is inabling him to use, more than likely she's trying to be a good mom, but it's only hurting him, i know i've been through it with my 18 year old,now his in jail for attempted murder, your brother needs help and so does your mom. i hope your not feeling guilty for anything, your doing the best you can.....
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