Addiction and Age - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Oldtimer · 07-13-2003, 03:00 PM

Here's an issue that's on my mind constantly. If a person like me, in her early 60's, has been self-medicating on and off for 40 or so years, is it really possible to be as they say "clean and sober"?? I never looked for the high but medicated my anxiety almost all of my adult life. It's a real problem and I often feel like giving up the struggle...and coming to terms with being a functioning addict. Maybe there are some older people on this board that have some experience to share. I'm not a drunk and I take medications as precribed but it's easy for an older person to get meds (even the ones they don't really need). I admit to a problem but can't seem to stay straight for any length of time and when I did it was miserable. Like it's almost 5 pm now and I want my little watered-down cocktail and a TV movie. Well, i think you get the picture....any comments or suggestions would really be appreciated. My love and respect to all of you......Linda

SincerlyReallyStupid · 07-13-2003, 04:35 PM

Linda~ I hope you don't mind if I ask you a few questions. First of all when you say you self-medicate...you mention anxiety so I assume you take benzos of some sort. My mom did for a long time and shes now 73. You don't sound really like the typical addict. I did catch the last part about a cocktail. By that do you mean you actually do look forward to your next dose? That is the way I was. I buzzed all day on the opiates then took the benzos to sleep. Well, you really wouldnt call it sleep since I took 10 1 mgs at one time to get knocked out. So...when you mentioned staying straight....what did you mean by that? I'm sure you can get meds a lot easier than some due to your age, but you said you had been taking them for about 20 years, so how bad is it at this point or do you have it all under control and use as prescribed? Like I said, I hope you don't mind me asking and I stepped over the line ~I apologize.

Percokitty · 07-13-2003, 08:14 PM

Linda, I'm not in near 60 yet, but I'm no spring chicken either and I often have the same type of question in my mind as well - to accept what I have been doing and stop fighting?

Well for me I have to stop because of "finances" but also because of chasing the dragon with vicodins .. but there are certain medications that I refuse or am hesitant to give up at this point in my life.

I also think it may be harder to embark on a road to recovery when you're older and you have accepted a certain way of life - I may be wrong. I don't think everyone's goal needs to be "abstinence" ... if that's possible for them. it's ok for some to have a cocktail with a movie (as a ritual to make you feel relaxed) yet for another person ... that may not be possible at all.

With vicodin - for me - I'd love to be able to have a vicodin or 2 occasionally; but I just can't do it; it's like eating one potato chip!! FYI I recently relapsed on vicodin and ate them like candy for a month -- right now -- after one week of detox I cannot relax and watch a movie...because w/o the ritual, I can't relax !!! It's awful and it makes me want to accept the "other" way.

Anyway, I think you've posed an interesting question ...and hope to hear more from you.

Oldtimer · 07-14-2003, 12:58 PM

Sincerely but not stupid:
As promised, I'll try to answer your questions but since I don't have your post in front of me maybe it's best to just elaborate on what I said. You said I may not be the typical addict--that's part of my confusion. I take one benzo, Klonopin .5 when I feel very anxious (no more than 2 per day so far). I also take about 5 vicodin 7.5 per day as prescribed for arthritis. Do I really need them??? I don't know but I've built up a tolerance to the extent that I feel withdrawals without them. In the evening my "cocktail" is juice with diluted vodka--the kind you buy in the drug store, no more than 1 or 2. I can usually fall asleep without medication but if I need something, I take something like Unisom. All of my use has stemmed from self-medicating for anxiety. I am a singer and could never get through an audition or performance without something. As a piano player, my hands would shake. I could go on and on. Another problem is that I grew up during the "hayday" of the cocktail hour with cigarettes as a complement. So you see, at over 60 yrs. old I don't know how to change lifelong habits albeit destructive ones. I don't even know if I want to. As of today, I live a very isolated life but how do I get a job and re-invent my lifestyle now? Of course I'm worried or I wouldn't be on these boards. You were not out of line at all, in fact I'm glad you asked. When I mention staying straight, I simply mean living a life without mainly alcohol and opiates. The benzos don't seem to be a prolem---YET. In AA they say that I have a case of the "YETS". Hope this was helpful.....I'd like to hear more of your story so I hope you'll stay in touch. Love....Linda

1goodgirl · 07-14-2003, 01:44 PM

I am 71, and sometimes I wonder why I should even bother to try to detox. What do I have to gain?(except maybe a few more years of life.)