I'm finally ready to stop!!!??? - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Gabbi · 07-13-2003, 08:53 AM

Hello,
I have been reviewing these boards for over a year now, and can relate to everything that has been said about using percs and oxy's. I don't even know how it started. I actually 5 years ago lost the love of my life to a heroin overdose, and it was the hardest thing I ever went through. And at that time I'd NEVER done any drugs and couldn't understand why he just couldn't stop. Now I understand. I used to take 20+ percocets a day and they made me feel so good and I just never didn't have them, so I didn't even realize the magnitude of this problem until it was too late. They made me work better and harder I could work double shifts.I was on these pills for over 3 years.I even used the fentanyl patch on top of all the pills. Then I got pregnant and I stopped taking them & it was easy because I was doing it for my child, it was the right thing to do. Then I had a c-section and what do they give you??? Percocets every 4 hours it was like a dream come true and it just escalated again my daughter is now 16 months old. Here's an even bigger joke I'm actually in charge of my mom's pain medication for 80mg oxy's, somehow she's always short or I have to pay cash for an extra prescription at $500 a bottle, or the painters stole her bottle. Same old story.

I'm getting married next year, my fiance knows nothing of this he is such a wonderful loving man and a great father and I couldn't bear for him to look at me differently. I have been weaning myself down from 120mg oxy per day yesterday I took no oxy but 2 percocets, but was so mad at myself for giving in to those 2. I feel like I have to do it this time I can't live like this anymore. It was always an excuse before, "I have to work, or take care of the baby and the house, or school". For the next 2 weeks I have nothing to do. We are going on vacation for a week and I'm trying to get the nerve to just leave all my pills behind and just have to do it. It is so friggin hard though, didn't sleep last night. I know I should just get rid of the pills I have but I don't know if I can. I am giving the responsibility of my mom's meds to someone else.
I'm sorry I'm really rambling hear, I've just never admitted any of this out loud. Nobody knows this is my life. They think I'm perfect, far from it. I can't even pick up my daughter out of her crib in the morning until I eat a piece of an oxy. I love her so much she has brought so much happiness to my life, I want to be a good mother and a good wife. I could have such a wonderful life if I could get through this. Well thanks for listening, it felt good to just get it off my chest.

[This message has been edited by Gabbi (edited 07-13-2003).]

Autumn Angel · 07-13-2003, 11:58 AM

Hi Gabby and welcome to the "family". I am glad you are able to admit your problem and want to fix it. I detoxed from percs and Oxys before they are the same drug oxycodone as you probably know. I detoxed cold turkey last summer when my daughter and I flew to MO for 2 weeks. It was the perfect time because I am from Canada and had NO way to get the drugs in the states and had no insurance that covered me there so cold turkey it was. I used a few things to help me though. I took 0.5mg Ativan and a couple Immodiums in the morning along with a Red Bull energy drink. I was always busy there going out on the boat or shopping or sightseeing and I didnt even notice my WD exept for the occasional "runs" which the Immodium handled like a charm. You can do this everyone is different but for me the vacation thing worked. I left mine at home as well before I left. If you can handle a taper before you leave it might help it not be so bad when you do. My prayers are with you. God Bless.
Autumn.

Gabbi · 07-13-2003, 01:21 PM

Thank you, that is just the encouragement I needed. I hope I have the strength to leave them behind. Even today though, I haven't taken anything, but I have so much to do and I just can't move. And I have them right in my purse, but I can't throw them out. The red bulls a good idea, I'll try that. Thanks again!!

timsworld73 · 07-13-2003, 01:50 PM

fisrt welcome to the board. I am sure you will find alot of people here that will support you anyway we can. Can I ask if you have thought about letting someone else take care of your mothers pain meds from now on. It would have been very tough for me to get clean knowing that a pill is within reach. You have taken your first step in admitting you have a problem. But I can tell you that it can be done and has been done. If you have the will-power to taper, then they say that is easier, but I could not do it and went C/T...the taper thing just did not work for me...I had no will-power when it came to taking them like I was supposed to. But after over 2 months clean, I can tell you that it can work. Good Luck

AnnaCre8s · 07-13-2003, 09:48 PM

Hi Gaby - I hate to say the old cliche', but, will anyway (hmmmm - busta rhyme) - "I feel your pain", because - I do - like many, if not all, of the people who read these postings. It's like you become totally controlled by these pills. Much like Timsworld, I tried the tapering method but did not have the will power and always go by what Scarlett O'Hara said in Gone With The Wind: "I'll worry about it tomorrow" - well, tomorrow is right upon me as I have used up 150 vicodin ES since June 26th (save for six). I get them every month and it is SO hard, if not impossible (for me at least) to NOT take them if they're prescribed. My brain cells are next to nil and I don't remember what it's like to really function without being on them! They're MY antidepressant! Anway, hang in there, Tim had a good idea of finding someone who will hold them for you or administer them to you. I've considered that, too, but couldn't bear with giving them up! **** - gotta kick this and I know I've said this before, but, I have the feeling that my doc who is prescription pad happy will cut me off when the 26th comes around as I DID tell him I was overusing up to 20 percs (like you) - so he changed the script from 180 percs to 150 vic es. yah boy! Anyway - I know I haven't said any words of wisdom as I haven't applied any of them as of yet - just that, you are not alone - it's hard to stop but NOT impossible, AND! ONE DAY, we will have to be it by choice or forced upon it, so why not now? Take good care, congratulations on your baby and keep in touch with the board! prayers Rw/U, anna